More Quirky Medications

Our Quirky Medications contest featured many great lines from our readers.  Let’s look at a few of the techniques that people used for coming up with humorous twists.

Similar Sounds:  Aussiecotton – Softens and protects any condition “Down Under”

Add A Letter:  Frolic acid – Makes you feel young again

Keeping The Cadence:  Suethefed – Legal relief for people fed up with the Federal Reserve Bank

Looking For Common Qualities:  Lyrica-Allegro-Concerto with Cymbalta – Taken by orchestra members before a performance to keep them upbeat

Playing With Names:  Gerrytol – Mr Fleischmann’s medicine (another one of our frequent submitters and winners, Gerald Fleischmann)

Linking Phrases:  Halls of Montezuma – Marines use this for sore throat

Using Stereotypical Patterns:  Blowtox PM – Eliminates the urge to be a late-night wind-bag

Marty Bernstein is a name you might recognize.  He is a frequent contributor to our contests and is often recognized in the top three. 

His submissions for the February contest, Quirky Medications, were either lost in the shuffle, lost when our site was down for maintenance, or lost in the Bermuda Triangle.

Marty is one of the contributors who rarely submits just three entries.  He ususally submits dozens.  That’s one of the keys to creativity.  Part of success is a numbers game.  The more you write, the more likely one of your creations will be a gem.  Your best line is rarely the first line you write.  In fact it probably isn’t in the first ten lines you write.  Just when you think you can’t come up with anything else…write ten more lines.

Let’s look into the sharp and prolific mind of one of our creative writers, Marty Bernstein.  Look at how he came up with multiple lines for Rolaids and Tylenol.  Here are the lines he submitted, or tried to submit, for the February contest:

  – Suethefed  – Legal relief for people fed up with the Federal Reserve Bank
  – Vicks Capo Rub – For your next dispute with a rival boss 
  – Nia-C-span  –  Vitamin that helps you understand politics
  – Avotart  –  Relieves the blues
  – Heevadart  –  Used as a complement to acupuncture
  – Brotox  –  Wrinkle cream for men
  – Spinderal  –  Relieves vertigo
  – Lyrica-Allegro-Concerto with Cymbalta  –  Taken by orchestra members before a performance to keep them upbeat
  – Premarrian  –  Relieves wedding day stress
  – Mercedes Benztyl  –  Soothes muscles sore from waxing your car
  – Nystatins  –  East coast heart disease treatment
  – Aspen-icillin  –  Antibiotic for ski injuries
  – Stroke-a-cola  –  Stops bleeding in the brain
  – Gaspirin  –  Take when out of breath
  – Drollaids  –  Improves your sense of humor
  – Bowlaids  – Two tablets and you throw nothing but strikes
  – Cadvil – Removes scoundrels and rogues from your love life
  – Abracadabravir – Removes your fear of magic
  – Cleptobismol  –  Stops thieves and upset stomach
  – Gerrytol  –  Mr Fleschmann’s medicine
  – Proxycontin  –  Ease the pain of voting for corporate officers
  – Stairoids – Helps arthritics up and down steps
  – Bonivaschmoniva  –  Placebo for women without osteoporosis
  – Norcolepsaway  –  Cures Scandinavian sleep disorders
  – Adderalup  –  A favorite to help CPAs concentrate.
  – Spinactin  –  Used in Hollywood by actors with an itch for an Oscar
  – Waldomet  – Take this and you’ll not only find Waldo, you’ll meet him
  – Oilbutterol  –  Reduces cholesterol (but we don’t know how)
  – Addedpex  –  For bigger chest muscles
  – AdapAbiline  –  Helps you accustom to your new home town in Texas
  – Essence of alphabet soup  –  Cures irritable vowel syndrome (irritable vowel syndrome: winner of September 2009 joke contest)
  – Scoldeeze  – Relieves discomfort after your boss chews you out
  – Mr Beano  –  Relieves discomfort after watching English comedians
  – Dr Schoolls  –  Foot care products that help you through podiatry college
  – Theraflute  –  Taken for sore lips after playing wind instruments
  – Halls of Montezuma  –  Marines use this for sore throat
  – Little vitamins A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z.   –  Take after reading too many Dr. Seuss books
  – And, the Tylenol jokes:
  – Crylenol  –  dries tears
  – Dielenol  –  eases the pain, but…
  – Guylenol  –  Relieves the pain of softball, football and basketball injuries
  – Frylenol  –  Relieves burns
  – Maitailenol  –  Hangover cure
  – Prylenol  –  Cures nosy people
  – Rilelenol  –  Cures road rage
  – Vielenol  –  Ease the stress of competition
  – Whylenol  –  Helps you solve life’s mysteries

Thanks to Marty for a lesson in creativity.  Remember that the value is in the process.  It’s not about winning a contest.