Joke Contest Results — It’s In The Name

February’s joke contest “It’s in the name.”  Readers are giving advice to famous people on what NOT to name their children. 

This month’s contest theme was submitted by Luther Beauchamp, Chiefland, Florida.

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month.

The next contest will be announced March 1, 2013.

Here are the top lines, from February’s contest, selected by our panel of seven judges (speakers and improv players).

** FIRST PLACE **

Lucille Ball should not name her daughter Crystal.
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

** SECOND PLACE **

Apollo Ohno should not name his son Yasser.
     Scott Tredwell, Advance, North Carolina

** THIRD PLACE **

Tori Spelling should not name her son Wong.
     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Tom Cruise should not name his son River.
  – Johnny Carson should not name his son Park.
  – Megan Fox should not name her daughter Keela.
  – John Mayer should not name his son Oscar.
  – Danny Kaye should not name his son Beau.

  – Usain Bolt should not name his son Titan.
  – Hedda Hopper should not name her daughter Bunny.
  – Carrie Fisher should not name her daughter Pearl.
  – Helen Hayes should not name her daughter Smoky.
  – Melissa McCarthy should not name her son Charles.

  – Red Skelton should not name his child Whitey.
  – Nia Peeples should not name her son Manny.
  – Eve Plumb should not name her daughter Sugar.
  – Kate Moss should not name her son Peter.
  – Country singer Eddie Rabbit  should not name a daughter Bonnie.

  – President Bush was smart to not name one of his daughters Rose.
  – Johnny  Cash was smart not to have a son named Owen.
  – Patsy Cline should not name her child Dee.
  – Eddie Money should not name his son Owen.
  – Hillary Duff should not name her daughter Rotunda.

  – Bruno Mars should not name his daughter Venus.
  – Jim Carrey should not name his son Harold.
  – Jeremy Irons should not name his son Brandon.
  – Tom Cruise should not name his son Otto.
  – Pontius Pilate would never have named his son Otto.

  – George Bush wouldn’t want to name his daughter Rose.
  – Alexander Graham Bell wouldn’t want to name his son Tinker.
  – Graeme Fox wouldn’t want to name his son Wily.
  – Adele Ringer wouldn’t want to name her daughter Belle.
  – Donald Trump should not name his daughter D. Clare.

  – Grant Wood should not name his daughter Cherry.
  – Warren Sapp should not name his daughter Ima.
  – George McAfee should not name his son Norton.
  – Grover Alexander should not name his daughter Brandy.
  – Jason Day should not name his daughter Holly.

  – Bill Gates should not name his daughter Pearl E.
  – Henry Clay should not name his son Gray.
  – Jeremy Irons should not name his son Brandon.
  – Michelle Wie should not name her son Pee Wee.
  – Neil Diamond should not name his daughter Jewel Ruby.

  – Whoopi Goldberg’s mother should not name her daughter Whoopi.
  – Ross Perot should not name his daughter Merlot.
  – Phil Donahue should not name his daughter Donna Sue.
  – Julia Child should not name her daughter Honey.
  – William Holden should not name his daughter Bea.

  – Alexander Graham Bell should not name his son Ringo.
  – Jenni Craig should not name her daughter Seattle S.
  – Peter Gabriel should not name his daughter Angel.
  – Wolfgang Puck should not name his son Rocky.
  – Hugh Downs should not name his son Mark.

  – Soupy Sales should not name his son Clarence.
  – Peter Boyle should not name his son Lance.
  – Ethan Hawke should not name his son Tommy.
  – Man Ray should not name his son Sting.
  – Elaine May should not name her daughter April.

  – Matthew Weiner should not name his son Oscar Meyer.
  – Bill Gates should name his daughter Purlie.
  – Moises Alou shouldn’t name his son after Boog Powell.
  – Francis Scott Key should name his son Hank.
  – Don Knotts shouldn’t have named his son Ty.

  – Brad Pitt should not name his daughter Olive.
  – Brad Pitt should not name his son Paul.
  – Brad Pitt should not name his son Harold.
  – Brad Pitt should not name his daughter Cherrie.
  – Brad Pitt should not name his daughter Peaches.

  – Curt Shilling shouldn’t name his daughter Penny.
  – Helen Hunt should not name her son Archer. 
  – Snoop Doggy Dogg should not name his daughter Isabella Emma, which could be abbreviated I. Emma.
  – Bob Hope should not name his son Maurice, because he would be Mo Hope.