Humor Power

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.  Ten other club members presented a total of 20 observational lines before I presented my monologue.  They came up with observations that never occurred to me, yet they didn’t duplicate any of the lines planned for my monologue.  The lesson is that the supply of humorous observations is almost limitless…you only have to be looking for them.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  Scott suggested that Dana was looking for someone to dance with.

2.  Dana gave a humorous speech about kissing.

3.  The emcee for the evening introduced “Nancy Grace” as a theme for the meeting.  He referred to her Wardrobe Malfunction on Dancing With The Stars.

4.  The word of the evening was STRIDENT.

5.  A guest said that he came to Toastmasters to work on his social skills.

6.  A guest said he came to Toastmasters because his boss encouraged him to come.

7.  In his kissing speech, Dana said that when you kiss a woman you want to make the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

8.  A speaker talked about getting rid of bees.  He said that after the bees are gone, the honey which remains in the walls of a house can cause over $10,000 damage.

9.  Talking about ladder safety, a speaker described ladder mittens which are used to prevent damage to the walls.

10.  A speaker talked about restaurant inspections and mentioned a restaurant named Heart Attack Grill.

11.  A speaker said that health inspectors have found restaurant kitchens with live roaches and mice.

THE MONOLOGUE

I went dancing Saturday night.  I had a great time Dana…and Scott.
(A call back, dropping myself into someone else’s story.  Used SCOTT as a topper.)

Dana…we enjoyed your speech.  50% of the women were hoping for free samples.  And 25% of the men.
(A humorous suggestion of free samples, followed by a topper, 25% of the men.)

To the average man, a kiss from Dana would be as welcome as a wardrobe malfunction from Nancy Grace.
(A joke driven by a comparison.)

If you want to improve your social skills…chew Strident gum.
(Using the word of the day for a sound-alike chewing gum joke.)

Like our guest, I also came to Toastmasters because of my boss.  That was 39 years ago.  If this is your first meeting, in forty years THIS is what you have to look forward to.
(Self deprecation.)

When you’re over 60 you learn that when you kiss a woman, you want to make the hairs stand up in her nose and ears.
(Using a standard joke of “old age comes with hair in your nose and ears.”)

And you learn that when you divorce…your honey can cause over $10,000 damage.
(Connecting divorce with bee eradication by using the double meaning of HONEY.)

After tonight’s program, I’ll be leading a Multi-Level-Marketing program on selling Ladder Mittens at inflated prices to friends and family.
(I used this line because I thought that Ladder Mittens was a funny sounding word.)

Then we’ll be having dinner at the Heart Attack Grill, which is located in the Palm Mortuary.  When you arrive there the Host will ask you, “Plot or Crypt?”
(I used this joke because other restaurants mentioned in a speech were identified by location, but Heart Attack Grill was not.)

Tonight we learned that when eating in a restaurant, and you find live roaches and mice in your food, you should notify the Health Department.  If you find DEAD roaches and mice in your food…you should use chopsticks.
(I thought that it was interesting that the speaker on health inspections only identified inspection problems with LIVE roaches and mice.  I decided to ask “what if” DEAD roaches and mice were found, and twist it with the use of chopsticks to solve the problem.)

Here is a monologue presented at the end of a meeting and an analysis of the humor.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  A guest said she was attending the meeting because she wanted to learn how to be more extroverted and open.

2.  The theme of the meeting was Onomatopoeia which means:  A word that imitates the source of the sound it describes, such as:  Meow, Crash, Crack, Ding Dong.

3.  The emcee of the meeting said that Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was an example of onomatopoeia.

4.  The word of the day was Kip.

5.  Frank (who goes by the initial S), said that if you put him in front of the word-of-the-day, you would have SKIP.

6.  Frank is a large person, 6 foot 4 inches tall.

7.  Frank responded to a question with a horse-type NEIGH.

8.  A speaker said she ran a marathon, but joked that she quit running 2/10 of a mile from the finish.  “Running 26.2 miles is ridiculous.”

9.  A speaker gave a speech on Africanized Honey Bees.  He said that pesticides used to kill the bees also kills other insects.

