Joke Contest Results — Being a Comedian

It’s time to look at the top entries for the December Joke Contest:  Being a Comedian.  It’s a Pun Fest.

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is January 1, 2011.

Here are the top lines selected by our panel of six judges (speakers and improv players).

** FIRST PLACE **

A DEA agent could be a comedian.  He’d be great with narc-narc jokes.
     Sandy Kampner, Oak Lawn, Illinois

**SECOND PLACE**

A telescope could be a comedian, if it has good observational powers.
     Gerald Fleishmann, Fountain Valley, California

** THIRD PLACE **

I would suggest that Rodney Dangerfield could be a good comedian, but I must disrespectfully decline.
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – A dominatrix could be a comedian…she has lots of gags.
  – Sasquatch could do a great bit on “You know what they say about the size of a man’s foot…”
  – A fumigator would be a great comedian, he just kills.
  – My mail box could be a comedian because I laugh every time I open it up and have yet another offer for mortgage protection.
  – A cigar could be a comedian. They hang around Humor doors.
  – A duck could be a comedian. They quack me up.
  – A rubber ball could be a comedian. It always bounces back when a joke bombs.
  – Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer could be a comedian because he knows how to sleigh an audience.
  – A person who came out of the closet could be a comedian since he no longer wanted to be a straight man.
  – My crocheting grandma could be a comedian because she is such a knit-wit.
  – A bad chef could be a comedian because everything he makes tastes funny.
  – The reluctant terrorist could be a comedian if he wants only his jokes to bomb.
  – The demolition expert could be a comedian provided his jokes are a blast.
  – The fishermen could be a comedian since he’s handy with one-liners.
  – A Pot-Bellied Pig would be a good comedian because it’s funny looking and it could really ham it up.
  – John Kinde could be a comedian…if only he was funny.
  – A fitness trainer could be a comedian…especially one who makes you laugh so hard that your abs hurt.
  – A lipstick could be a comedian.  All it has to do is change its first name to “slap.”
  – A shirt could be a comedian, if its material isn’t too thin.
  – A mail order tux shop could be a comedian.  It knows how to deliver a topper.
  – An eyeball could be a comedian, though most of its jokes are in a vitreous humor.
  – The Three Musketeers could be comedians.  They always follow the rule of three.
  – A summer camp lifeguard could be a comedian.  He always uses the buddy system.
  – A stockbroker could be a comedian…he’s full of bull and you have to bear it.
  – A window frame could be a comedian, because it’s silly.
  – The Pony Express coach driver could be a comedian.  He’s always on the stage.
  – An aerobics instructor could be a comedian…she’d have the audience rolling in the aisles.
  – An astronomer could be a comedian…doing impressions of all the big stars.
  – A postman could be a comedian.  He would have a great delivery.
  – A musician could be a comedian.  The jokes would be sharp and not fall flat.
  – A chicken could be a comedian…unless she lays an egg.
  – A hyena could be a comedian because it laughs at its own jokes.
  – Stephen King could be a comedian.  Every joke would be a killer.
  – An old automobile could be a comedian, telling self-depreciating jokes.
  – Joe Pechi could be a comedian. You’d laugh like your life depended on it.
  – A surgeon could be a comedian.  The audience would be in stitches.
  – A phone could be a comedian if it could get rid of its hang-ups.
  – A can opener could be a comedian.  It’s on the cutting edge.
  – Freddie Kruger: His core cutting humor on stage would always kill the audience.
  – Fighter planes could be comedians because they can really bomb.
  – Parents of teenagers could be comedians because they’re used to being heckled.
  – Grave diggers would be great comedians because they have the dirt on everybody.
  – Arm bones could be great comedians because they are humerus.
  – Any politician would be a good comedian.  There’s something funny about all of them.
  – Tony the Tiger is a good comedian.  Everything he says is GREAT!
  – Dalmatians are good comedians.  You will always spot the punchline.
  – US Mint employees are good comedians…their jokes make cents.
  – Meteorologists are good comedians.  They predict the future.  Ha ha ha.
  – Poker players could be good comedians because of their straight lines.  If they bet wrong, they would get flushed, and don’t even get me started on three of a Kinde.
  – A tariff maker’s humor could be tariffic.
  – BARBers  make good insult comics.
  – Carpenters are good joke tellers.  They nail it.
  – Chiropractors crack you up.
  – Fish and game wardens could tell great stories about their wild life
  – Bowlers could be comedians.  Their humor is striking.
  – A lawyer could be a comedian.  He knows how to twist the truth.
  – A stripper could be a comedian.  She knows how to conceal, then reveal a surprise.
  – Santa Claus could be a comedian, but he laughs at his own jokes.  Ho ho ho.
  – A pole vaulter could be a comedian, but he might be a bit over the top.
  – An accountant could be a comedian…if she focused on the bottom punchline.