Contest Results — The Perfect Pet

Here are the results from our August contest — The Perfect Pet.  The top three entries were selected by a panel of six judges (speakers and improv players).

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is September 1, 2010.

Watch for an analysis of this contest’s entries to be posted on August 24, 2010.

Here are this month’s top lines:

** FIRST PLACE **

Stand-up comedian:  Hamster
     Dr. Jayita Deodhar, Mumbai, India

** SECOND PLACE **

Bowler:  Alley Cat
     Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois, USA

** THIRD PLACE (Tie) **

Shakespearian actor:  Two bees
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois, USA

Chiropractor:  Charlie Horse
     Sol Morrison, Santa Barbara, California, USA

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

Impatient Uncle:  Antelope
Circus ringmaster:  Dog and Pony
Bill Gates:  70 billion male Deer
Sitcom Producer:  Hyena in a trash can
Lingerie designer:  Zebra
Someone standing on the other side of the road:  A chicken
Comic:  Mockingbird
Dog park attendant:  Scoopy doo doo
Weight lifter:  Mussels 
Pear farmer:  Partridge
Dyslexic God:  Dog
Computer programmer:  Bugs and a mouse
Overly aggressive lawyer:  Badger
Abigail Van Buren:  Deer
Pharmacist:  Pill bug
Optometrist:  Gazelle
Dermatologist:  Mole
Writer:  Penguin
Construction worker:  Roadrunner
Auctioneer:  Parrot
Candy maker:  Chocolate lab
Middle aged model:  Cougar
Landscaper:  Hedge hog
Afghanistan Freedom Fighter:  Afghan hound
Carpenter:  Dormouse
Carpenter:  Woodpecker
Plagiarist:  Cheetah
CIA Agent:  Mole
Retired Auctioneer:  Horse
Rubbish pole jumper:  Tadpole
Personal Assistant:  Gopher
Phlebotomist:  Bloodhound
Candy maker:  Chocolate moose
Person who contradicts himself:  A pair of ducks
Prisoner:  Flea
Quack:  A duck
Umpire:  Any kind of fowl
Angry nursing home resident: Old yeller
Wright Brothers:  Mayfly
Priest:  Praying mantis
Noah:  Aardvark
Right-wing news reader:  Fox 
Boxer:  Slug 
Construction worker:  Crane
Soap maker:  Crocodile
Wig fitter:  Heron
Master of no trades:   Jackal
Comedians named Monty:  Python
Bozo:  Clownfish 
Tall fathers:  Daddy long legs
Electrician’s dog:  Wire haired terrier
A gambler’s favorite pet:  Fat Kitty
Opie’s favorite pets:  Ant, Bee
Mechanic:  Horse (If he can’t fix your car, he can lend you his horse.)Blackjack dealer:  Pit bull
Al-Qaeda foot soldier:  Terrierist