10.  During the impromptu portion of the meeting, speakers imitated animals making appropriate sounds:  Moo, Baaa, Roar…

THE MONOLOGUE

For those of you who are here to become more extroverted and more open…watch me closely.
(Self deprecation, my low-key delivery is the opposite.  A very big laugh.  A perfect opener.)

My favorite onomatopoeia is Twinkle Twinkle.  I just love going outside at night and LISTENING to the stars.
(Twinkle is not an example of Onomatopoeia as it doesn’t originate from a sound but rather a visual.  I wasn’t sure this joke would work, but it got a good laugh.)

If you put S in front of KIP…nobody would know what the word of the day was.
(A literal statement of the truth.  Huge laugh.)

Frank would probably disagree with that, because he’s a neigh (nay) sayer.
(A call back.)

I’ve written a best seller:  Laos on Five Kips a Day.
(Reference to an old best-seller book series started by Europe on Five Dollars a Day.  One of the definitions of KIP is a unit of currency in Laos.)

I ran in the Las Vegas Marathon this past weekend.  At 2/10 of a mile I stopped running.  Running 26.2 miles is ridiculous.
(STOPPED RUNNING got a very good laugh.  RIDICULOUS got a huge laugh.  The topper was unexpected.)

I had a nest of Africanized bees in my back yard.  An exterminator sprayed and killed the ants, the roaches, and my dog.  My dog’s last word was…MEOW.  He was bi-lingual.
(ANTS, ROACHES AND MY DOG got a laugh.  The topper MEOW got a bigger laugh.  The second topper BI-LINGUAL got the biggest laugh.)

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  The theme for the meeting was Speech Evaluation Contest.

2.  A speaker, talking on Image, referred to what you wear as your Style Statement.

3.  I was wearing basketball shorts and a denim shirt with cartoon characters.

4.  Speaker Cheyenna Burns was asked if she was related to George Burns.

5.  A speech evaluator referred to Cheyenna’s body…he meant speech organization.  Everyone laughed at the unintended double meaning of BODY.

6.  During the Speech Evaluation Contest, it was said that the target speaker (who all the contestants would evaluate) was wearing a big red X on her shirt…a target for feedback.

7.   A member made a motion that guests, who were dues-paid Toastmasters, should be allowed to serve as judges during our evaluation contest.

8.  A guest named John said that the meeting was convenient because we met right across the street from where he lived.

9.  I give directions to our meetings telling people that we meet at the US Bank building on Sahara across the street from Palace Station Casino.

10.  A guest suggested that member Bill Lusk looked like Bob Barker, former host of The Price is Right.

11.  A speaker used the cliche:  I’ll quit while I’m ahead.

THE MONOLOGUE 

Pay no attention to my style statement.
(Self-deprecation.  As I delivered the line I had in mind the delivery of the Wizard of Oz:  “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.”  Huge laugh.  Great opening line.)

My name is John Kinde.  And I am related to George Burns.
(A simple call back.  Worked great.)

Cheyenna…I thought your structure and organization were OK.  I thought your body was great.
(Worked well to imply that I meant PHYSICAL body.)

I’m presenting Observational Humor.  You can tell by the big red X on my shirt.
(Suggests that by presenting humor, I set myself up with a target on my chest.  This was the weakest line of the monologue.)

I move that all guests, who are dues paying Toastmasters, have permission to laugh at my jokes.
(Twisted the previous motion.  Good laugh.)

John, I’m glad you’re a guest tonight.  I’ve always wanted to meet someone who lived at Palace Station.
(Simple link.  Big laugh.)

You may be wondering how I got my name.  A genie said, I’m going to read a list of names.  Stop me when I get to the name you want.  BILL.  (Well, I never did want to look like Bob Barker.)  MIKE. (I am a speaker and use a microphone.)  JOHN.  (What?  Named after a bathroom?  Oh all right…I’ll quit while I’m a head.)
(Call-back of a cliche.  Self-deprecation, making fun of my own name.  Big laugh.)

