Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. Ten other club members presented a total of 20 observational lines before I presented my monologue. They came up with observations that never occurred to me, yet they didn’t duplicate any of the lines planned for my monologue. The lesson is that the supply of humorous observations is almost limitless…you only have to be looking for them.
THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)
1. Scott suggested that Dana was looking for someone to dance with.
2. Dana gave a humorous speech about kissing.
3. The emcee for the evening introduced “Nancy Grace” as a theme for the meeting. He referred to her Wardrobe Malfunction on Dancing With The Stars.
4. The word of the evening was STRIDENT.
5. A guest said that he came to Toastmasters to work on his social skills.
6. A guest said he came to Toastmasters because his boss encouraged him to come.
7. In his kissing speech, Dana said that when you kiss a woman you want to make the hair on the back of her neck stand up.
8. A speaker talked about getting rid of bees. He said that after the bees are gone, the honey which remains in the walls of a house can cause over $10,000 damage.
9. Talking about ladder safety, a speaker described ladder mittens which are used to prevent damage to the walls.
10. A speaker talked about restaurant inspections and mentioned a restaurant named Heart Attack Grill.
11. A speaker said that health inspectors have found restaurant kitchens with live roaches and mice.
I went dancing Saturday night. I had a great time Dana…and Scott.
(A call back, dropping myself into someone else’s story. Used SCOTT as a topper.)
Dana…we enjoyed your speech. 50% of the women were hoping for free samples. And 25% of the men.
(A humorous suggestion of free samples, followed by a topper, 25% of the men.)
To the average man, a kiss from Dana would be as welcome as a wardrobe malfunction from Nancy Grace.
(A joke driven by a comparison.)
If you want to improve your social skills…chew Strident gum.
(Using the word of the day for a sound-alike chewing gum joke.)
Like our guest, I also came to Toastmasters because of my boss. That was 39 years ago. If this is your first meeting, in forty years THIS is what you have to look forward to.
When you’re over 60 you learn that when you kiss a woman, you want to make the hairs stand up in her nose and ears.
(Using a standard joke of “old age comes with hair in your nose and ears.”)
And you learn that when you divorce…your honey can cause over $10,000 damage.
(Connecting divorce with bee eradication by using the double meaning of HONEY.)
After tonight’s program, I’ll be leading a Multi-Level-Marketing program on selling Ladder Mittens at inflated prices to friends and family.
(I used this line because I thought that Ladder Mittens was a funny sounding word.)
Then we’ll be having dinner at the Heart Attack Grill, which is located in the Palm Mortuary. When you arrive there the Host will ask you, “Plot or Crypt?”
(I used this joke because other restaurants mentioned in a speech were identified by location, but Heart Attack Grill was not.)
Tonight we learned that when eating in a restaurant, and you find live roaches and mice in your food, you should notify the Health Department. If you find DEAD roaches and mice in your food…you should use chopsticks.
(I thought that it was interesting that the speaker on health inspections only identified inspection problems with LIVE roaches and mice. I decided to ask “what if” DEAD roaches and mice were found, and twist it with the use of chopsticks to solve the problem.)