Creative Humor Writing — Contest Results

Here are the results from our Quirky Job Placement joke contest.  The top lines were selected by a panel of six judges (speakers and improv players).

Our next joke contest is announced on April 15.

Our next Cartoon Caption Contest is announced on May 1.

Here are the top lines:


Public Relations Expert:  Hire the Maytag repairman because he knows a great deal about the spin cycle.
     Derek Bly, Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada


Vice-President of Operations:  Hire a priest because he is a white-collar worker in charge of mass production.
     Gary Bachman, Hagerstown, Maryland, USA


Courier:  Hire a gynecologist because they are good at making deliveries.
     Arun Ramkumar, Chennai , India

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

– Pianist:  Hire a duck, it’s feathers will make it easier to tickle the ivories.
– Circus clown:  Hire a politician.
– Landscaper:  Hire a reporter to dig up dirt.
– Farmer:  Hire a politician to spread the manure.
– Computer Web Designer:  Hire Spiderman. 
– Accountant:  Hire a farmer because you need an experienced bean counter.
– Politics:  Elect a photographer. Image is everything.
– Sanitation:  Hire a bouncer, they’re not afraid to take out the trash.
– Computers:  Hire the Orkin man, he’ll get the bugs out.
– Weatherman:  Hire an astrologer.  The prediction rate can’t get any worse.
– Plumber:  Hire a Welsh dancer.  They know what to do with clogs.
– Stockbroker:  Hire a baker.  He can make you lots of dough.
– Baker:  Hire a stockbroker.  They patiently hold the dough until it rises.
– Dentist:  Hire a Queen.  She can crown you.
– Grocer:  Hire a bag lady.
– Actor:  Hire a lawyer…they find it easy to make lies look believable.
– Astronomer:  Hire a gossip journalist…they know all about the stars.
– Psychiatrist:  Hire a bartender…people have no problems opening up to them.
– Gas station attendant:  Hire a bodybuilder..they are good at pumping it up.
– Accountant: Hire a chef…he can cook the books well.
– Cobbler:  Hire evangelists….they can mend broken soles.
– Diplomat:  Hire a mime…they will never say anything that could lead to trouble.
– Electrician:  Hire a newsreader…they are good with current affairs
– Stripper:  Hire nudists.  The trick is getting them dressed so they can start working.
– Receptionists make good lobbyists.
– Forest Ranger:  Hire a gigolo…they know all about the wild life.
– Trumpeter:  Hire a publicist…they are good at blowing their own horn.
– Architects:  Hire a writer..they like to build on a plot.
– Professional  Magician:  Hire a sheep rancher…they know how to pull the wool over people’s eyes.
– Anesthesiologist:  Hire a high school principal.  His speeches will save the hospital money.
– Investment bank data analyst:  Hire a train spotter. As long as they take down some numbers regularly, they will have a good sleep at night.