Archive for November, 2012

Joke Contest Results — What Frustrates You?

Friday, November 23rd, 2012

It’s time for the results of our November Joke Contest — What Frustrates You?

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month.

Our Cartoon Caption Contests are on hold while our cartoonist, Dan Rosandich, upgrades his web site.

Here are this month’s top lines for What Frustrates You? — In Three Words or Less:

** FIRST PLACE **

Lane-Changing Lunatics
     Scott Tredwell, Advance, North Carolina, USA

** SECOND PLACE ** (tie)

Forgetting Your Name
     Kaye Newton, Raymond Terrace, NSW, Australia

Forgetting Friends’ Names
     Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California, USA

** THIRD PLACE ** (tie)
 
Obnoxious, Loud People
     Terry Wall, Washington Township, New Jersey, USA

Democrats and Republicans
     David Novick, Dayton, Ohio, USA

FREQUENTLY SUBMITTED AWARD

Three Word Contests

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Slow Left Driving
  – Cheap Toilet Paper
  – My Darling Wife
  – Unscratchable Itchy Bits
  – Cold Showers
  – Happy, Underachieving People
  – Drivers Like Grandma
  – Discounted Inflated Merchandise
  – Out Of Coffee
  – No Toilet Paper
  – Political Television Ads
  – Slow Restaurant Service
  – Slow Motorized Shoppers
  – Winning Inept Politicians
  – Bloviators With Microphones
  – Compulsive Texting Pedestrians
  – Distracted Multi-Tasking Drivers
  – Assembly Required Instructions
  – Unmatched Socks
  – Tiny Texting Buttons
  – My Slow Lap-Top
  – Spam
  – Overworked And Underpaid
  – Dull Pencils
  – Really Lousy Movies
   – Rock In Shoe
  – Typo In Newspaper
  – Politically Correct Jargon
  – Forgetting Common Words
  – Empty Gas Tank
  – Sand In Spinach
  – My Unsung Genius
  – Losing Joke Contests
  – Losing Lotto Tickets
  – Standing In Line
  – Being Misunderstood
  – Waiting For Godot
  – Child Safety Caps
  – Long Gas Lines
  – High Gas Prices
  – Pushy Tailgaters
  – Tight Underwear
  – Airline Baggage Fees
  – Itchy Clothes
  – Constantly Unhappy People
  – Perfectionism
  – Constantly Messy House
  – Arguing Children
  – Unending Laundry
  – Infinite Dirty Dishes
  – Slanderous Political Ads
  – Telemarketers
  – Computers Crashing
  – No Internet
  – Crumbs In Bed
  – Stationary Queues
  – Hitting Wrong Nail
  – Traffic Lights Blinking
  – Flights Delayed Overnight
  – Pompous Person Pontificating
  – Mishearing Third Repetition
  – Drives Like Daytona
  – Irritable Bowel Syndrome
  – Wasteful campaign spending
  – Bumper To Bumper
  – The Fiscal Cliff
  – That’s My Spot!
  – Anyone Saying No
  – Electronic Medical Records
  – Not My Job
  – Losing Joke Contests
  – Exercise Takes Sweat
  – Love Takes Patience
  – Bad Schwarzenegger Impressions
  – I’ll Be Back
  – My Souffle Falls
  – My Joke Loses
  – My Fellow Inmates
  – People Won’t Listen
  – People Won’t Talk
  – Computer Freezing Up
  – Things Breaking Inconveniently
  – Bad Relationships
  – Lack Of Tact
  – Car Making Noises
  – Body Slowing Down
  – Being Really Tired
  – Stupid Driver Ahead
  – Highly Advanced Phone
  – Too Much War
  – Negative Attack Ads
  – Really Stupid People
  – Really stupid me
  – Inexperienced Authoritarian Bosses

Observational Humor — Case Study #90

Wednesday, November 7th, 2012

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.  First, I’ll give you the set-up.  The “you-had-to-be-there” factor requires that you know what happened during the meeting, in order to understand the humor.  After each observational joke, I’ll make a brief comment about what makes the joke work.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  Anita was called on to present an impromptu speech topic.  She opened with, “I was hoping I was invisible.”  She was implying that she didn’t want to be selected to speak.

2.  The theme of the day was TICS.  The emcee presented trivia on the subject of TICS throughout the meeting.

3.  Gordon opened his speech in Chinese.

4.  Barbel gave a humorous speech about getting her driver’s license.  She said that her father had been a truck driver.

5.  The word of the day was FLINCH.

6.  It was a warm day and many people were lightly dressed.

7.  A speaker talking about how to write a book, suggested that people put off the difficult task of writing by organizing their sock drawer and their spice cabinet.

8.  A speaker said he was the only Jewish person who had been the President of a Presbyterian association.  He received a big laugh.

THE MONOLOGUE

(Before I started speaking, I carefully positioned myself in a strategic spot.)
I need to move over here…because Anita is not invisible.
(I was pretending to be concerned with Anita blocking someone’s view.  A big laugh.)

I was impressed.  Daniel gave a Tic Talk without being a bomb.
(Playing with sound-alikes [tick tock] and double meanings [bomb]).

Gordon stole my thunder.  I was going to do my first joke in Chinese.
(Absurdity.)

Barbel, thanks for a funny speech.  You told us her father was a truck driver.  Obviously, a Good Humor truck.
(An implied compliment.)

I was bird watching this afternoon.  I saw a flinch.
(Playing with sound-alikes FLINCH and FINCH.  The humor comes from playing the role of being ignorant.  I wasn’t sure it would play very well, but it got a solid response.)

Today was a beautiful fall day.  You’ve noticed that more than half the people tonight are wearing shorts.  And two people are not wearing shoes.  The hotter it gets the more we dress down.  If this is your first visit, you really must come back in August.  Those meetings are a lot of fun.
(The principle is extrapolation.  If we remove an item of clothing for every degree the temperature goes up, eventually….)

I’m writing a book.  My sock drawer and spice cabinet are very organized.
(Self-deprecation.  The implication is that I am a procrastinator.)

I want you to know that I’m the only North Dakota Lutheran who has been the president of a Jewish Synagogue. 
(Huge laugh.  Not true, or course.  Just using a bit of comic license.  A great closer.)

Humor Event in Las Vegas

Monday, November 5th, 2012

I’d recommend a humor program presented by Pat Hazell at the NSA Las Vegas chapter meeting on Saturday morning, November 10, from 9am until noon.  Part of his content will cover Observational Humor!  Take advantage of an out-of-town professional speaker sharing his expertise.  And it’s not expensive.  For details and to sign up, go to http://nsalasvegas.com/events.  I’ll be there.

New Joke Contest — What Makes You Frustrated?

Sunday, November 4th, 2012

The theme for the November Joke Contest is:  What Makes You Frustrated? 

The trick is to tell us in three words or less.

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month.

Your challenge this month is to focus on what makes you frustrated…in three words or less.

Your entry could be:
   True
   Philosophical
   Sarcastic
   Funny
   Or something else

Here are some examples:

What makes me frustrated?

Political phone calls.
Small print instructions.
Hotel resort fees.

Share your three-word insights.  Write as many lines as you can.  Then select your best lines and submit them.  If you submit more than three, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three will be evaluated by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.

Select and submit your best entries, and your city/state/country, by November 15, 2012, to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com