Joke Contest Results — Limericks

The result of our March Limerick Contest is out.  Our top limericks were selected by our panel of five judges (speakers and improv players).   The theme of the Limericks was broad…current events.  Our subscribers obviously had sequester on the mind.  The top three entries were all about the mess in Washington DC.

Thanks to Sol Morrison of Santa Barbara for suggesting the theme of this month’s contest.

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month.  The next Joke Contest is April 1, 2013.

Here are this month’s top entries.  All three entries were submitted by first timers to the winner’s circle. 

** FIRST PLACE **

It’s now come to a head, the sequester
Which both parties permitted to fester
Since instead of reformers
We are stuck with performers
First Clown Boehner and Barack the Jester.

     Patrick McKeon, Pennington, New Jersey

** SECOND PLACE **

Sequester has befallen our nation
No solutions but so much oration
The left says “must tax”
The right says “wrong facts”
So both up and went on vacation.
 
     Steve Ferguson, Treasure Island, Florida

** THIRD PLACE **

There once was a dreaded sequester
That our congress allowed to fester
While they blamed and screamed
Now they are esteemed
Just a notch above child molester.

     John Gately, Cambridge, Massachusetts

HONORABLE MENTION (In random order)

Politicians can act like a dork
I just want to go pop my cork
But I’m really not sly
I’ll still vote for the guy
Who brings me my share of the pork.
 
The robbers made a quick getaway
Leaving bank tellers in great disarray
The police gave chase
And made their case
Now prison is their place to stay.

The Blackhawks are winning this year
Everyone in Chi-town can cheer
And what’s the reason
For such a season
They’re drinking a new brand of beer.

Obama has picked a new chief
We hope that her stay won’t be brief
A Wal-Mart exec
I say what the heck
Aisle seven for tax relief.

There once was a girl from McCook
Who wouldn’t give Twilight a look
I find the story
A bit too gory
I think I’ll just wait for the book.

The Big Apple has banned the big soda
One pint is the maximum quota
Bloomberg passed this much faster
Than a top Jedi Master
May the fizz still be with you, dear Yoda.

Global Warming An uncomfortable truth
Maybe so; to deny is uncouth
But let’s keep it civil
As we watch the world swivel
Through a glassful of gin and vermouth.

We’re now in an age of sequester
And it may linger for a semester
But Congressional cries
And the Senate’s sad sighs
Match the wails of a cat named Sylvester.

The late leader Chavez has let go
Of his Venezuela, and Citgo
Most are glad he departed,
We’re not brokenhearted
Been waiting for this from the git go.

What a tussle twixt Lincoln and Argo
I think neither compared well to Fargo
Though those Oscars are darling,
The show had me snarling
It’s time we declared an embargo.

Unkind cuts flow from sequestration,
Thank the gridlocked polls of our nation.
As they played blame games,
Need bigger window frames
To facilitate defenestration.

Should you get sick, be injured, find a growth
Visit the physician, ER or both
You’ll find chargemaster prices
Will create a new crisis
Yikes, Hippocrates would use a new oath.

To save cash, White House tours are curtailed
But the House tours have NOT been derailed
So you still can have fun
Seeing nothing get done
On the Hill, watching nonsense unveiled.

Say goodbye to the Dick Morris snarl
Dick (like Palin) can no longer gnarl
All his poisonous spews
Perched at Fox Cable News
But alas, Fox is still keeping Karl.

Sequester’s the word of the day
About which the press gives much sway
It will soon go away
Just like Y2K
And we’re back watching celebs at play.

At first ’twas considered a joke
Pope retires before he will croak
Some Cardinals will plan
To be the next man
But their dreams will just go up in smoke.

The budget of Mr. Obama
Could lead the nation to trauma
When he raised the tax
Boehner sharpened his ax
New revenue streams were a goner.

There was a man called Obama
Whose budgets create such drama
Give the man credit
Let us not forget it
He did get rid of Osama.

There could have been life on Mars
Wonder if they had any cars
Places to dine
Places for wine
Wonder if they had Mars Bars.

We have lots of oil fracking
Of profits it sounds like it’s smacking
Chew up the grounds
for bucks and pounds
I think their brains are a cracking.

There really is global warming
Ice caps are moving and swarming
Sea levels rise
We’re not so wise
Greenhouse gasses are just so charming.

Cruise ships are all the rage
Carnival is a gilded cage
Enjoy the poop deck
You’ll just feel like heck
You’ll not sail if you are sage.

Baseball is on the way
Jack Brickhouse said hey hey
A homer, an out
It just makes me shout
What a great way to spend a day.

Cardinals will be locked tight inside
Where there’s really no place to hide
Choice announced by smoke
We’ll know it’s no joke
Screw up and we’ll know whom to chide.

A chicken who used to meander
Crossed the road one day in a dander
He clucked he had balked
Because he was stalked
By a bearded old gent named Sanders.