Let me give you a quick tip for those who will compete in next year’s speech evaluation contest.   Make sure every evaluation includes something critical and something complimentary.  For example:  “That was one of the worst speeches I’ve ever heard…but it was a big improvement over the last time I heard you speak.”
(Plays on superiority theory.  Lets audience figure out that previous speech was even worse than “one of the worst.”  It’s a safe put-down because it’s targeted at an imaginary speaker, not at a specific person.  Huge laugh.  Perfect closer.  This is a recycled line used several years earlier.)

We installed our new club officers at our PowerHouse Pros meeting this week.  Our Area Governor, Valerie Harper, led the installation.  It was a lengthy meeting with four speakers.  Two of the speakers gave longer, advanced-manual speeches.  The installation ceremony was scheduled at the end of the meeting, which meant that the meeting ran 30 minutes past our normal closing time.  The Area Governor did a thorough job recognizing each incoming officer, providing a detailed description of each position’s responsibilities from her script.  Everyone knew the meeting was running long.  A couple of people, with prior commitments, slipped out the side door before the installation was complete.  After installing the first six officers, she was ready to install the President, the last officer.  “And finally we have Ryan Mulligan…”  Ryan interrupted with, “I agree to do all the things you have written on that sheet of paper!”  A huge laugh.  It was the perfect observational humor line to relieve the tension created by running late.  It was the funniest line of the night.

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  Our General Evaluator said that all of our speech evaluators happened to be cute guys.

2.   An evaluator gave a general suggestion.  He followed that advice with, “I’m not sure how you’ll be able to do that.”

3.  Two of our younger club members (early 20s) are Ryan and David.  A speaker referred to them as his sons.

4.  A speaker talked about turning forty.  He implied that it was a large number.

5.  A speaker talked about people over 100 years old and how Japanese culture treats older people better than we do in the USA.

6.  One of our members is named Bill Parker.

7.  A speaker said that people fear speaking in public more than they fear death.

8.  As part of the impromptu speaking assignments, a member was required to sing a song.

THE MONOLOGUE

As you’ve probably noticed…we’ve run out of cute guys.
(Self-deprecation.  Huge laugh.  A perfect opener.)

The floor is open to humorous observations.  Your challenge is to come up with observations which are funny.  I’m not sure how to do that…but it’ll be great if you’re able to.
(I wasn’t sure how well this would work, thinking that the set-up might not be strong enough.  But it received a very good laugh.)

I’d like to introduce you to my two grandsons…Ryan and David.
(Self-deprecation.  Good laugh.)

I have a correction to make.  Forty is not a big number.
(I felt this was a good line, but it received almost no laughter.  It may have needed a better set-up to link it to the mention of FORTY during the meeting.  It may also not have been clear that I was implying that 40 is a small number compared to my age.  It was intended to be self-deprecation.)

They announced today that congress has solved the Social Security funding problem.  When seniors turn 65, they will be given a one-way ticket to Japan.
(Best laugh of the monologue.)

What do you call a person who carefully puts a one dollar bill between a five and a ten dollar bill?  A bill parker.
(This line was not in the planned monologue, but Bill made a comment near the end of the Observational Humor session, and I chose to include it.  The humor trigger is name-play.  I look for first and last names which happen to be nouns and verbs.)

We were told that people feared speaking in public more than they feared death.  That’s not accurate.  The number one fear is to die on stage while singing.
(Good laugh by taking a different twist on an old speaking cliche.)

Here is an Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of Monday’s Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting, before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  I missed the previous meeting where Al Jensen served as the Observational Humor Master.  Before the meeting started, Al told me that he had done an impression of me, the week before, by imitating my body language.

2.  A speaker shared a quote (I paraphrase):  “If only I could say something…I could be a speaker.”

3.  A theme for the evening was “word play.”  Pam, our emcee for the program, shared the joke…A bus stops at a bus station.  A train stops at a train station.  In my home I have a work station.

4.  Pam had told her partner:  If I agreed with you, we would both be wrong.

5.  Pam shared a joke:  The early bird may get the worm…but the second mouse gets the cheese.  Pam said she had a difficult time explaining the joke to her partner.

6.  A speaker referred to the safety announcement on a plane:  Put on your own mask first, before helping put on your child’s mask.

