Joke Contest Results — Unlikely Quotes

Let’s look at the top lines for our current humor writing contest, Unlikely Quotes.

New Joke Contests are announced mid-month.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month.

Here are this month’s top lines:


“Would you like flies with that?”  An Entomologist working at a fast-food restaurant.

     Greg Gazin, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada


“Close enough!”  A horseshoe champion performing brain surgery.

     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California, USA


“It was a dark and stormy night.”  A fiction writer working as a weather forecaster.

     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois, USA

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – “I’m always breaking out!” A juvenile delinquent parole violator, 
talking with his dermatologist.
  – “Lets put it on the rack and see what it looks like.”  An auto mechanic working at Victoria’s Secret.
  – “A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar.”  John Kinde working at open mic night at the local Komedy Klub.
  – “Let’s give the wheel another spin.”  Pat Sajak working as a steering tester at the GM assembly plant.
  – “You’re thinking, did I draw a six or only a five.  You gotta ask yourself a question:  Do I feel lucky?”  Harry Callahan working as a blackjack dealer.
  – “It was the best of rhymes, it was the worst of rhymes.”  Charles Dickens working as a poetry contest judge.
  – “Talk to me Goose.”  Tom Cruise (Maverick) working at a Children’s Zoo.
  – “You deserve to break something today.”  Ronald McDonald working as a karate instructor.
  – “I’ll just sleep on it a while.”  A narcoleptic working as a night watchman at a mattress factory.
   – “I’m not as dumb as I think I am.”  Yogi Berra working as a Mensa spokesman.
  – “Would you like to Super-Size that?”  Jenny Craig working at a fast-food restaurant.
  – “Safe!”  An umpire providing results from a pregnancy test.
  – “Duck.”  Former VP Dick Cheney announcing his specialty as a head chef.
  – “Presto chango.”  A magician working as a babysitter.
  – “Open sesame!”  Ali Baba, working at McDonalds and attempting to open a package of hamburger buns
  – “Get along little doggie!”   A cowboy foreman, telling his crew to buy a Dachshund.
  – “Give me liberty or give me meth!”  Patrick  Henry working in an illegal drug lab.
  – “Dance, pardner!”  An old west gunslinger working at an Arthur Murray dance studio.
  – “To your left is the Empire State Building.”  Chesley Sullenberger working as a tour guide on a Hudson River boat cruise.
  – “Th, th, th , th, th, that’s All, folks!”  Porky Pig selling laundry detergent.
  – “Mush!”  A dog sled driver working as a waiter and telling diners what breakfast is today.
  – “Good Morning Glass!”  A teacher in a China shop.
  – “Pass me the salt.”  The gourmand in the operating theatre.