Creative Humor Writing — Heavenly Humor Contest

Here are the top lines from our “You Know You’re In Heaven” contest.  The lines were selected from over 200 entries by a panel of five judges (speakers and improv players). 

Look for our next contest on August 1.  The theme will be Jobs Your Parents Would Love.  If you have an idea for a future contest, drop us a line!

FIRST PLACE

You know you’re in heaven when…getting by with a “wing and a prayer” is the norm.
     Michele Evans, Buffalo New York, USA

SECOND PLACE

You know you’re in heaven when…you yell, “Heaven Help Me!” and the environment starts responding.
     Ken Egervari, Windsor Ontario, Canada

THIRD PLACE

You know you’re in heaven when you’re hanging out with Einstein, Shakespeare and Hendrix.  And you’ve not been drinking.
     Jonathan Deamer, England, UK (check out Jonathan’s popular blog)

FOURTH PLACE

You know you’re in heaven when…a day watching the Angels does not involve baseball.
     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo California, USA

HONORABLE MENTION (In random order)

You know you’re in heaven when…you win the Humor Power contest, New Yorker cartoon contest, and your husband laughs at your jokes.

You know you’re in heaven when…the puffs of clouds around you aren’t smog.

You know you’re in heaven when…all queues are at Hells Gate, airport security check in.

You know you’re in heaven when…angels sing prayers for glory of God, not rock songs for global warming.

You know you’re in heaven when…you are absolutely protected from fire.  All the 9-11 firemen heroes are around you.

You know you’re in heaven when…you stand on a weigh scale and think you don’t need to continue your diet but you really do.

You know you’re in heaven when…low-fat foods taste heavenly.

You know you’re in heaven when…your address is “Cloud 9.”

You know you’re in heaven when…the “wings” you ordered don’t come in a bucket.

You know you’re in heaven when you discover cherubim and seraphim are not brand names of dietary supplements.

You know you’re in heaven when…the audience tells the heckler to shut-up.

You know you’re in heaven when…the music on hold is always “Stairway to Heaven.”

You know you’re in heaven when…the toilet seat is always up (or down; whatever).

You know you’re in heaven when…the pistachio nuts are always easy to open

You know you’re in heaven when…there aren’t any cell phones ringing.
 
 You know you’re in heaven when…there’s a ring around your head instead of your collar.
 
You know you’re in heaven when…you find out Britney Spears has quit singing.
 
You know you’re in heaven when…there’s nothing on the news about terrorism.  And it’s not just because Paris Hilton is out of jail.

You know you’re in heaven when…you can always find a bathroom when you need one.  And it’s not in a McDonalds.
  
You know you’re in heaven when…you hit the World Series winning Homerun in the bottom of the ninth inning that breaks the career record for homeruns. And you catch it while sitting in the stands and sell the ball for 3 Million dollars.

You know you’re in heaven when…you always have time to stop and smell the roses.

You know you’re in heaven when…you are asked to enroll into the Cross Celestial Adaptability Course.

You know you’re in heaven when…you get to eat all the angel food cake you want and never have to diet again.

You know you’re in heaven when…you now know how to play a harp.

You know you’re in heaven when…you kick the smoking habit…which is what got you there in the first place.

You know you’re in heaven when…Elvis brings cheeseburgers to your golf game with Abe Lincoln and everybody plays like Tiger Woods. 

You know you’re in heaven when…Ray Charles loves your new hair-do, and yells his approval across the room.

You know you’re in heaven when…the music doesn’t have a rap beat.

You know you’re in heaven when…when everyone hears the same language; the tones of united peace, total acceptance and respect. 

You know you’re in heaven when…all your wives agree you’re right.

You know you’re in heaven when…no-one is saying “I’m bored!”