Occupational Illness — Joke Contest Results

The Occupational Illness contest was popular.  It’s time for the results.

New Joke Contests are announced mid-month.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of each month.  Here are this month’s top lines:


Vanna White:  Irritable Vowel Syndrome
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois, USA


McDonald’s restaurant manager:  Fallen Arches
     Carrie Paige, Dallas, Texas, USA


A big game hunter:  Rhinoplasty
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois, USA

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Carpenter:  Hang Nail
  – Fisherman:  Hookworm
  – Air conditioner repairman: The Chills
  – Joke writer:  The Yucks
  – Computer technician:  Susceptible to Viruses
  – Electrician:  In Shock
  – Fortune teller:  Vision Loss
  – Tightrope walker for an audience of ducks:  Fear of Down
  – Banker:  Apathy (loss of interest)
  – Tuba player:  G-cleft Palate
  – Politician:  Foot-in-mouth Disease
  – Gingerbread Man:  Gingervitis
  – River tour guide:  Cataracts
  – Golfer:  Stroke
  – Farmer:  Chicken Pox
  – Writer:  Appendicitis
  – Teacher:  Fixed Pupils
  – Soldier:  GI Infection
  – Beer brewer:  Migraine
  – Ditch digger:  Tunnel Vision
  – Calvinist:  Presbyopia
  – A runner:  Athlete’s Foot
  – Successful Politician:  Influenca
  – Salesman:  Salemonella
  – Citrus farmer:  Lime Disease
  – Model T mechanic:  Cranker sores
  – Furniture maker:  Chest pain
  – Over-Worked Tug Boat Captain:  Sore Toe
  – Textile worker:  Dying
  – Mailman:  Urticaria
  – Studio applause director:  The Clap
  – Runner:  Runny Nose
  – Indicted politician:  Lockjaw
  – Police officer:  Cardiac Arrest
  – Congressmen who vote for tax increases:  Wasting Disease, Nearsightedness, and Bloating.
  – Farmer:  Planter Warts and Corns.
  – Cowboy:  Heel Spurs.
  – Jockey:  Hoarse Throat
  – Carpenter:  Hammer Toe
  – Homeland Security Agent:  Borderline Personality
  – Funeral director:  Graves Disease
  – Medieval torturer:  Whiplash
  – Baker:  Bunions
  – Mason:  Kidney Stones
  – Food packer: Tin-nitus
  – Mailman:  Post-traumatic Stress
  – Candy-maker:  Gum Infection
  – Miner:  Carpal Tunnel
  – Pro ball players:  Choking
  – Gang member:  Lead poisoning
  – Lazy worker who spends all day in bed:  Prostrate Disease
  – Photographer:  Hot Flashes
  – Politician who thinks too much of himself:  Impotence
  – Daytime talk show host:  Whoopie Cough
  – Musician:  Deep Vein Trombonsis
  – River Dancer:  Restless Leg Syndrome
  – Sewer Worker:  Tunnel Vision
  – Golf Pro:  Club Foot
  – Buidling Implosion Specialist:  Collapsed Lung
  – Teacher:  Low Grade Fever
  – Plumber:  Joint Pain
  – Fireman:  Heartburn
  – Highway engineer:  Quadruple Bypass
  – Mail carrier:  Post Parcel Depression
  – Comedian:  Broken Funny Bone
  – Danny DeVito:  Short Sightedness
  – Service station owner:  Excess Gas
  – Playground monitor who puts band aids on minor scrapes:  Kid Knee Disease
  – Chimney Sweep:  The Flue
  – President of a medical school (with grown children):  M D nest Syndrome
  – Policeman:  Cardiac Arrest
  – Hat maker:  Barrett Syndrome
  – Airline pilot:  Altitude Sickness
  – Rodeo rider:  Bronc-itis
  – Tin container manufacturer:  Cancer
  – Toilet paper manufacturer:  Scott syndrome
  – Crater geologist:  Depression
  – Nervy people:  Gallstones
  – Teachers with curved spines:  Schooliosis
  – Sleeping DEA officer:  Narcolepsy
  – Carhop:  Parkingson’s Disease
  – Red Buttons and Red Skelton:  Scarlet Fever
  – Professional travel writer:  Tourette’s Syndrome
  – Plumber:  Wrenched Back
  – Muffler installer:  Exhaustion
  – Accountant having trouble trouble concentrating:  ADD
  – A king being crowned:  Coronation Artery Disease
  – Mexican fast-food chef:  Taco Bell’s Palsy
  – Tourist in France’s capital:  Parisites
  – Rubber tree plant farmer:  Gum Disease
  – Cantaloupe farmer:  Melonoma
  – Person missing the front of his foot:  Lack-toes Intolerance
  – Repo man:  Seizures
  – Interior decorator:  Room-atism
  – Stripper:  Boobonic Plague
  – Metallurgist:  Tinnitus
  – Train dispatcher:  Terminal Illness
  – Mall Santa:  Claustrophobia
  – Artist:  Stroke
  – Acrobat:  The Bends
  – Zookeeper:  Elephantiasis
  – Wheat farmer:  Migraine
  – Watch maker:  Tick fever