Joke Contest — Career Change

It’s time for the results of our May Joke Contest.  The theme is “Changing Careers” from the improv game “Once was…now is.”

The game is that someone is a speech coach.  They used to be in another career field, and that previous work exprience affects their work as a speech coach.

The top lines were selected by our panel of five judges (speakers and improv players).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month.  The next contest will be announced on June 1.

** FIRST PLACE **

Once was a doctor, now is a speech coach: “Open wide and don’t say ahh.”

     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California

** SECOND PLACE **

“Once was an auto mechanic, now is speech coach: “I can fix it so ya talk all better, but it’s gonna cost ya”

     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

** THIRD PLACE **

Once was a politician, now is a speech coach: “I knew Ralph Smedley.   Ralph Smedley was a friend of mine.  Sir, you’re no Ralph Smedley.”

     Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

Once was a stripper, now is a speech coach: “Imagine everyone in the audience naked.”

Once was a police officer, now speech coach: “I clocked you at 80 words per minute…slow down!”

Once was a librarian, now is a speech coach: “SHHHH.  Not so loud.”
 
Once was a wedding consultant, now is a speech coach: “Try saying I DO with real feeling.”

Once was a third grade teacher, now is a speech coach: “Don’t speak until you are spoken to.”

Once was a nurse, now is a speech coach: “Put this in your mouth and speak for thirty seconds.”

Once was a fashion model, now is a speech coach: “Now let’s try walking and talking at the same time.”
 
Once was a head cheerleader, now is a speech coach: “Give me a subject!  Give me a verb!….”

Once was a hypnotist, now is a speech coach: “You are getting speechy…very speechy”

Once was a mime, now is a speech coach:  ”                   !”

Once was a janitor, now is a speech coach: “Today we’ll mop up superfluous words and wring out an exceptional speech.”
 
Once was a movie director, now is a speech coach: “Let’s stick to the script.”

Once was an umpire, now is a speech coach: “Three stutters…you’re out!

Once was a golf pro, now is a speech coach: “Your approach needs work.”

Once was an exterminator, now is a speech coach: “That term might not fly in an audience of WASPs.”

Once was a librarian, now is a speech coach:  “I think your speech needs better bookends.”

Once was a banker, now is a speech coach: “Put your principal points up front to generate more interest.”

Once was a undertaker, now is a speech coach: “You need to dig into your research further.”

Once was a boxer, now is a speech coach: “Love those punch lines.”

Once was a carpenter, now is a speech coach: “I saw your script; just nail down your points and use plane English.”

Once was a traffic cop, now is a speech coach: “That red light means STOP!”

Once was an elevator operator, now is a speech coach: “Try adding more highs and lows in your vocal variety.”

Once was a dentist, now is a speech coach: “To avoid cavities in your logic, brush up on your facts.”

Once was a jailer, now is a speech coach: “Your audience won’t pardon such grammatical crimes.”

Once was a realtor, now is a speech coach: “Your job speech has a lot to offer; think ‘vocation, vocation, vocation.'”

Once was a ventriloquist, now is a speech coach: “Don’t just throw your voice, project it.”