Humor Power

Here is another Observational Humor monologue from a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (what happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1.  Our club has an AH Counter (many clubs do).  The job of the AH Counter is to count audible pauses:  AHs and Umms.  Our AH counter also counts the unnecessary times we say AND, SO, WELL, YOU KNOW, etc.  I was caught saying WELL a few times too many.

2.  Eric Culverson presented a great tall tales speech.  He won the district contest this past weekend.  At the time this monologue was written, I was also in the running for Tall Tales.  Both of our Tall Tales speeches used a cell phone to take imaginary phone calls during our talks.  Eric’s Tall Tale was about running for President.  He took calls from Clinton and Obama during his speech.

3.  Eeric had a visual aid which didn’t fit well on his easel.  It fell off.  He got lots of laughs from the mistake.

4.  We have lots of funny people in our club.  The speech evaluators (who always present before the Observational Humor session) were especially funny.

5.  A speaker told a joke about a fence around a cemetery.  The fence was there because people were dying to get in.

THE MONOLOGUE

Let me do another Ronald Reagan impersonation:  “Well…”

If I compete against Eric again, I have a secret weapon.  I have an easel that’s worse than his.

I learned from watching Eric’s speech.  I’m going to use the cell phone more than once.

(answering cell phone)  Hello…oh Hillary!  Yes, you were right.  He IS talking to Obama.

My rhythm was thrown off today.   The evaluators were funnier than get free ringtones for my cell phone | free ringtones for prepaid phone | free metro pcs ringtones | mobile phone ringtones | free cingular ringtones | cricket ringtones | free ringtones for verizon phone | download ringtones motorola | free make own ringtones | send free ringtones to your phone | free nokia mp3 ringtones | free motorola razr ringtones | free make own ringtones | download free cricket ringtones | free ringtones and wallpaper | free polyphonic ringtones download | ringtones for sprint phone | nextel ringtones | cell phone ringtones | free jamster ringtones | the speakers.

My first Toastmasters club didn’t have an AH counter.  We had a Geiger Counter.  We kept track of every time someone said GEIGER.

There must be something wrong with me.  Today I passed by a cemetery with no fence around it…and I had no urge to get in.

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented)

1.  The impromptu segment of the meeting (called Table Topics) featured food products, mostly canned and boxed items from Trader Joes.  The person delivering the off-the-cuff talk was asked to create a commercial for the item.

2.  A speaker talked about profiling customers.  A mention was made about “adult children of alcoholics.”

3.  A speaker talked about the many hats we wear as small business persons; sales, accounting, supply, janitorial, etc.

4.  A speaker mentioned his web site.  “When you type it in, no hyphens, slashes or underscoring.”

5.  Someone joked that we were fishing for new club members using fish hooks.

6.  Our club is about an hour’s drive from Pahrump, one of the cities in Nevada where brothels are legal.

7.  A speaker confessed she had a stack of unread books which was so high that she couldn’t jump over them.  She suggested that a way to catch up on your reading was to get up one hour earlier each morning.

8.  A speaker mentioned Mr Drysdale, the banker on The Beverly Hillbillies TV show from the 1960s.

9.  The week before the meeting I competed in a Tall Tales competition where I gave a speech claiming I was a space alien.

THE MONOLOGUE

Today’s Observational Humor session is brought to you by Trader Joe’s.
(It was obvious that they were really NOT the sponsor.  A funny callback.)

We’ve completed a profile of the type of people who do Observational Humor.  They have offspring who are the adult children of alcoholics.
(The logic structure of the punchline concerned me.  I wasn’t sure people would get the joke.  But it worked immediately.  Right after delivering it, I did a take, a facial expression indicating that I wasn’t really sure what I just said.  It was a subtle self-deprecation joke.)

I am an Observational Humorist, a speaker and a janitor.  My web site is www.HumorPower.com.  That’s with a hyphen, a slash, and an underline.
(The web site line works because it contrasts the simplicity of the web site name, Humor Power, with the made-up complexity of the punctuation.)

It was suggested that we use a fish hook to get new members.  There is a club in Pahrump that does that.  Not only that, they use a large hook when someone speaks overtime.  They’re called The Hookers Toastmasters Club.
(Since I was speaking to locals, they were familiar with the Brothels of Pahrump.  The line worked well.)

I have to admit, I also have a stack of unread books which is so high I can’t jump over them.  As I see it, I have two options.  Either I get up an hour earlier each morning.  OR I learn to jump higher.  I think I’ll choose to sleep in.
(The line received a big laugh.  The topper got another laugh.)

