Headlines We’ll Never See — Creative Humor Writing

Here are the winners of the January humor contest selected from 180 entries: 

Headlines We’ll Never See!

**FIRST PLACE**

IRS Appreciation Day Parade to Be Held Saturday.
   Angie Brennan, Annapolis MD

**SECOND PLACE**

US Presidential Job Outsourced to India.
   Charles “Curt” Benkendorf, Northwestern University, Evanston/Chicago IL

**THIRD PLACE**

Hamas leader finally recognizes Israel after receiving a world map for Christmas.
   Claudio Almeida, Seixal, Portugal

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

White House painted pink to confuse terrorists.

Record Entries to HumorPower Competition Overloads Servers.

Singer 50 Cent devaluated to a Nickel.

Mel Gibson builds Synagogue. 

World so screwed up — Down Under is now On Top!

Politician keeps a promise.

Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinski co-author book — Marriage and Fidelity.

Distemper shots help Nancy Grace.

Ratings slump for Donald Trump…Network said, “You’re fired.”

Stevie wonders why he called.

Used Car Salesman of the Year admits he was too honest for political career.

Bigamist blames it on Russian mail order brides 2 for 1 sale.

Red Tape holds up government building.

Borat appointed US Ambassador to Iran. 

Cheney accidentally shoots another lawyer, 2 down — thousands to go. 

Bush admits that the Ozone Layer is more important than Oil.

Pope proposes Paris Hilton’s beatification.

Ahmadinejad and Bin Laden race for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Courts Close Due to Lack of Lawsuits.

Viewers Cry: We’re Sick of Reality TV — Bring Back Fantasy Island.

President Bush Delivers Eloquent Speech.

Britney Spears Named Role Model for 2007.

Madonna Sponsors Line of Designer Smocks.
 
Convention Members Attend All Scheduled Meetings While in Town — Las Vegas Casinos Forced To Close.

Hunter postpones travel plans to have Thanksgiving dinner with his family.

Hillary Clinton selects Monica Lewinski to be Campaign Chairman.

Great Tragedy — Boy eats shark.

Congress takes a salary cut.

Whirlpool announces Global A/C Unit to combat Global Warming.  Al Gore to endorse.  Possible movie in the works.

Parents outraged at proposed sale of baby beer.

Shopper Injured by Fall Won’t Sue; Blames Own Clumsiness.

Trump To Open Hair Salon Chain.

 ** Look for our next contest on February 1.