Joke Contest Results — Name That Drink

It’s time for the results of our December Joke Contest: Name That Drink.  Here are the top lines for for the contest.

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of each month.

The next contest will open on January 1, 2014.  Set a resolution to improve your humor by entering the contest every month.


The Charlton Heston: Served with the Ten Condiments.
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois


The Nixon Bottled Water: He wanted to make one thing perfectly clear.
     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California


The General George S. Patton: Served in a tank.
     Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California

 HONORABLE MENTION (In random order)

  – The Dr. OZ:  Makes you feel like a wizard, over the rainbow, down the yellow brick road.
  – The Kanye West:  After a few you won’t know West from East or South.
  – The Judy Graceland: You can order it in Nashville.  Not sold in Kansas anymore.
  – The Jerry Seinfeld: The drink that’s made with nothing.
  – The Michelle Obama: A kiddie cocktail with vitamins and minerals.

  – The Tom Cruise: Made with Top Gin, one sip and you’re flying at Mach 2.
  – The Stephen Spielberg: Avoid close encounters with the third drink.
  – The Rodney Dangerfield:  I tell ya, one drink and I fall asleep.
  – The Jimmy Durante: It’s served in an extra large snifter.
  – The Cary Grant: What else? It’s Julep, Julep, Julep!

  – The Marty Feldman: It’ll uncross your eyes.
  – The Tom Bodett: It’ll turn your lights on.
  – The Julia Child: One part merlot, one part creme fraiche.
  – The Humphrey Bogart: Drink it again, Sam!
  – The Charlie Brown: Always served with peanuts.

  – Sidney Poitier: Vodka and Mister Pibbs.
  – The Steve Jobs: Apple jack with a spritz of inkjet toner.
  – The George Lucas: This drink will make you feel like either Yoda or Jabba, depending on whether the force is with you.
  – The P. T. Barnum: It’s a Jumbo drink with a Sucker stuck in it.
  – The Robin Williams: The only drink served in an old oil lamp.

  – The Carl Sagan: Billions and billions of bubbles.
  – The Johnny Depp: A Sweeney Toddy with a Diary of Rum and stirred with Scissorhands.
  – The Mel Brooks: Makes you look and feel like a 2,000 year old man.
  – The Muhammed Ali: Knocks you out after 2 drinks.
  – The Vincent Van Gogh: One drink and you’ll want to paint the town!

  – The Mick Jagger: It’s on the rock and roll with a splash of botox.
  – The Tom Brady: Drink this when the bar is about to close. You can still score.
  – The Barack Obama: If you like your drink, you can keep your drink.
  – Captain Morgan Freeman: The drink mentioned in Driving Miss Daiquiri.
  – The Marlon Brandy: Served only On the Waterfront.

  – The Wolf Blitzer: One part Wolfschmitt vodka, poured in the right situation.
  – The Ginger Ale Rogers: For the designated driver.
  – Perrier Como: Served in the finest night clubs.
  – The Splash Gordon: A gin drink used to christen spaceships.
  – The Bud Abbott: A beer that tastes funny.

  – The Mel Blanc de Blanc: One glass and you will speak in many voices.
  – Splenda the Good Witch: Sweet but not sugary.
  – The Fifth Dementia: What you get from drinking too many.
  – The Clorox Leachman: Guaranteed to clean you out.