Someone mentioned Mr Drysdale on the Beverly Hillbillies.  Does anyone remember the name of his secretary?  Yes, Jane Hathaway.  I think we’re getting old.  Does anyone remember Klaatu Barada Nikto?  Yes, it’s from The Day The Earth Stood Still, a black and white movie from 1952.  When I saw that movie as a kid, I became fascinated with space aliens.  And now I am one.
(This joke involved a long set up, but involved the audience and flattered those with a good memory.  The final punch line made the connection with my Tall Tales speech.)

This is a review of an Observational Humor monologue presented at an NSA meeting featuring guest speaker Aldonna Adler.

THE SET-UP (what was said and what happened at the meeting before the monologue was presented)

1.  Aldonna mentioned that many speakers caught the flu at a recent NSA Speaker Palooza meeting two weeks earlier.  She said that’s why she might not be as perky as expected (she’s a very energetic speaker).

2.  An inside joke at my chapter is that I look like Mr Rogers.  (Not really…but my soft-spoken style is similar to his.)

3.  It was mentioned that all speakers can, at times, be “vanilla.”  Gaye joked that even she (an African American) could be Vanilla.

4.  Aldonna asked:  “Does anybody else get a rush when they cross a task off their Task List?

5.  During a break, the men noticed that the men’s room was filled with Santas.  They were having conference down the hall.

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7.  Twice during the meeting Aldonna referred to PPP twice (Previously Poor Person AND Patient Partnership Program).

8.  A question was asked:  “What does divorce cost?”  And it received a big laugh.

9.  It was noted that when people appear not to like us, it’s just that they’re preoccupied.

10.  It was noted that doing a teleseminar is like speaking to a group of people in their shorts.

11.  Someone said that there was a business selling PhDs for $125.

THE MONOLOGUE

I attended Speaker Palooza two weeks ago.  Which may explain why I’m not as perky as you expected.
(This call back worked because I linked it to my low-key style.  A bit of self-deprecation.)

Like you expect perky from Mr Rogers.
(A call back to an inside joke.  Again poking fun at myself.)

I’m perky and Gaye Freedman is vanilla.
(A good connection.  A good call back.  A good laugh.)

(crossing off joke on my notepad)  Does anybody else get a rush when they cross a joke off their list?
(I was surprised that the action of crossing off the joke got a good laugh.  That was probably due to the effect of Riding-The-Wave.  They were already laughing at nearly everything I said.  The spoken line turned out to actually be a topper.)

What an unusual day.  I walked into a men’s room filled with Santas.  I wandered down the hall to see what kind of sessions they had at their conference. 
  - Elf Management
  - Ho Ho 101
  - I’m OK…You’re a Brat
(The Santas provided a VEHICLE for creating a list.)

I spoke to the US District Court in Des Moines a few months ago.  This is my lawsuit.
(This got a laugh, but was used primarily as a set-up for the following two jokes.)

That was a PPP.  A Pretty Painful Pun.
(A call back.  Worked well.)

I learned today that I in my suit I’m good looking, sophisticated and professional.  What concerns me is, what does that say about me when I’m NOT wearing a suit?
(Self-deprecation.  A good laugh.)

The program today was great.  I learned what’s funny and what’s not.  And I learned a lot about audiences.  Today’s funniest line was:  “What does divorce cost?”
(An observation.  A chance for the audience to laugh at themselves.  A good laugh.)

And I learned that if people don’t laugh at my jokes…it’s because they’re preoccupied!
(A call back.  A good laugh.)

When we put today’s workshop into action…in three months we’ll be speaking to guys in their shorts.  I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.  And as soon at morning comes, I’ll jump on the phone and order my $125 PhD.
(Nicely wrapped up the monologue with “here’s what I’ll get out of today’s program.”)

Here’s an analysis of an Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a Toastmasters club meeting.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said at the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  The theme of Presidential Trivia was announced by Bill Parker.  As the Toastmaster of the meeting, he transitioned from one part of the meeting to another with interesting trivia.

2.  Someone mentioned club-member Darren LaCroix’s mantra of “Stage time, Stage time, Stage time.”

3.  A speaker mentioned how Americans and Australians use different words to describe things.  For example, it was noted that a toilet in America would be a lou in Australia.

4.  Speaker John Bernstein mentioned that he was almost named after his uncle Lewis.

5.  Someone mentioned the cliche, “Time heals all wounds.”

6.  A speaker gave a technical speech which he called his ALOHA speech, an acronym.

7.  In a piece of Presidential trivia it was noted that the shortest Presidential inauguration speech was 135 words long.

