Joke Contest Results — Creative Cures

It’s time for the results of our Creative Cures humor contest.  The theme was inspired by Sol Morrison from Santa Barbara, California. 

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is July 1, 2010.

Here are this month’s top lines:


The cure for military personnel having bad hair days:  Head and Soldiers Shampoo.
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois


The cure for New Orleans:  Move Congress there to live.
     Tena Thompson, Las Vegas, Nevada


The cure for awful lower back tattoos:  Require that the client view a 20-year age progression of the tattoo before the artist begins.

     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

 HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – The cure for a happy attitude:  Watch the evening newscast.
  – The cure for an obsessive compulsion to be correct:  Become a Meteorologist.
  – The cure for Apathy:  Sitting on a Giant Red Ant hill.
  – The cure for lethargy:  Hitting a Beehive with a Baseball bat.
  – The cure for your witch spell not working:  Say it in cursive script.
  – The cure for the Stock Market Blues:  Stop trying to keep up with the Dow Jones’.
  – The cure for bad Father’s Day neckties:  Require that the giver wear the tie to two job interviews before Father’s Day.
  – The cure for Disease:  Just unionize germs.  They’re bound to strike and walk off the job sooner or later.
  – The cure for Dented Fenders:  Make all fenders out of Memory Foam.
  – The cure for Sunburn:  Red Tape.
  – The cure for bad haircuts:  Require that the coiffeur-challenged live in a house with mirrored walls and ceilings.
  – The cure for too-loud teen music:  Require that teens be given boom boxes that only play 70’s lite rock classics.
  – The cure for cell phone use while driving:  Require that those caught wear blindfolds and earplugs while driving.
  – The cure for the gulf oil spill:  Oil industry executives with mile long straws.
  – The cure for Marines with sore throats:  Halls of Montezuma.
  – The cure for burned bread:  Toastmasters.
  – The cure for dangling participles:  Marry an English teacher.
  – The cure for varicose veins:  Flesh colored markers.
  – The cure for male wrinkles:  Brotox.
  – The cure for heart disease in NY harbor:  Statin Island.
  – The cure for bad Federal Reserve Bank behavior:  Suethefed.
  – The cure for remote voting for corporate officers:  Proxycontin.
  – The cure for thieves with stomach aches:  Cleptobismol.
  – The cure for insomnia in southern California:  Santa Barbarituates.
  – The cure for tears:  Crylenol.
  – The cure for nosy people:  Prylenol.