Archive for December, 2014

Joke Contest Results — Comedy Across the Globe

Thursday, December 25th, 2014

It’s time for the results of our December Joke Contest.  The theme is Comedy Across the Globe.  It’s not factual.  It’s just intended to be funny.

Our entries were evaluated by a panel of 12 judges (speakers and improv players).

Exercise your humor skills in next month’s contest which will be announced on January 1 , 2015.

Past contests.

Here are the top lines for this month.


British Comedy:  It’s considered impolite to laugh, but occasionally an
upper lip may quiver.

Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois


Tel Aviv Comedy: The humor Israeli funny.

Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois


Kentucky Comedy: The jokes get funnier with each shot of bourbon.

Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California

HONORABLE MENTION (In random order.)

Wisconsin Comedy: If you want to hear a gouda joke, they tell the
cheesiest ones.

Kansas Comedy: Rest-stop comedians tell jokes to keep drivers awake
until they reach the Colorado state line.

Russian comedy: Take my Comrade…Please!

Kitty Hawk comedy: The comedians always use props.

New Jersey comedy: I’m from Jersey, are you from Jersey?

Belgium Comedy: They call a politician who doesn’t vote a Belgian

Death Valley Comedy: The humor is funny but very dry.

California earthquake humor: It often results in a rumble of laughter.

Las Vegas Comedy: It’s Kinde of fun.

North/South of the Border Comedy: The funniest area of Canada is the
Yuck-on Territory while Mexico has the Yuck-atan Peninsula.

Italian Comedy: When something is funny, you laugh with your hands.

North Pole Comedy: Every joke gets a response of “Ho, Ho, Ho!”

Chicago Comedy: No need to wait for the punch line; laugh early and

Interplanetary Comedy: Comics are from Mars, comediennes are from

Canadian Comedy: Takes longer, because it has to be delivered in both
English and French.

Chinese Comedy: It’s funny, but you’ll be wanting more in an hour.

Swiss Comedy: Constructed and delivered so as not to offend anybody.

Observational Humor — Case Study #130

Thursday, December 18th, 2014

It’s time for another Observational Humor Monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We will look at the set-up for the joke. Then we will look at the joke and what makes it funny.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting
before the monologue was presented.)

1. A speaker said that giving free speeches is a good way to build your
speaking business. People will hear you and then will want to hire you.

2. A speaker said that if an agent wanted you to do a free speech, you
should do so if the agent or a member of their staff would be present at
the speech. Then the speech would serve as a showcase and encourage
the agent to book you in the future, because they would see how good
you were.

3. A market pricing strategy is to let the client “pay what they want.”

4. A speaker said that being a professional speaker isn’t about doing
the speech, it’s about getting the speech.

5. A speaker used the word PLETHORA.

6. A speaker said she had been married for 16 years…but not in a row.

7. A speaker said she can go long periods of time without drinking
water. She said she was like a camel.

8. A speaker said he was racing on a motorcycle behind a flying bat.
And some raising hit him in the face, “I hope they were raisins.”


I used to do free speeches but the Word of Mouth was killing me.
(Self-deprecation and an implied punchline that I would NOT get a
referral or repeat speech because someone had heard me…not true, but

I had an agent who asked if I could help her with a client who had a
small budget. I said I would do it for free…on the condition that she
didn’t attend.
(Self-deprecation. Not true, but funny.)

My humor style is called Laugh As You Want.
(A good twist of a callback.)

Humor is not doing a joke…it’s the audience getting the joke.
(Interesting twist of a callback. Not intended to be funny.)

I have a plethora of humor tips.   (I like making fun of clunky 25-cent words.)

I’ve been married one year…in a row.
(A funny pairing of phrases. Big laugh.)

I’d walk a mile for a camel.
(Call back of the word CAMEL. A good laugh.

Frank…Those weren’t raisins.
(Simple call back and an implied punch line.)

Observational Humor — Case Study #129

Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of  a meeting. In the text that follows, we will look at the set-up for the jokes.

The  monologue is provided with a short comment on what made each joke tick.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting,
before the monologue was delivered.)

1. My name on the agenda was misspelled Kindy instead of Kinde.

2. There is a freeway exit sign between Las Vegas and Los Angeles
named ZZYZX Road.

3. Bill gave a speech on what he learned from three marriages.

4. A speaker talked about right/left brain, saying he was lucky to be
using half his brain.

5. A speaker told us his first crush on a girl was when he was three
years old.

6. I have a long history with three Toastmasters in the audience; Bobby,
Jens, and Bill.

7. Jens told us of a club that met four Mondays a month, but he
mis-spoke and said four Mondays a week.

8. Our club meets at Pololu Robotics.

9. Bill shared family photos with us from his first and second marriage.
The first marriage photo was in Black and White. The second marriage
photo was in color.

10. Bobby told a story about giving advice to someone with pesonal
problems. He told him, “Get a job.”


You’ll notice on the agenda my name is misspelled. It’s actually
spelled Kindzzyzx.
(Like most customized humor, this would be funny to someone who had
frequently driven past the ZZYZX Road sign. To someone who had not,
the joke would not be funny. Also, note that the response is quite large
for a small audience of only nine people.)

Bill, I’d like to refer you to a book I’ve written. Everything I know
about Women. It’s a blank book. I don’t know everything about
(This comes from a blank-book title that I saw on the internet, topped
with the common knowledge that nobody knows everything about

In fact a lot of people think I know a lot about humor. The truth is I’m a half wit.
(Combined the half-brain comment with half wit. Self-deprecation.)

My first crush on a girl I was ten years old. Imagine that.
(The truth. Funny by comparison to three years old.)

I go way back with Jens. Some of my longest acquaintances are here tonight; Bobby, Jens, and Bill.
(A set up for jokes about three specific people.)

I knew Jens when we belonged to a club in Omaha. And we met four Mondays a week.
(Applied a mis-statement to a specific club.)

Bill, you realize we are meeting at Pololu Robotics. They can make you the perfect wife. Have you noticed Ryan just got married recently to Andrea. She’s a perfect wife. There is a reason for that.

The company used to be called Stepford Robotics.
(Adding a joke to the theme. An efficient way to build humor. The
set-up is already provided.)

We learned, thanks to Bill, that color film was invented between his first
and second marriage.
(A great connection between two photographs. I assumed that the
audience would remember that the first photo was B&W and the second photo was in color. A strong line.)

Years ago Bobby said, “I try to use humor but nobody laughs at me. It just isn’t working. What can you suggest?” I looked at him and said, “Get a job.”
(A good call back. Not a huge response, but got a laugh.)

New Joke Contest — Comedy Across the Globe

Monday, December 1st, 2014

The theme for December’s joke contest is Comedy Across the Globe.

Pick a country, a state, or a city and tell us what makes its comedy unique. It’s all for fun and isn’t meant to be a factual research study. Just put on your creative hat and make something up!

Here are five examples:

North Korean Comedy. For every joke told, the comic gets one year in a re-education camp.

Canadian Comedy. The set ups are in English. The punch lines are in French. Nobody gets the jokes but they laugh anyway because they are polite.

Japanese Comedy. The night clubs are packed because audiences have a Yen for comedy.

Russian Comedy. Putin wins Last Comic Standing. The biggest laugh comes when he takes his shirt off.

Las Vegas Comedy.  Take my money…please!  Hey, give me my money back.  I was just joking!

Your challenge is to write as many lines as you can. Then select your three best lines and submit them for our Top Three recognition. If you submit more than three lines, the extra submissions will be eligible for Honorable Mention recognition. Submit your entries to by December 14, 2014.