Archive for September, 2015

Joke Contest Results — Simple or Complex

Monday, September 28th, 2015

Here are the September Joke Contest results. The theme is to create book titles which feature very simple or very complex subjects.  New joke contests are announced on the first of the month.

Our next contest will be announced on October 1.

Here are the top lines for this month’s contest selected by our panel of six judges (speakers and improv players).


Ninety Days to a Better Three Months
Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois


How To Fix Your Roof Using The Tree That Fell On It
Cindy Tebo, St Louis, Missouri


Meatloaf Slicing To Wow Your Friends
Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

– Ventriloquism for Dummies
– Puppetry for Dummies
– Melon Balling Made Easy
– Why 2 1/2 Inch Toothpicks are Better Than 2 3/4 Inch Toothpicks
– Square or Round and How to Choose

– Memory Foam Mattresses and Impressions They Have Made
– Why, When and How to Trim Nose and Ear Hair
– How To Find the How To Books You Are Really Looking For
– 101 Delicious Recipes Using Office Supplies
– Find Your Perfect Mate in Sixty-three Easy Steps

– Who Knew There Are So Many Ways to Fold Napkins
– How to Never Again Be Caught Without Your Crayons
– Dill Pickles and Chewing Gum for Fun and Profit
– Las Vegas on 25 Cents Per Day
– Live Like a King on Your Own Charity Donations

– Smothering With An Air-Tight Alibi
– Separate Siamese Twins While Participating in a Presidential Debate
– Your Guide to Proper Shoelace Length
– How to Play Tic-Tac-Toe By Yourself
– The beginners guide to cutting paper in half

– No friends? Clone yourself
– How to can without canning using Tupperware
– Don’t be a baby; teaching kids to walk in three months
– How to peel off peel off stickers
– Eating for beginners

– Yes, you Can walk and talk at the same time
– Tupperware: the 12th wonder of the world
– Learn to hum along to pop songs when you don’t know the words
– Zipper in front: the pants primer
– Sorting socks the RIGHT way

– Jet engine repair for beginners
– The alphabet A to Z
– Twist off caps got you down? Learn the secret
– Nuclear reactors for kids
– How to get paid to laugh at comedy clubs

– Rebuild a Peterbilt tractor in your spare time for under $5000
– Keep Your Mouth Shut: The weight loss guide
– How to Write How to Books for Those Who Cannot Read
– How to Become Super Sensitive So All speech Offends You
– Training your cat to recite the Gettysburg Address

– Naming Your Doberman Pinschers Timex and Rolex so you can
Introduce them as Your Watchdogs
– Why Pluto has Been Abused by Scientists and Will it Come Back to
Bite Them
– An In Depth Analysis of the Evaluation Process of Awarding Humor
Power Joke Contest Winners (submitted for both simple and complex
caegories of jokes)
– How I Dramatically Improved My Life Watching Paint Dry and
Grass Grow
– Explaining the American Political System in 116 Steps–A Short Ten
Year Program

Teamwork In The Music Industry — Part Two

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015

Teamwork in the Music Industry–Part Two. Featuring Jorma Kaukonen, lead guitarist for the Jefferson Airplane, with Terry Wall.  In this interview, they talk about:

– Teamwork
– Micro Management
– Dreams and Creativity
– Dealing with Slackers.

Click here to read Part Two of this three-part series.

Observational Humor — Case Study #139

Sunday, September 13th, 2015

Here are jokes used at an NSA Las Vegas chapter meeting. We’ll look at the set up.  And then look at the jokes and examine why they were funny.

THE SETUP (What happened and what was said during the meeting, before the jokes were delivered.

1. A presenter told us about a speaker’s ineffective video demo which opened with the speaker high-fiving the audience.   She said she did not recommend it as an  opening.

2. An audience member, during self-introductions, said she was
performing in her own one-woman show.

3. The President said that this year’s board was the best board ever.
Member RJ was present and we served on the board together ten years ago.

4. A speaker said that clients hire speakers for the useable content not
just to be entertained.

5. To qualify as a paid speaker, it was suggested that instead of speaking for a free dinner, pay for your dinner and invoice the client $50 for the speech.

6. Guest presenter, Terry Paulson said that he was the only Clinical Psychologist speaker who was funny.

7. A speaker said that when he says something to an audience, and they laugh, it’s a joke.

8. A speaker said that he got married 5 days before the meeting. And he said his new wife wouldn’t give him permission to speak.


(Walking to the speakers platform, I high-fived several of the members of the audience.)
I’m recording a video demo.

(I thought just the act of high-fiving would be sufficient to get a laugh.  But I was wrong. The laugh came after the demo-video comment, which I added, but which was not on the script. I needed the line to make the joke work.)

I moved to Las Vegas 15 years ago and opened my one-woman show.
( a call back with an absurdity trigger.)

Ten years ago I was on the same chapter board as RJ DiDonato. We are one of the boards that made it possible for the current board to be the best ever.
(A recycled joke from about a year ago. Excellent response.)

I’m a humorist. I have no content.
(A call back. Self-deprecation.)

Next week I’m speaking in Pahrump. They told me that their audience loves humor and likes to laugh. I told them to tell the audience not to laugh and to just pay me $50.
(A call back, slightly twisted.)

I’m going to become clinical psychologist. Then I’ll be one of only two clinical psychologists who are funny.
(The trigger is extrapolation. One plus one takes us into the future as

The truth is, I don’t do humor. I just say things. If you laugh it’s
humor. If you don’t laugh, it’s motivation.
(A call back with a twist.)

I’ve lived in Las Vegas for 15 years. During that time, many people have said, “Kinde, your are so quiet, you rarely speak. I want you to know that, as of five days ago, you’re going to be hearing more from me.  Because Marvelous Mark married my Ex.
(This implies that my Ex was not allowing me to speak, and that it was
now Mark’s problem and not mine.)

New Contest — Complex or Insignificant

Tuesday, September 1st, 2015

The time for September’s joke contest has arrived.

Here is the Theme for this month’s joke contest:  How-To Book Titles — The Complex or The Insignificant. 

Your challenge is to create a book title for an imaginary How-To book on the subject of something big and complex or something small and insignificant.

Here are three complex subjects and three insignificant ones.

How to visit Mars and Safely Return On a Fixed Income.
Mastering The Do-It-Yourself Kidney Transplant.
A Seven Figure Bank Account Without Working or Saving.

Rain Watching For Fun and Profit.
They Laughed Until I Changed a Roll of Toilet Paper.
How To Remove a Soda Straw’s Protective Sleeve.

Start your humor engines. Write as many book titles as you can and
then submit the best ones to
Your first three submissions should be your best lines. The will be
reviewed by the panel of judges for the Top Three recognition.
Submissions after your first three will be eligible for honorable mention.
Make your submissions by September 15, 2015.