Joke Contest Results — Reality TV

Here are the results of our April contest–Reality TV Shows We Don’t Want to See.  The winners were selected by our panel of seven judges (speakers and improv players).

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is May 1, 2012.
 
Here are this month’s top lines:

** FIRST PLACE **

Cat Whisperer:  Contenders try convincing felines to do anything at all on command.
     Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California

** SECOND PLACE **

Are You Smarter than a Road Grader?  Man vs machine.
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

** THIRD PLACE **

The Applicant:  Watch people fill out application forms.
     David Novick, Dayton, Ohio

HONORABLE MENTION (In random order)

  – A-Maize-In Race:  Farmers are timed making their way thru a cornfield.
  – CROPS:  Whatcha gonna chew–whatcha gonna chew when they come for you.
  – Fair Factor:  4H Team Swine goes head-to-head against Team Dairy Cattle.
  – Real House-husbands of Omaha:  The unvarnished stories of the mister- Moms of the Midwest.
  – Judge Booty:  Legal dominatrix punishes and rewards plaintiffs and defendants with serious spanks.
  – Beverly Hills approximately 90210:  Starlets try to guess their own zip code.
  – America’s Next Top Depilatory:  Watch contestants get rid of unwanted facial hair.
  – The Real World of Keeping up with the Kardashians in Big Brother’s Queer Eye for the Straight Bachelor’s Simple Life.
  – America’s Next Top Model Prisoner : Trya Bankjob hosts while 14 hopefuls vie for the title.
  – Spell’s Kitchen: A favorite at Hogwarts.
  – Vegas, With No Money:  Contestants spend a week in Vegas, with no money.
  – The Biggest Hoosier:  Weight loss competition in Indiana.
  – Dance Fiver:  America’s best dancers compete for $5.00.
  – Fear Factory:  Who can survive the assembly line for 8 hours plus 2 hours of overtime?
  – Last Comic Writing:  Who will take first place in the Humor Power contest?
  – Feel or No Feel:  A firewalking competition.
  – Satisfactory Makeover:  Watch as dowdy women are transformed into less dowdy women.
  – Family Plotz:  America’s funniest funerals on tape.
  – Jon and Katy plus Eighty: The daily life of what may be the most prolific couple in the world and their four-score kids.
  – Myth Boosters:  Two scientists visit ancient sites trying to prove the existence of various Greek and Roman gods, thus angering the Persian and African gods.
  – American Pickles:  Two gherkin experts scour the Midwestern U.S. for the best pickle.
  – Iditarod Truckers:  Reality show featuring big rigs traveling through the wilds of Alaska, being pulled by hundreds of huskies.
  – Hell’s Bathroom:  Really angry janitor lords it over contestants trying to get the cleanest porcelain appliances.
  – Wide World of Shorts:  Visits to different beach resorts run by Over Eaters Anonymous.
  – The Hunger Games:  Young female contestants try to reach size 0.
  – The Sloth Whisperer:  Tune in next month for another exciting episode.
  – Extreme Makeover–Kardashian Edition:  Hey, this one is already cancelled.
  – Catch It And You Keep It:  Major appliances are tossed from the roof of a 10-story building to contestants below.
  – The Unger Games:  Contestants try to act as obnoxious as neat freak Felix Unger.
  – Dancing With The Scars:  Accident-prone dancers try again.
  – CROPS:  Following the exciting lives of  Wheat farmers in Kansas.  Featuring the hit single Farm Boys (Farm Boys, Farm Boys.  Whatcha gonna do.  Whatcha gonna do when the Combine’s down).
  – The Amazing Race To Witch Mountain:  The losing teams get abducted by aliens.
  – Amazing Face:  Six two-person teams, each with one ugly person and one cosmetic surgeon, race to make the most beautiful improvement.  Prizes for fastest cut-up, and most weight lost.
  – Answer Men:  Who can provide the most accurate answer to “will that tree fall on me?”
  – America’s Got Talon:  Search for the best impersonator of birds of prey.
  – The Trulywed Game:  Couples married for 20 years or more compete for prizes like all expense paid trips, cars and divorces.
  – Keeping Up With the Cardigans:  Daily adventures of young, sweater-wearing ladies who are famous for being famous.
  – The People’s Skirt:  Judge Wapner decides whose skirt is too short.
  – The App Apprentice:  Amateurs compete to devise the best new smart phone tools.
  – Ready For Viewing:  Morticians compete to see who can create the most lifelike viewing.