8.  A Toastmasters club meeting includes short impromptu speeches called Table Topics, normally about 60-90 seconds.

9.  Before we did the Pledge of Allegiance, it was noted that we were outclassed by the way the High Noon Lectern club did the Pledge with great enthusiasm.

10.  Bill Lusk always stands out as the most energetic voice in our club when reciting the Pledge.

THE MONOLOGUE

Here’s a piece of presidential trivia.  Zachary Taylor logged more miles campaigning by stage coach than any other President.  His campaign advisor, Darren LaCross, said the key to success was: “Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.”
(The joke plays with the double meaning of the word STAGE.  Huge laugh.  The joke was made stronger by the fact that Darren was attending the meeting.)

John shared that he was almost named after his uncle Lewis.  In which case we would know him as Lou Bernstein.  Actually, that’s the difference between an American name and an Australian name.  In America he’s a John.  In Australia he’s a Lou.
(An excellent connection between comments made in two separate speeches.  Plays with the double meanings of both John and Lou.  Very big laugh.)

I knew someone who was such a jerk that within 30 days he was fired from his job, divorced by his wife and rejected by his dog.  Time wounds all heals.
(Twist of a cliche.  This was an old pun I had heard years earlier.  I created the set-up.  It worked well.)

I enjoyed Ed’s Aloha speech.  It was a sequel to last month’s Bonjour speech and a lead-in to next month’s Sayonara speech.
(To me, an obvious pattern for a joke.  A good laugh.)

It’s true.  One President actually gave a 135-word inaugural address.  He thought, “Do you solemnly swear?” was a table topic.
(The joke answers the question, “why such a short speech.”  It also tailors the answer for a Toastmasters audience.  Very good laugh.)

Here’s the secret to outclassing High Noon Lectern’s Pledge of Allegiance:  We need to clone Bill Lusk.
(A good closer which recognizes the enthusiasm of a long-time club member.)

This an Observational Humor Monologue presented at a Las Vegas Chapter meeting, National Speakers Association, featuring Patricia Fripp and Dan Maddux.

THE SETUP (what happened and what was said during the meeting, before the monologue was presented)

1.  Dan told us of a speaker who was addressing the American Payroll Association and mistakenly referred to them as the American Plumbers Association.

2.  Fripp used the term Happy Gigsters to refer to a certain group of speakers.

3.  Judy Moreo shared a story about a car salesman, a blind speaker and herself.  Here is a condensed version.  The salesman didn’t like the way his prime rib was cooked and switched plates with the blind man without asking.  The punchline came from the blind man:  “Apparently Honest Bob didn’t like the way his food was prepared.”

4.  At the start of the meeting, Peter announced he was getting married and that he met the special person while attending a Las Vegas show with Fripp and me.  Fripp said that she wasn’t Peter’s date and it got a good laugh.

5.  Dan referred to speakers who use promotional material with old photos as “dated speakers.”

6.  While coaching a speaker, Fripp referred to the speaker’s stance as Girlie Legs and recommended a stance that gave a more stable foundation.

7.  A speaker attendee, Rique, mentioned that “Beauty is an Inside Job.”

8.  Fripp, in one of her signature stories about a man named Larry, several times used the punchline:  “Lareeeeey!”

9.  Fripp told about being in a Ladies Room and being approached by a woman who asked, “Are you British.”  And then added, “Aren’t you Patricia Fripp?”

10.  Dan Maddux told of someone who had fabricated a testimonial with his name on it.  He stumbled onto the bogus testimonial during a Google search.

11.  Dan told us of inappropriate gifts he had received.  Among them were advertising pieces with a speaker’s name on them, and a bottle of massage oil.

12.  Dan told us of a speaker who gave half a speech and then said, “If you want to hear the rest of the speech, the sponsor will have to bring me back again next year.”

THE MONOLOGUE

It’s great to be here with the Las Vegas Chapter of the National Plumbers Association.
(An easy joke making an obvious switch of names.)

I feel so at home being in a room full of Happy Geezers.
(Again a nice switch of wording.  A little bit of self-deprecation here, implying that I am a geezer.)

