Here is another monologue presented at the end of a meeting. The jokes were the result of paying attention to what was happening during the meeting and then looking for connections which were humorous and not expected by the audience.
THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)
1. A speaker quoted a bible verse.
2. A speaker was wearing a shirt with a slogan on it: Why not today?
3. The meeting was held in a church which had the slogan: “Church for people who don’t like church.
4. A speaker said to the audience, “You’re the best audience I’ve had in a long time…and I don’t say that to every audience. Well, maybe I do.”
5. I have joked in the past that the only celebrity I look like is Mr
6. A speaker said that his alarm wakes him up every morning at 5:00 am.
7. I was using a walker.
8. One of the members attending the meeting looked like Hillary
9. A speaker said, “If you don’t market yourself you become invisible.”
10. A speaker said, “Get a coach. A good coach isn’t cheap, but is a
The bible refers to the quick and the dead. I am neither.
(Self deprecation. I often joke about being slow.)
I speak on procrastination. I have a book titled “Why Not Tomorrow?”
(A call back with a twist. It was set up nicely during the self
introductions when the man wearing the Why-not-today shirt
commented on his shirt.)
I do humor for people who don’t like laughter.
(Twisting the theme of the church to relate it to what I do, in a joking way. It could be received as an absurd statement or it could be implying that people don’t laugh at my jokes, self-deprecation.)
As a group you have the best sense of humor. And I don’t say that to every group.
(A call back.)
I’m now working nights at Madam Tsuaad’s Wax Museum. I’m performing as a sculpture of Mr Rogers. Tourists say I’m almost life like.
(Self-deprecation about my low-energy style.)
Every day my alarm goes off at 5…pm…after my afternoon nap.
(Switching am for pm.)
Women like men who are funny. Women like men who are tall. Women like men who use walkers. I made that up.
(Making fun of my walker, something obvious.)
We have a special guest today. Would you please stand, Hillary Clinton.
(I like to recognize people in the audience without coordinating with
them. In this case, I was taken by surprise when the look-alike had left the meeting early.)
To wrap things up: Two tips to help you understand the speaking business:
(Bringing closure to the monologue.)
Not being funny is being invisible.
(Twisting an earlier phrase to tie it into my humor theme.)
Know that funny speeches aren’t cheap…and cheap speeches aren’t funny.
(Another example of twisting words to fit my theme.)