Humor Writing Contest — The Results

We had over 350 entries.  Congratulations to all for the great creative effort.  As you’ll see there were many funny lines written for the theme of “In The Future…”  Without knowing the names of the authors, our panel of thirteen speakers and comedy improv players judged the lines.  Here are the results…followed by observations.

First Place
In the future…we’ll know if we were ripped off by fortune-tellers.
Les Harden, Brisbane, Australia (Les is our first two-time winner.  Congratulations.)

Second Place
In the future…the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals will rule that two wrongs actually DO make a right.
Joe Evrard, Bardwell, KY

Third Place
In the future…the world will be war-free, injustice-free, human-free.
Abramo Bagnara, Castel Bolognese, Italy

Honorable Mention (in random order).

In the future…the lion will lie down with the lamb in a civil union.
In the future…you’ll be able to fly from New York to Los Angeles in one hour, while your luggage goes to Des Moines in thirty seconds.

In the future…England will win the World Cup…and then I’ll wake up.

In the future…my super model date will be Miss Universe 1950.

In the future…I will afford a personal plane and limousine, but not gasoline.

In the future…your wristwatch with be your notebook computer, your glasses will include heads-up news, weather and time display, as well as mobile phone but you don’t want to know where all the batteries go.

In the future…all will have learnt is that this was as good as it gets.

In the future…the latest music craze will have been replaced by something just as ridiculous.

In the future…as we age the most exciting things to look forward to are christenings, funerals, and Mission Impossible 28.

In the future…they still won’t discover a better laxative than teenagers.

In the future…tomorrow will still be a day away and the present is still the best place to live.

In the future…accidents will still cause 66% of all people.

In the future…hopefully humans will get one last chance to prove they are an intelligent species.

In the future…we’ll all live longer allowing us to experience debilitating
heath problems for many more years.

In the future…as so many tomorrows fade into yesterdays, the tears for times gone are compensated by the laughs still coming.

In the future…I’ve still have it and I’ll be old enough that it won’t matter that nobody wants it.

In the future…we’ll get even with our kids by spoiling theirs.

In the future…I’m going to exercise, lift weights and study
self-defense…then I’ll let my wife know who’s boss.

In the future…obesity will be cured by global warming as it’s hard to stay fat when you’re being baked.

In the future…I’m letting the whole neighborhood know I sleep in the
nude…that should stop anyone from breaking in to my place.

In the future…it will be cheaper to buy a car than to fill it with gasoline.

In the future…airport security checks will require an overnight stay

In the future…McDonalds will have sold enough hamburgers to justify using a second cow.

In the future…Bourbon will be cheaper than gasoline.  So don’t drive…drink and save money!

In the future…I’m going to live like I drive…fast but smooth with no time for jerks.

In the future…they’ll cross a chicken with kangaroo so you’ll be able to
purchase eggs that are already scrambled.

In the future…odds will be 3-to-1 that I can stop gambling.

In the future…I’m not going to laugh during sex…I’m going to read
something more serious.

In the future…I’m going to learn to understand females…it must be easier than understanding humor.

In the future…I’ll be unforgotten and beloved…I’m dying for that time.

In the future…I’ll be cheerful. Today I’m too stressed by making you

In the future…we’ll stop procrastinating.

In the future…you’ll remember everything I never said.

In the future…I’ll remember why I walked into this room.

In the future…we’ll have our grandchildren first.
In the future…Bill Gates will have more money.
In the future…sex will no longer be a four letter word.

In the future…computers will crash more efficiently.
In the future…..we’ll still be concerned about it.

In the future…I’ll still be late.

Observations from the contest:

1.  The philosophy of competition.  I’ve been entering the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest for eight weeks now.  I know the feeling of submitting lines that are not selected for recognition.  And sometimes I see winning lines that are definitely not as funny as what I submitted.  Well, I’m entitled to my opinion.  There are three reasons explaining my reaction.  First, I’m not a good judge of my own lines. Second, no matter who picks the best lines, most people won’t agree with the selections.  Third, humor is so subjective that trying to pick the funniest line is funny itself.  I often don’t agree with the top three lines for our contests (I’m not a voting judge).  But bottom line for me:  Writing, creating and competing are the rewards.  Winning is secondary.  Hopefully, someday, both you and I will have our 15 minutes of humor fame.  In the meantime, enjoy learning and growing.

2. Formula-Jokes.  Those are jokes which are easily adaptable or customized to fit a specific need or audience.  Here’s an example:
In the future…England will win the World Cup…and then I’ll wake up.
A great line that can easily be customized.
In the future…my husband will do the dishes…and then I’ll wake up.
In the future…I’ll get a big promotion…and then I’ll wake up.
In the future…I’ll get a hole-in-one…and then I’ll wake up.
In the future…look for formula jokes like this one that can be customized for your own use.

3.  Toppers and tag lines.  Look for opportunities to follow one joke with another on the same theme.
In the future…odds will be 3-to-1 that I can stop gambling.  And I’ll bet my life-savings on it.
In the future…I’m going to exercise, lift weights and study self-defense…then I’ll let my wife know who’s boss.  And I’ll be out of the hospital within a week.

4.  Philosophical smiles.  Good humor doesn’t have to be roll-on-the-floor humor.  A philosophical observation can be a subtle form of humor that connects with some people. 

5.  New contest.  New theme.  June 1, 2006.  Watch for it.  Put on your humor hat.  Submit some entries!