We have a lot of first-timers at today’s meeting.  One thing that we learn at NSA is to never steal anyone’s material.  If we see something we like, we need to adapt it to be able to use it.  Here’s something I’m going to add to my next talk:  “Last week at a speech I was seated at the head table.  On my right was Honest Bob the car salesman.  On my left was a gorgeous motivational speaker.  It seems that Honest Bob wanted his prime rib well-done.  And the waiter gave him one that was rare.  The waiter gave me one that was well done.  I couldn’t believe it, but Honest Bob took my plate and switched it for his.  I leaned over to the gorgeous motivational speaker and said:  ‘It appears that Honest Bob thinks I’m blind!’”  I made the story mine.
(I initially had this bit near the end of the monologue, but decided to move it near the top because it was so strong.  A total of three good laughs with a huge laugh at the end.)

At the start of today’s meeting it was announced that Peter is engaged to be married to a person he met at the George Carlin show which he attended with Fripp and me.  Fripp wanted you to know that she was not Peter’s date.  And I want you to know that I was not Peter’s date.  I mention this so that Dan Maddux won’t think that Fripp and I are Dated Speakers.
(Added a topper to the Fripp line.  And then linked the whole thing to Dan’s later reference to dated-speakers.)

Coaching prepares is to be at our best.  I attended the Arnold Schwarzenegger School of Public Speaking where I learned to not use Girlie Legs.
(I chose to run a set of three call backs.  Legs, Lipstick, Larry.  The theme of “techniques I used giving a speech,” gave it structure.)

And Rique taught me that just before I begin a speech, I eat three tubes of lipstick…because beauty is an inside job.
(Taking something literally gave me the twist.)

I used those techniques the last time I gave a speech and the audience looked at me and said…Lareeeeey!
(Her frequent use of the punchline gave me the setup.)

I was in the Men’s Room during the lunch hour combing my hair.  A stranger came up behind me and said: “Are you British?”  I said, “No I’m not.”  And he replied, “For a second there I thought you were Patricia Fripp.”
(A nice reversal.  The lines worked great.)

I’m adding a testimonial to my web site tonight. “You are the funniest speaker I’ve ever heard.”  Dan Maddux.  I’m going to mis-spell Maddux so it isn’t searchable on Google.
(Simple joke based on the technique of claiming to have done something that had been identified as a no-no.)

If you’re interested, I’m selling Massage Oil with your name on it.
(Linking two unrelated things made this joke work.)

That’s the first half of my monologue.  If you want to hear the second half, you’ll have to find a sponsor to bring me back next month.
(A perfect closer.)

Public speakers can learn valuable lessons from watching the Super Bowl.

Humor Sells.  Advertisers sponsoring the dozens of ads must know something.  They’re spending $2,700,000 for a 30-second ad.  Two-thirds of the ads featured humor as the main hook.  Humor must sell.

Humor Creates Buzz.  Super Bowl ads have gained the reputation of being one of THE things to watch during the game!  Some people take their bathroom breaks during the game so they don’t miss the commercials.  The network even pointed you to a website where you could watch the commercials again or send your friends. 

Using the Topper.  Several of the commercials used the technique of adding a topper line, one final punchline, just when you thought it was over…another laugh line.  A good technique which keeps people watching.  In the list of best humor commercials below, the most notable topper ads are indicated in CAPS.

The Host Network Uses Humor Too.  Fox used humor in their commercials to promote their shows and tied them into the Super Bowl theme:  Prison Break, House (not included on the website summary), American Idol, Moment of Truth.

The Audience Feeds You Energy.  When speaking, the audience sends positive energy to you.  Note that the half-time entertainment which featured Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers brought hundreds (thousands?) of fans onto the field to stand in front of the stage, waving their arms in the air and singing.  It increased the audience connection of the performers many-fold.  An empty field in front of the stage would have been an energy draining void.  Never underestimate the power of the audience to energize your talks.

Top Humor Commercials On The 2008 Super Bowl:
1.  BUD LIGHT FIRE (1st quarter)  My favorite ad.
2.  Tide To Go (2nd quarter)  Bizarre, but I liked it.
3.  BUD LIGHT FLYING (3rd quarter)  Same joke theme as the Bud Light Fire commercial.
4.  BUD LIGHT ACCENTS (2nd quarter)  Used a running gag from one of last year’s top commercials.
5.  Planters Nuts (2nd quarter)
6.  Vitamin Water (3rd quarter)
7.  BUD LIGHT CAVEMEN (3rd quarter)
8.  ETrade Baby (3rd  quarter)
9.  Diet Pepsi Max (1st quarter)
10. Bridgestone squirrel (1st quarter)
11. Fed Ex (2nd quarter)
12. Toyota Corolla (2nd quarter)
13. GARMIN (2nd quarter)
14. Sobe (2nd quarter)
15. PEPSI STUFF (2nd quarter)
16. Etrade Balloon (4th quarter)

Related Posts:
Analysis of 2007 Super Bowl Ads
More Analysis of 2007 Super Bowl Ads
A Preview of 2007 Superbowl Ads

Here’s another Toastmasters Observational Humor monologue.