7.  A speaker asked:  If someone volunteers…is he selfish?

8.  A speaker shared the joke:  I have a wonderful time coming to our club meetings…but tonight wasn’t one of those times.

THE MONOLOGUE

As I present my Observational Humor tonight…I’ll be doing an impression of Al Jensen doing me.
(This joke would be funniest to members who had been at the previous week’s meeting.  But I knew it would still work well for those who had missed the meeting because, first, Al is a very funny guy and one could easily imagine him doing an impression of me.  And second, he was the General Evaluator and introduced me as the Observational Humor Master.  Since he was center-stage before I started my session, he was a logical person to be the target of a joke.)

If I could say something funny…I could be a humorous speaker.
(This starts a sequence of four jokes which recalls quotes from the meeting which are twisted to fit my role as Observational Humor Master.)

I am the Observational Humorist.  This is my work station.
(Implied punchline, that when my monologue starts the laughs stop.  Self-deprecation.)

If you used the same Observational Humor as me…we’d both be funny.
(Nice twist of a phrase revisited.)

The first speaker may say a joke.  But it’s the second mouse that gets the laughs.
If you don’t understand that joke…Pam will explain it to you later.
(A nonsense joke with a strong topper.)

If you’re robbing a bank with your child…put on your own mask first.
(Good wordplay twist on a previous quote.)

If a shrimp volunteers…is he shellfish?
(Sound alike words are the humor trigger.)

I have a wonderful time presenting my Observational Humor at our meetings…but not tonight.
(An excellent closer.)

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  Linda Evans was the emcee for the program.  The theme was FLAMBOYANT.  Woven into the flow of the meeting were facts about the life of Liberace, famous entertainer in the 1950s-1970s.  The Liberace Museum in Las Vegas had recently closed.  As a prop, she used a large ribbon with the word LIBERACE printed on it.

2.  A speaker talked about Hot Yoga where you stretch and exercise in a hot room.  She humorously referred to it as Hot, Horrible and Sweaty.

3.  Nine days before the meeting I won Third Place at the District 33 International Speech Contest.

4.  At the start of the meeting, the club President mentioned doing something “so that you’d remember my face.”  Soon after, one of the first speakers referenced the same phrase:  “So you’d remember my face.”

5.  Two speech evaluators mentioned that speaking without notes improves your presentation.

6.  In a speech evaluation, Pam said that she didn’t like it when a speaker starts a speech asking the audience to close their eyes.  She joked:  “I’m afraid someone will steal my purse!”

7.  Ryan was given an impromptu speech topic and asked to deliver it in a flamboyant, Liberace style.  His natural style is non-flammable.

8.  Ronny gave a speech where he talked about his phobias of flying and being underground in a mine.

9.  Ronny referred to STALAGTITES as STAGTITES.

10.  Linda was referring to the candelabra on Liberace’s piano and accidentally said “candelabra on his refrigerator.”

11.  A speaker talking about yoga mentioned the downward-dog pose and the corpse pose.

12.  A speaker talked about a road trip thru Utah.  She noticed a deer lying in the middle of the road.  As she passes, the deer raised its head.  It was alive.  She was afraid to move the deer, so she called 911 and waited for the Highway Patrol to arrive.  On arriving, the officer said: “I think you should be on your way.”  As they pulled away, they saw the officer take his rifle out of the patrol car.  It appeared that the officer was going to “put the deer out of it’s misery.”

13.  Linda, the program emcee, performed a magic trick to introduce the Observational Humor Master (me).  She used the Liberace ribbon which she had been displaying for the entire meeting.  Performing the torn-and-restored ribbon trick, she tore up the Liberace ribbon and then unfolded it and the restored ribbon read John Kinde…but it was upside down.  Then I was introduced.

THE MONOLOGUE (A strong monologue with 16 good to huge laugh lines.)

I’m not going to stand on my head.
(Good response primarily because the set-up happened immediately before I delivered the line.  Keep your eyes and ears open until just before you begin your remarks.)

It was hot.  It was horrible.  It was sweaty.  And I still managed to take third place.
(The punchline was based on a call-back and switch.  I picked up my third-place award and held it up.  I created the awful place and it turned out to be the District contest.  All in fun, for the sake of the joke.  It wasn’t horrible at all.)

