Look For Something Else to Do
The day after publishing my June newsletter, I received an email from a subscriber:
“honestly, i didn’t get your humor, why don’t you look for something else to do?”
Feedback like that can create thoughts which can be either destructive or productive.
DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS make us feel bad. They can make us angry. They block our growth. They don’t serve us. Thoughts such as:
– I worked for hours creating that newsletter. And I sent it out for free! Neither of these thoughts are good cause to be upset.
– What does he know! I’ve done hundreds of monologues and over one thousand comedy programs over the last 40 years. Lots of people think I’m funny. But it’s still a fact that I’m not funny to him.
– I’m being personally attacked. Our humor can easily become a touchy area. We take ownership of our funny lines. We’ve created our jokes. They’re part of us. They’re a reflection on our judgment and our logic. We invested time and effort in their design. And when someone doesn’t like a joke, it can sting…but only if we allow it to. Our attitudes, positive and negative, are always a choice.
PRODUCTIVE THOUGHTS help us to accept feedback positively. Thoughts such as:
– He was speaking the truth. His truth. My style of humor was not funny to him. Only he is the judge of what is funny to him.
– He probably has a good sense of humor. If I were to observe him telling a joke to his friends, they would probably laugh. There’s a good chance I might not find it funny. Neither of us is bad, or wrong, just different.
– He is coming from a good place. Maybe this isn’t always true, but usually it is (98 percent of the time in my opinion). And it’s a thought that serves you well.
– We have different tastes in humor just as we have different tastes in many areas of life. Not everyone likes heavy metal rock. Not everyone thinks that rap music is music. We like different movies. We get excited about different TV shows. Some people love reality programs. Others think they’re totally fake. So it is with humor…different jokes for different folks.
– We thrive by accepting feedback. It helps us to understand people better. The better our understanding of what makes people tick, the more likely we’ll have stronger relationships with a wide variety of people.
– No joke will ever connect with every member of a specific audience. Few of us are experts in cultural humor, generational humor, regional humor, or in the differences between male and female humor. I’m not an expert in those areas. So I try not to beat myself up when one of my jokes doesn’t pass the test with a reader or an audience member.
– It doesn’t matter that I think a joke was funny. It doesn’t matter that other subscribers think I’m funny. Those things are irrelevant. Some people aren’t going to like my humor. And that’s OK.
– Let your expectations be positive. It helps that my goal for the newsletter and blog isn’t primarily to be funny. My aim is to help others get in touch with what they find funny. And when I get an occasional email from someone who found a monologue really funny…I’m usually more surprised than I am pleased. Because I know that the power of the humor is often based on the “you had to be there” factor. So I expect most of my writings to be learning tools not laughter generators.
– Don’t be needy. Don’t be searching for validation. It helps that over the last 40 years I’ve had audience feedback that I am funny. Hundreds of Observational Humor monologues, and over 1000 comedy programs have passed the audience test and confirmed to me that I can be funny. But not to everyone.
– Fortunately, I don’t receive lots of emails like the one I quoted. It isn’t that other readers don’t feel the same way. Most of them just quietly go away and don’t tell me why. That’s probably a good thing. If I received 100 emails like that every week…I’d look for something else to do!
June 10th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Often we can sit back in our anonymity and type out destructive words.
Personally, I wouldn’t have spent nearly as much time thinking about his comment. I find you’re a giving person, and what you do enhances my life. And for that I thank you. (BTW, you don’t know me.)
But because of comments like that, that is why I don’t allow comments on my blog. I’m sure that I may be poorer for that, but I detest snide comments. To me it’s more a sign of immaturity, and rudeness, which is all over the internet.
June 11th, 2010 at 7:35 am
Hi Mike,
Thanks for the thoughtful words. Much appreciated.
I’m careful about what comments I post. Every comment gets reviewed and approved before being posted. For every legitimate comment, I get about 200 spam comments…not negative comments, but people trying to sell their products. They never see the light of day on my site.
I don’t have a problem posting critical comments, the one I wrote the post on actually wasn’t a blog comment but an email. But if they’re totally mean-spirited, I just delete and don’t dwell on them.
I didn’t write the post for self-healing and reflection, but rather felt the thoughts might be interersting or useful to some readers. And after more than 300 posts, I’m always looking for new article ideas.
On the subject of mean-spirited comments, it reminds me of a great perspective: “A standing ovation says more about the audience than it does the performer!” The same is true of mean-spirited comments.
John
July 1st, 2010 at 9:47 am
John-Thank you for the insights on ‘rude criticism’. I have no problem being coached by mentors. Now when unsolicited coaching is given by a non-mentor I know how to accept it and file it.
As for your humor and why I appreciate your style-it is subtle. I enjoy having to let it soak in to get the laugh. Thank you for all you have taught me and creating a place where I can play to my hearts content.
July 1st, 2010 at 11:12 am
I think you’re a genius. I also imagine a lot of people benefited from the reminders in this article ; )
July 1st, 2010 at 7:35 pm
Hi John!
You are one of the million people in this world who love to share their expertise for free-and I find it very informative your free ezine here, It is guiding me to discover my humor side that i hid for 30 years. My life has been change to positivity in dealing with everyday life because of your email- I made lemonade in every lemon i received. You’re an inspiration!
You are right, different joke for different folks. The one who sent you email is just a ripe fruit not suitable for consumption. Don’t mind him. What is important you continue to inspire people.
Thank you john!
July 6th, 2010 at 3:59 am
Hello John,
Thank you for the reflection on negative criticism and criticism in general. The experience and contemplation of the topic makes us better people and speakers.
I think your newsletters and webpage are both educational and funny. I find the newsletter to be a good reminder and motivational to keep practicing my humor skills.
Keep up the great work… you are helping lots of people to grow,
Jose
July 6th, 2010 at 4:03 am
… and I thought I had finished growing when I was 18
July 6th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Hi John,
At first when I came across your blog – I too didn’t think that this was funny. However, as I browsed the posts and articles I “got” that this wasn’t a blog which was intended to be funny / humorous (although it often is!) but rather a gentle guide to show how to be funny – which is very powerful. I guess it was a case of expectation mismatch from what I expected to what I found. This may in part be due to the link / description from where I landed to your blog – not really sure.
However, as a subscriber – I look forward to your newsletters and posts. This post is a very amazing way to positively look at any thing! Thank you for your tips, tricks and for sharing this with all of us. I wish you well!
Aditya