THE SET UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

1.  An evaluator commended a speaker for keeping the comments at the start of his talk “YOU focused.”

2.  A new member told us how to pronounce his unusual name.  He said he was from the Ukraine where his name is normal.

3.  During a segment on New Year’s resolutions, Gretchen told us of the exciting success of her new business.

4.  Bill Jacky told us this was the first New Years Eve in 20 years that he got eight hours of sleep.

5.  S (that’s his name) commented that he was amazed that Steve Pavlina’s solar watch worked at night.

6.  A name on the printed program agenda was misspelled.  Guy Burns was listed as Buy Burns. 

7.  A speaker referred to Bill Jacky as Bob Jacky.

8.  One of our members is named Mary Coon.

THE MONOLOGUE

I tried to think of a joke about a female sheep.  I wanted the Observational Humor to be EWE focused.
(Played with a sound-alike word.)

My name is K-I-N-D-E.  It’s pronounced KIN-DEE.  I’m from North Dakota where that’s a normal name.
(I compared my simple name with a complicated one, using the same pattern which had been previously used.)

I was motivated by Gretchen’s business success.  I made a resolution to move my business to her neighborhood.
(A simple joke, implying that WHERE her business was located was why it was successful.)

This New Years I couldn’t sleep a wink.  I couldn’t sleep with all of Bill Jacky’s snoring.
(Silly joke.  The very unexpected twist is what made it work so well.)

Steve’s solar watch works at night.  There’s a reason S and I didn’t understand that.  Steve has money.
(This piggybacked on somebody else’s observational humor.  My implication was that the cheap solar watch that S and I could afford would work only during daylight hours because we couldn’t affort a GOOD watch.)

And now Norwack The Magnificent.
(The answer-man delivery formula.  Answer first.  Followed by the question.)

The answer is:  Someone who would pay someone else to light them on fire.
And the question is:  Who would Buy Burns.
(During the meeting we had messed up two member’s names.  So I went looking for other play-on-names that I might use to turn it into a mini-list.)

The answer is:  A happy raccoon.
And the question is:  What is a Merry Coon.
(Again, playing with a homonym.)

The answer is:  Toastmaster Jacky and Toastmaster Lusk, if the moved to Buffalo, New York.
And the question is:  Who are the Buffalo Bills.  Asuming Bill Jacky doesn’t change his name to Bob.
(Simple joke with an observational topper.  Just when they think the joke is over, you lay on the second joke.)

The answer is:  Pets that salivate when you ring a bell.
And the question is:  What are Pavlina’s dogs.
(A simple association with Pavlov’s dogs.)

Let’s look at another monologue presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before I presented the observational humor monologue.)

1.  The Toastmaster of the Meeting critiqued someone for not staying at the front of the room after making an introduction, explaining that he should lead and continue the applause until the speaker reaches the front of the room and shakes hands with him.

2.  A subsequent speaker, when introduced, walked to the front of the room in slow motion, to extend the applause.  A good laugh.

3.  Andre, a first-time guest, told us that he was from Ukraine.  He also said that he was impressed with the quality of the meeting and would feel intimidated to be a member (said light-heartedly).

4.  In the past, I’ve used the Answer Man format to deliver humor (more on that later).  Johnny Carson used the role of Karnack to deliver this type of humor.  Since my roots are from Norway (the source of so many funny people), when I use this joke format, I perform it as Norwack.  It had been at least two years since I’ve used this format for Observational Humor at a Toastmasters meeting.  I’m comfortable with the format since I’ve written over a thousand custom Karnacks.  At this meeting, I made the choice to deliver the entire monologue in this format.

5.  At a Toastmasters Humor contest the previous week, the Contest Master (the MC who introduces the speakers, didn’t warm up the audience and went straight into the introductions.

6.  One of our club members gave a humorous speech about marriage where, several times, he repeated the phrase:  “I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.”

7.  A member gave a speech where he gave the statistic that each year smoking kills more people than WWII and the Vietnam War combined.

8.  A speaker who talked about effective openings referred to a great opening as “Smoking Opening.”

9.  A member gave a speech about being a substitute teacher for a remedial English class where her class had been totally out of control.