(I opened the floor to Observational Humor from the members.  Ryan volunteered first and told a joke that didn’t immediately connect with the audience.)
Ryan told you that joke so that you’d remember his face.
(I had a variation of this line in the monologue:  “People always ask me why I volunteer to be the Observational Humor Master.  It’s so you’ll remember my face.”  After Ryan’s joke, I reworded the line applying it to him.  It worked perfectly, and appeared to be more spontaneous used that way, than as a planned, scripted line.)

I considered delivering this monologue without notes…but I decided that I’d rather be funny.
(The truth is funny.  I’d rather remember the lines than count on an unreliable memory.  A bit of self-deprecation, implying that I’m not capable of memorizing my own monologue.)

One of the speakers at the District Speech Contest had the audience close their eyes.  That’s when I stole Pam’s purse.
(I dropped myself into Pam’s story/phobia.)

I remember auditioning for a part in a play about 12 years ago.  The director had me read some lines.  He then told me to repeat the lines and flame out.  Like Ryan…I don’t flame.
(True story.  Connected Ryan’s non-flamboyant style with my own non-flammable style.)

Next week you’ll see a new ribbon on our banner.  Liberace.  You saw it here first…tonight.
(A simple link of the Liberace ribbon, which was displayed many times by the emcee, to the many banner ribbons which were on display at the front of the room for the entire meeting.)

I’m planning a dream vacation on a two-person submarine diving to 15,000 feet.  I’m going to remind myself not to go with Ronny.
(Huge laugh.  Ronny referred to up-in-the-air and under-ground phobias, so I thought it would work to add under-water to the list.)

Ronny mis-pronounced stalagtites as staglites.  I looked up staglites in the dictionary.  It has two definitions:
  – The favorite beer of single men.
  – Illumination from a candelabra on a man’s refrigerator.
(I took the liberty of changing his STAGTITES mis-pronunciation to STAGLITES.  Then I referenced my imaginary dictionary.  In the second punchline, I revisited the candelabra reference.)

It’s time for my yoga pose demonstration. 
(Big laugh.  Stiff, old me?  Do yoga?  Right!  Self deprecation.)
I was going to do the downward dog.  But the ambulance isn’t here yet.
(Self-deprecation.)
So instead I’ll do:
  – The Pink Flamingo
  – The Smiling Cat
  – And the dead deer…also known as the corpse pose.
(Made up two poses to set up the call back of the dead deer and reference to the corpse pose.  All my poses looked identical to the corpse pose.)

If you’re ever driving through Utah and you see me lying in the middle of the road.   When you see me raise my head…listen closely…as I’ll be saying:  “Don’t call the cops!”
(Dropped myself into someone else’s story.  Implied punchline: “I survived being hit by a car.  I don’t want to die.” Very big laugh.  Good closer.)

When I’m using Observational Humor, away from the practice-environment of a Toastmasters Meeting monologue, I’m usually looking for a single observation to add a bit of color to an otherwise ordinary presentation, speech or interview.

I recently competed in the TM International Speech Contest at the area-level.   After the contest speeches, the contestants are normally interviewed by the contest Toastmaster.  The interviews are conducted for several reasons.  During the contest itself, the contestants do not receive an introduction which includes biographical background information.  This is to keep from influencing the judges, for example knowing that a contestant speaks professionally.  It’s felt that “getting to know the contestants better” is best done after the contest judging ballots are completed.

Another reason for doing the contestant interviews is to have something productive to do while the ballot counters are tallying the results of the judges’ votes. 

Another purpose for doing the contestant interviews is to give our members practice in a live interview format.  I love this aspect of the experience.  For me, it’s one of my favorite parts of the contest event.  It provides me the opportunity to practice Observational Humor away from the laboratory-experience of a formal Toastmasters meeting where I might do a seven-joke monologue.  In the contestant-interview format, I would most likely be looking for a single joke or a joke/topper to add some color to an otherwise straight-laced interview.

