Humor Contest Results — Haiku

Our contest theme for January was suggested by Kaye Newton, Raymond Terrace, Australia.  Haiku is a short-form Japanese poem.  It has more complexity and nuance than we’ll share here. For the purposes of our contest, we’re going to define it as a three line (three phrase) poem of a set number of syllables (beats) per line.
   Line one:  Five syllables.
   Line two:  Seven syllables.
   Line three:  Five syllables.

Here are the top poems as selected by our panel of judges.


Sweet Dreams
Love those pancakes dear
Diet aside let’s drench them

     Scott Tredwell, Advance, North Carolina


The Author
Joke writing is fun
Challenges the intellect
Like I have got one

     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois


What, Me Worry?
Practicing guitar
Can frustrate me to no end
But never frets me

     Terry Wall, Washington Township, New Jersey

One Flew Over the Haiku’s Nest
Haiku theme is tough
Because humor’s hard enough
Without poetry

Language Barrier
A Japanese poem
Is hard to understanza
The Italian said

Thousandth wise crack, and
Henny Youngman’s wife then said
Take my husband, please

Back to Basics
Great humor, so rare
Who knows when it’s best to quit
With no rule of three
Thoughts On The Beach At Sunrise
By the waves, you think
“All is vanity.”  And yet
life needs a porpoise

This — a joke from me
Don’t know if it is funny
John will let me know

New Years as it dawns
My poor head feels like it fell
Off a fiscal cliff

Stupid Things
Routines I performed
about the stupid things done
Has caused much laughing

Spring breeze Summer heat
Now, winter chills on my feet
Let alone cold sheets

Feeding Time at The Zoo
When came the bamboo
What ensued at the zoo was

Famous For Being Famous
Zsa Zsa said that the
Single man is incomplete
Once married, finished

My six-year-old nephew’s life-style
No exercise
no sleep, no rest, and no meals

Too Old
Why does the chicken
To get to the other side
You think that’s funny?

Get In
Toastmaster contest
Only some take top prizes
But all win this game

Sun ripens apples
like limericks blush the girls
I’m getting warm now

Double Talk
Can you help me please
I really want your advice
Mind your own business

Dungeons and Dragons
How long, long ago it seems
Now I live on Wii

Real Progress
My computer died
But it gave me a day off
So I went fishing

Lost in Space
The world is so wide
But with no cell phone in hand
I’m in no man’s land

Like Newton
A lonely leaf falls
It lands on e. e. cummings
Now it’s immortal

Haiku Bum
What do I prefer
To spend days writing haikus
Rather than working

Everyone Needs
All you need is love
All I need is the Beatles
All they need is cash

I got my CC
Then CL, AC, AL
Now for DTM

A cheater at cards
Though most be fooled
Is often dealt with
 Air It Out
Many may fear flying
But psychologists can help
In that area
We Deliver For Few
Take a little break
from tweets, Facebook and e-mail
try a stamp instead
What do you get
Oh, what do you get
When hungry pigs and crows meet
Stuffed pigs eating crow

If the Ravens win
we will all be real happy
If not, we will cry

Mr Clean
My house is dusty
with dirty dishes and clothes
Where is Mr Clean

Chicken on a Highway
Why did the chicken
Take the highway across town
Local roads were closed

Good advice
Go Forward young man
Any direction you choose
But don’t look under

Enduring wisdom
An apple a day
Does keep the doctor away
Don’t you like doctors

Snap went the mousetrap
Poor thing just couldn’t resist
Death by chocolate

Japan poetry
To learn this fine artistry
I went to Haik U

A cold wintry day
My feet really freezing cold
My boots have a hole

My dog
My dog is spotted
She is a crazy wild pooch
People think I’m nuts

I’m not good at rhymes
They usually sound bad
But if people laugh

I’d Rather Work With a Lizard
Work processes at
Progressive not going well
Problem with work-Flo

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month.   The next Joke Contest is February 1, 2013.