Joke Contest Results — Unlikely Quotes
Let’s look at the top lines for our current humor writing contest, Unlikely Quotes.
New Joke Contests are announced mid-month.
New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month.
Here are this month’s top lines:
** FIRST PLACE **
“Would you like flies with that?” An Entomologist working at a fast-food restaurant.
Greg Gazin, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
** SECOND PLACE **
“Close enough!” A horseshoe champion performing brain surgery.
Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California, USA
** THIRD PLACE **
“It was a dark and stormy night.” A fiction writer working as a weather forecaster.
Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois, USA
HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)
– “I’m always breaking out!” A juvenile delinquent parole violator,
talking with his dermatologist.
– “Lets put it on the rack and see what it looks like.” An auto mechanic working at Victoria’s Secret.
– “A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar.” John Kinde working at open mic night at the local Komedy Klub.
– “Let’s give the wheel another spin.” Pat Sajak working as a steering tester at the GM assembly plant.
– “You’re thinking, did I draw a six or only a five. You gotta ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?” Harry Callahan working as a blackjack dealer.
– “It was the best of rhymes, it was the worst of rhymes.” Charles Dickens working as a poetry contest judge.
– “Talk to me Goose.” Tom Cruise (Maverick) working at a Children’s Zoo.
– “You deserve to break something today.” Ronald McDonald working as a karate instructor.
– “I’ll just sleep on it a while.” A narcoleptic working as a night watchman at a mattress factory.
– “I’m not as dumb as I think I am.” Yogi Berra working as a Mensa spokesman.
– “Would you like to Super-Size that?” Jenny Craig working at a fast-food restaurant.
– “Safe!” An umpire providing results from a pregnancy test.
– “Duck.” Former VP Dick Cheney announcing his specialty as a head chef.
– “Presto chango.” A magician working as a babysitter.
– “Open sesame!” Ali Baba, working at McDonalds and attempting to open a package of hamburger buns
– “Get along little doggie!” A cowboy foreman, telling his crew to buy a Dachshund.
– “Give me liberty or give me meth!” Patrick Henry working in an illegal drug lab.
– “Dance, pardner!” An old west gunslinger working at an Arthur Murray dance studio.
– “To your left is the Empire State Building.” Chesley Sullenberger working as a tour guide on a Hudson River boat cruise.
– “Th, th, th , th, th, that’s All, folks!” Porky Pig selling laundry detergent.
– “Mush!” A dog sled driver working as a waiter and telling diners what breakfast is today.
– “Good Morning Glass!” A teacher in a China shop.
– “Pass me the salt.” The gourmand in the operating theatre.