Being Funny — Joke Writing Contest

It’s time for the results of our most recent joke writing contest.

New Joke Contests are announced on the 15th of the month.

And new Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the 1st of the month.

Our theme for this month’s contest asks:  What does Santa Claus do after the Christmas season is over?

Here are the top entries:

** FIRST PLACE ** (A tie)

He lives in California as a polygamist in towns occupied by each of his wives. Santa Barbara, Santa Rosa, Santa Clara, Santa Monica, Santa Anna and Santa Maria.
      Jim Spero, Las Vegas, Nevada, USA

He appears at 6 billion “breaking and entering” court dates.
     Justin, Newark, New Jersey, USA

** SECOND PLACE **

He offers his sleigh and reindeer to Gov. Blagojevich for a US senate seat.
     Gary Bachman, Hagerstown, Maryland, USA

** THIRD PLACE **

The fiendish desire to give fulfilled for another year, Santa’s back working at the IRS…and he knows who’s been naughty.
     Les Harden, Brisbane, Australia

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – He works as a bail-out lobbyist. Merry Christmas, Banks and Automakers! Ho Ho Ho!
  – He goes to Julliard and is a model for sculpture students who are majoring in Busts of Greek Gods.
  – He shaves his head and becomes Buddha.
  – Santa becomes a night security guard at Toys-R-Us where he lets his elves into abscond with presents.
  – Santa retired 20 years ago and turned business over to the only person in the world with enough database to handle the naughty and nice list and have funds to be able to give away all the toys.  Bill Gates.
  – He runs a meat market that specializes in venison.
  – He works as a Wal-Mart greeter.
  – With offers of higher wages and better benefits, he tries to entice elves to leave Keebler.
  – He calls Geico to save 15% on sleigh insurance.
  – He and the Easter Bunny search for unicorns in Shangri-La. 
  – He spends his off time fighting Claustrophobia.
  – Santa spends the off season employed as a lawyer working on legal Clauses.
  – In the off season resumes his role as rock star Carlos Santa-na.
  – Santa eats in elf-service restaurants.
  – Santa spends off time getting exercise doing north pole vaulting.
  – When Santa is not delivering presents, he is a chimney sweep.
  – Santa goes on vacation with his wife.  They call it the escape clause.
  – Santa studies physics, especially Clause and effect.
  – During the off season Santa has to fight the urge to go to the south pole because he has bi-polar disease.
  – During the slow season Santa likes pole dances.
  – Instead of returning to North Pole Santa winds up in New York to hibernate until next Christmas with all the other Bears on Wall Street.
  – Santa uses his frequent flyer miles for extended vacations at pet friendly Red Roof Inn hotels.
  – I know for a fact that Santa rides across the states on a Harley wearing black leather and checking on all the kids checking if they are good or bad.  He’s the one with the long white beard.
  – He’s joining President Elect O’Bama’s cabinet as Commerce Secretary.
  – He works three shifts a day at Wal-Mart.
  – Everyone knows that after Labor Day, Colonel Sanders changes out of his white suit!
  – Santa is a carpenter.  He hauls the decks.
  – Santa runs a cat grooming service:  Claus Claws.
  – Back at the North Pole, Santa just chills out.
  – After 37 billion milk and cookies snacks, Santa works out all year so he can fit in the sleigh for the next Christmas.
  – After Christmas, Santa changes back to Rabbi Moshe.