Joke Contest Results — Simple or Complex

Here are the September Joke Contest results. The theme is to create book titles which feature very simple or very complex subjects.  New joke contests are announced on the first of the month.

Our next contest will be announced on October 1.

Here are the top lines for this month’s contest selected by our panel of six judges (speakers and improv players).


Ninety Days to a Better Three Months
Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois


How To Fix Your Roof Using The Tree That Fell On It
Cindy Tebo, St Louis, Missouri


Meatloaf Slicing To Wow Your Friends
Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

– Ventriloquism for Dummies
– Puppetry for Dummies
– Melon Balling Made Easy
– Why 2 1/2 Inch Toothpicks are Better Than 2 3/4 Inch Toothpicks
– Square or Round and How to Choose

– Memory Foam Mattresses and Impressions They Have Made
– Why, When and How to Trim Nose and Ear Hair
– How To Find the How To Books You Are Really Looking For
– 101 Delicious Recipes Using Office Supplies
– Find Your Perfect Mate in Sixty-three Easy Steps

– Who Knew There Are So Many Ways to Fold Napkins
– How to Never Again Be Caught Without Your Crayons
– Dill Pickles and Chewing Gum for Fun and Profit
– Las Vegas on 25 Cents Per Day
– Live Like a King on Your Own Charity Donations

– Smothering With An Air-Tight Alibi
– Separate Siamese Twins While Participating in a Presidential Debate
– Your Guide to Proper Shoelace Length
– How to Play Tic-Tac-Toe By Yourself
– The beginners guide to cutting paper in half

– No friends? Clone yourself
– How to can without canning using Tupperware
– Don’t be a baby; teaching kids to walk in three months
– How to peel off peel off stickers
– Eating for beginners

– Yes, you Can walk and talk at the same time
– Tupperware: the 12th wonder of the world
– Learn to hum along to pop songs when you don’t know the words
– Zipper in front: the pants primer
– Sorting socks the RIGHT way

– Jet engine repair for beginners
– The alphabet A to Z
– Twist off caps got you down? Learn the secret
– Nuclear reactors for kids
– How to get paid to laugh at comedy clubs

– Rebuild a Peterbilt tractor in your spare time for under $5000
– Keep Your Mouth Shut: The weight loss guide
– How to Write How to Books for Those Who Cannot Read
– How to Become Super Sensitive So All speech Offends You
– Training your cat to recite the Gettysburg Address

– Naming Your Doberman Pinschers Timex and Rolex so you can
Introduce them as Your Watchdogs
– Why Pluto has Been Abused by Scientists and Will it Come Back to
Bite Them
– An In Depth Analysis of the Evaluation Process of Awarding Humor
Power Joke Contest Winners (submitted for both simple and complex
caegories of jokes)
– How I Dramatically Improved My Life Watching Paint Dry and
Grass Grow
– Explaining the American Political System in 116 Steps–A Short Ten
Year Program