In my most recent contest experience, we featured two contests, The Tall Tales Contest, and the International Contest.  Krista Kulesza was the winner of the Tall Tales contest.  Krista’s speech was about her engagement to be married.  She talked about how important it was that the marriage proposal be just right.   “Ladies, you know what a big deal it is when the proposal is from your first husband.”  A terrific line.  She received a big laugh.

Later, during the contestant interview for the International Speech contest, I was asked if there was anyone I wanted to recognize.  This was a stock question asked of most contestants.  So I was prepared to answer:  “Yes, I wanted to recognize Krista.  I’m planning on proposing marriage to her.  But I don’t feel any pressure to be creative…since I’ll be her second husband.”  Huge laugh.

This a joke/topper format.  The first joke was a simple call-back to the theme of Krista’s speech.  I was dropping myself into her story; one more suitor asking for her hand in marriage.  Although I was using it (proposing marriage) as a set-up for the topper (second husband), which was a much stronger line, it worked well as a stand-alone joke and received a very good laugh.  The trigger for the topper was the set-up line provided in her speech about “the first husband.”  That line had received a very big laugh making it a trigger, or candidate for Observational Humor.

From a delivery stand-point, the joke appears to be complete when I say, “I’m planning on proposing marriage to her.”  The topper then comes as a total surprise, which magnifies the power of the humor.  The topper received a much bigger laugh than the set-up joke, which is the way it’s supposed to work.

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  It was a tough night for Observational Humor.  Some nights the gems come easy.  Some nights they don’t.  We always start the Observational Humor portion of the meeting by opening the floor for Observational Humor comments from our members.  On a typical night we will have ten members share observations; and four of them will present short monologues of several lines each.  On this night, only one member did a monologue, and it was hit-and-miss.  Three other members who almost always have multiple lines to share had nothing.  That was it.  No other members had anything to share.  It was one of those nights when the humor didn’t come easy.

2.  A speaker opened with several hand-raising questions.  “Raise your hand if you wish you had more money.”

3.  A speaker referred to someone who had “more money than God.”

4.  A member who raised his hand was jokingly referred to as someone who was “flailing.”

5.  I mistakenly called on one of our more humorous members to share Observational Humor.  I thought his hand was raised, but it apparently wasn’t.  He chose to stand and attempted to come up with a line on the spot, without much success.

6.  The person assigning impromptu speech topics said:  “As they say in contests…let the Table Topics begin!”

7.  The person assigning impromptu speech topics asked the guests if they wanted to participate in Table Topics, after they had seen our members model a couple of strong demonstrations of how it’s done right.  No guests volunteered.

8.  A speaker was given a rain poncho and required to speak about the object.  He said that is was part of his wardrobe as a stand-up comic.  “You know what happens to bad comics.”

9.  Beverly gave a speech about her vacation to Jamaica.  On vacation with her mother, a tour guide who gave them a “free..no-charge” tour, told her at the end of the tour that he’d take her mother back to the ship and take her to his hotel.

10.  The theme of the meeting was Mardi Gras.

11.  We took a break half way through the meeting to celebrate the announcement of our Toastmaster of the year.  Cookies were served.

12.  Barbel gave a speech and made a joke about Bernie Madoff.  Her speech evaluator mistakenly made reference to her “Merdoff Joke.”

THE MONOLOGUE

Raise your hand if you wish you had more humor than God.
(A double-call-back.  Simple.  Got a surprisingly good laugh.)

(The member I called on, who I mistakenly thought raised his hand to share some Observational Humor, responded:  “But I wasn’t flailing.” )
No, actually, you didn’t start flailing until after I called on you.
(I was planning on using the line “I see you flailing” when calling on the person who was the target of the flailing joke earlier in the evening.  As it turned out he never volunteered any humor.  Then the member I mistakenly called on made the flailing reference, which allowed me to respond with my “you didn’t start flailing until after I called on you.”  A very big laugh.)

Now that we’ve seen how Observational Humor is NOT done…would any of our guests like to present some humorous observations?
(I modified my planned line “Now that we’ve seen how Observational Humor is done…would any of our guests like to present some humorous observations?”  A very big laugh.)

As they say in contests…let the Observational Humor begin.
(Weak laugh.)

Excuse me while I put on my Observational Humor poncho.
(An Observational Humor saver line came in handy, implying that my joke bombed.)

