Joke Contest — Being Single

It’s time for the results of our February Joke Contest — Being Single. 

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is March 1, 2012.

Here are this month’s top lines:

** FIRST PLACE **

Being single is like garbage.  You start out with value, you get used, you get tossed, and you end up in the dumps.

     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California

** SECOND PLACE **

Being single is like puffing on a cigar.  You might enjoy it, but it’s tough to convince others around you that you really mean it.

     Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California

** THIRD PLACE **

Being single is like carrying a very long 2×4.  If no one is on the other end it’s just a drag.

     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Being single is like Nevada.  A little stretch of wild ecstasy surrounded by miles and miles of desert.
  – Being single is like a fire. You get hot, then someone sprays water all over you.
  – Being single is like being Jewish. It’s much cheaper at Christmas time.
  – Being single is like the best way to win Wimbledon. Otherwise you have to share the trophy with your partner and you get fewer strawberries.
  – Being single is like Hot Chocolate. You can have it whenever you want, its warm and cozy and there is not a hint of bitterness involved
  – Being single is like a computer.  Someone may give you a virus.
  – Being single is like being married, nobody listens to you.
  – Being single is like fish out of water, after a few days it really starts to stink.
  – Being single is like watching reruns of Jersey Shore. It gets old after awhile.
  – Being single is like having basic cable.  You miss all the good stuff.
  – Being single is like have a bad run at the casino slot machines.  You don’t get lucky as often.
  – Being single is like riding a teeter-totter by yourself.  You never get off the ground.
  – Being single is like flunking a test.  You have to do it over and over again until you get it right.
  – Being single is like being Sir Edmund Hillary.  You’re always looking for the next conquest.
  – Being single is like performing before a hostile audience at the comedy club.  There’s no one to laugh at your corny jokes.
  – Being single is like being a little kid again.  All of a sudden your bed is too big.
  – Being single is like drinking half a glass of warm water.  It’s less filling and tastes lousy.
  – Being single is like Las Vegas.  The longer you stay there, the lower your chances of winning big.
  – Being single is like playing Canasta.  You spend a lot of time waiting for something to happen, even though you have your hands full most always.
  – Being single is like riding a unicycle.  If you have no sense of balance, you won’t get very far.
  – Being single is like being a puppy.  Lots of fun, but easy to get into big trouble.
  – Being single is like when you realize the wink you thought was for you was for the person behind you.
  – Being single is like when the only spooning you ever did was licking your Mom’s after the Betty Crocker mix was ready to go in the oven.
  – Being single is like the lone unmatched sock dangling out the drawer
  – Being single is like the disappointed looks on your friends’ faces at the block party when they run out of someone else to pick for the kickball team.
  – Being single is when they don’t turn out the spotlight when you’re finally seated alone at your table, and no one goes back to talking.
  – Being single is like football.  Expert scouting, planning and preparation will help you score.
  – Being single is like writing jokes.  Most of what you see before you will not work, but when a good one appears, you’re walking on air.
  – Being single is like email.  You have to delete many to find the few that are worthwhile.
  – Being single is like fishing.  You remember the one that got away more than the one you catch.
  – Being single is like buying a new suit.  You don’t really know how well it fits until you bring it home.
  – Being single is like job-hunting in a down economy.  You must learn to handle frequent rejections before you succeed.
  – Being single is like hiking the Inca trail.  There are hours of pain and moments of beauty.
  – Being single is like waiting for a bus.  If you miss one, another will come along soon.
  – Being single is like being a cat.  Do what you want, when you want, where you want and the heck with your complaining owner.
  – Being single is like being a fanatical fisherman.  Maybe that’s why my wife left me.
  – Being single is like a car.  It goes better with just one driver
  – Being single is like a bottle of wine.  It matures nicely with time, but goes sour if left too long
  – Being single is like a shoe.  With time it gets more comfortable.
  – Being single is like being an unlit match.  You’re waiting for a flame.