Quirky Paychecks — Creative Humor Writing Contest

Here are the top lines from our Quirky Paychecks joke writing contest.

Look for new Cartoon Caption Contests on the 1st of the month. 

Look for new Joke Writing Contests on the 15 of each month.

Our panel of seven judges (speakers and improv players) had a challenging time picking the best lines from the more than 200 submitted.  Be sure to check out the Honorable Mention listing; lots of funny and creative lines.  Excellent writing by all who  submitted.


The philosopher gets paid theoretically.
     Brandon Carrasco, New Mexico, USA


Spies get paid in Bonds…James Bonds.
     Jim Spero, Las Vegas, Nevada, USA


Robert gets paid in Dinero. 
     Les Harden, Brisbane, Australia

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

Catwalk Models get paid from the kitty.
Numismatists get paid in token money.
Lousy speakers get paid in a little hush money.
Screen writers get paid in script.
Angry store clerks get paid in counter-fit money.
Ice carvers get paid in frozen assets.
Refrigeration repair persons get paid in cold cash.
Bowlers get paid in spare change
When bowlers get paid they strike it rich.
Book publishers print their own money and they copy right.
Authors get paid in pen money.
Kleptomaniacs get paid in seized funds.
Poker players in one NY city collect their winnings in Buffalo chips.
Authors have money hot off the press and store it in boxes in their garage.
Book printers are paid on demand.
Hypocondriacs are paid in ill gotten gains.
Quarterbacks get paid in sacks of money.
Marine biologists get paid in sand dollars.
Peasants get paid in common cents.
Volunteers get paid in non cents.
Cheney’s friends get paid in buck shots.
Al Gore gets paid with green.
Pet store owners get paid with guineas.
Kings and queens get paid in crowns.
Professional poker players get paid in spades.
Weightlifters get paid a ton.
Bakers get paid in bankrolls.
Vegans get paid in green stuff.
Hillary gets paid in big Bills.
Dry cleaners get paid in laundered money
Janitors get paid in dirty money
Basketball players get paid in body checks
A college professor gets paid in smart money.
A plumber’s paycheck has a low cash flow.
A dairy farmer gets paid with plenty of moolah.
A restaurateur gets paid in cabbage, clams and dough.
A concert pianist gets paid a grand.
Fashion models get paid a pretty penny.
Duck farmers get paid in bills.
Perfumers get paid in cents.
Tailors get paid pin money.
Comedians get paid funny money.
Kilt makers get paid in large checks.
Singers get paid in notes.
Medieval criminals get paid in stocks.
Vampires prefer Blood money.
Boxers get paid in Pounds.
Carpenters get paid by the Pound.
Politicians get paid by the people, while the people get played by the politicians.
Rockstars get paid in hard cash.
Kermit The Frog gets greenbacks.
Miss piggy brings home the bacon.
Race car drivers get paid in fast cash.
Barbers get paid a cut of the profit.
Elephant handlers get paid peanuts.
Hot dog vendors are paid in franks.
School teachers are paid in marks.
Mechanics get their palms greased.
Journalists get paid in currency.
Orthodontists have their money wired to them.
Impersonators get paid in counterfeit money.
Dogs get paid under the table.
Dermatologists get paid in skins.
Phlebotomists get paid with blood money.
Pharmacists get paid with drug money.
Dairy farmers get paid with milk money.
Pig farmers are makin bacon.
Detectives get paid in tips.
Bus drivers get paid in pocket change.
Rappers get paid in bling.
Internet browser get paid in cache.
Benjamin Franklin gets paid in himself.
Hockey players get paid in checks.
Stock brokers are paid in tips.
Bakers get paid in sour dough.