For Beverly, the Observational Humor is free.  No charge.
(Earlier, a speech evaluator reviewing Beverly’s speech said that “the evaluation was Free.”  Since the observational line was used by someone else, I chose to drop it from my monologue.)

Today is Cookie Monday.
Which is followed by Fat Tuesday.
And that is followed by Diet Wednesday.
(This was an interesting sequence.  Joke.  Topper.  Topper.  But the lines got progressively weaker.  Cookie Monday surprised me with a big response.  That may have been, in part, because the set-up [Fat Tuesday] was firmly set [a hard set-up] by multiple repetitions during the meeting.  Also, the word COOKIE is a funny word with two K sounds in it.  What ever the reason, the laugh was much bigger than I expected.  The Fat Tuesday line was a mini-topper, but mostly intended as a set-up line for the Diet Wednesday line.  Those lines received just moderate laughs.  The Diet Wednesday line was recycled from our New Holidays joke contest, submitted by a reader in February.  Although the lines went from strong to medium and medium response, they didn’t bomb and I would have used them again if I had it to do over.)

Did you notice that Barbel’s Merdoff joke MADE OFF with the laughs?
(This was a time-release, word-play joke.  I didn’t expect a big laugh, but slipped it in to see how many people would catch it.  It got a small laugh.   One person said out loud, “I get it.”  I guess you could say, I did the joke for me.)

Beverly, after the meeting, I’ll be providing your ride to the hotel…where we’ll be meeting your mother.
(Great closing line.  Huge laugh.  Joke.  Topper.  I softened the implied joke by twisting the mother line.  In the set-up, the mother was not invited to the hotel.  In my joke, she might be considered a chaperone.)

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting, before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  An evaluator illustrated how a speaker could have a stronger call to action, at the end of a speech, by being very vocally assertive.  He over-did his example, realized it, and then said:  “We’ll, maybe not with not that much bombast.”

2.  We have a very diverse membership.  Several speakers that evening shared that English was their second language.

3.  A speaker mocked his own skill level, saying he had the skills of a giant iguana.

4.  A guest, who was a massage therapist, joked that people will often say to her:  “My back is killing me,” looking for a free massage.

5.  A speaker mentioned that he had recently watched a Japanese movie.

6.  People were assigned impromptu speech topics in pairs.  Pam and David were a team, and Pam climbed all over David.  Someone later joked that they were now required to get married.

7.  A speech evaluator used a sign, which was a magician’s prop, at the end of his evaluation.  The words on the sign changed each time he turned it over:  Applause, More Applause, Keep It Up, Thank You.

THE MONOLOGUE

The floor is open to anyone with Observational Humor.  If you have any Observational Humor…you will PRESENT IT NOW!!!
(I delivered the end of the statement with over-the-top energy, which is a great contrast to my normal low-energy style.)

I feel like I’m at a great disadvantage…when I was raised, my first language was English.
(Could be interpreted as self-deprecation.  Could be interpreted as a nonsense reversal of a common theme at the meeting.  A good laugh.)

It’s strange that I’m good at Observational Humor.  When I was young, I had the humor skills of a giant iguana.
(A call back.  Self-deprecation.)

My back is killing me. 
(Walked over to and looked at the guest who was a massage therapist.  I paused an extra long time.  The laughter was delayed, but very strong.)

That was a time-released joke.
(An off-the-cuff observation that was not in my scripted monologue.  I call delayed reaction jokes, Time Released Humor.  Sometimes the delay is expected.  Sometimes it’s a surprise.  In this case I was anticipating the slow reaction.)

Last night I watched a Japanese movie.  I just watched it.  I didn’t listen to it.
(I played with the literal definition of WATCH.)

After I heard that Pam and David are getting married…I realized that if Michael married JD…he would be Michael Smith.
(Played with names.  Both people have the last name Smith.  Getting married would not change their last names.  Anticipating another delayed reaction, I paused and made a facial gesture.  Received a delayed laugh as they processed the joke.)

That concludes tonight’s Observational Humor.  (Held up hand-drawn sign which said APPLAUSE.  A big laugh.)