10.  Following the theme of the evening, our Toastmaster of the Evening (Gretchen), gave out apples to the speakers.

11.  Someone said that when women are pregnant they become more creative.

12.  Someone read a quote saying that the most important sixty-seconds of a speech are the sixty-seconds that occur after the speech ends.  That’s when people reflect on the meaning of the talk.

THE MONOLOGUE

(When introduced, I took a winding route to the front of the room.  It took me about 30 seconds to reach the Toastmaster of the Evening.)

Andre, the purpose of Observational Humor is to make jokes about our guests.  I just wanted you to be comfortable.
(Joke and a topper.  I didn’t create this joke because he was a GUEST, but because he had expressed how easy it was to be intimidated by a club like ours.)

Ladies and Gentleman…please welcome Norwack the Magnificent!
(This introduction setup the vehicle for the Answer Man format popularized by Steve Allen and Johnny Carson.  Most people wouldn’t immediately know what was to follow, but most would quickly understand the format once I started.  The format is a comedy-joke-sequence where the performer gives the answer first, followed by the question.  It’s a humorous, psychic-like routine.)

The answer is:  It’s a quote from the boring Humor Contest Master at last weeks contest.
And the question is:  What is, “I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.”
(The truth is, the Contest Master had not been described as BORING, but I took the liberty to exaggerate for the sake of the joke.)

The answer is:  It has killed more people than WWII and the Vietnam war combined.
And the question is:  What is a smoking opening.
(A silly connection that really doesn’t make sense.  But it was funny.)

The answer is:  A straight jacket.
And the question is:  What do you need to deal with crazy people and remedial English Students.
(An exaggeration is often a good humor trigger.)

The answer is:  They would be intimidated.
And the question is:  How would our club members feel if they knew that the entire meeting was to be conducted in Ukrainian.
(This is a reversal which puts the members in the supposed “uncomfortable” position, instead of the guest.)

The answer is:  The Wicked Witch and Gretchen. 
And the question is:  Name two people who give out apples.
(This type of set-up sets a form of tension when you link someone’s name to a famous, or especially an infamous, person.)

The answer is:  It’s what I do when I want to feel creative.
And the question is:  What is getting pregnant.
(A silly callback.)

The answer is:  The best part of my Observational Humor
And the question is:  What is the sixty-seconds after I stop talking.
(A perfect closer.  Self-deprecation.)

Here’s a short Observational Humor monologue presented at a Toastmasters meeting yesterday.

THE SET-UP (what was said and what happened before the monologue was presented)

1.  A speaker talking about sales presentations suggested pumping yourself up before a sales call by saying to yourself, “I like myself.  I like myself.  I like myself.”

2.  The grammarian introduced the Word Of The Day, CELEBRATE.  We were told that it was a transitive verb.  A couple of members indicated that they didn’t know the definition of Transitive Verb.

3.  A fire-safety engineer gave a speech on smoke control.  He specifically focused on smoke control in high-rise buildings.

4.  An evaluator, while suggesting that a speaker should had used more energy in his delivery, asked the question:  “Would an audience want to listen to that all day long?”

5.  Clark told the story of a boss who told him, on his first week on the job, “Come see me in two weeks and I’ll share with you the secret of success.”  Ten years later, he was still waiting to be told that secret.

THE MONOLOGUE

(as I was standing to speak) I like myself.  I like myself.  I like myself!
(I thought, why not pump myself up before my monologue.  Perfect opener.  Big laugh.)

When the Word Of The Day was introduced, I thought:  “What a strange word.”  Then I realized the word had an R.
(I got the laugh letting the audience figure out what that word was.  I knew that for some of them, that word had already crossed their mind, and I could tell from their reaction that I was right.  I needed to keep the structure short, and not too wordy.  The letter R needed to be at the very end of the joke.)

Until I realized that there was an R, I was thinking:  “Celebate…is that a transitive verb?”
(A topper.  And yes, it’s really spelled Celibate…but close enough for the sake of the joke.  Comic license.)

Let me give you a fire safety tip for the next time you check into a hotel.  Do what I do.  Always ask for a non-smoking room.
(A clean and simple connection which plays with a double meaning.)

I have to admit, I’ve often asked myself: “Would anyone want to listen to me all day long?”  And that’s why I don’t speak all day long!
(There is humor in the truth.  I’m not a high-energy speaker.  I normally only do speeches which are one hour in length.  Although my humor adds the audience appeal and energy…it works well to poke fun at yourself even if you’re exaggerating or stretching the truth.)

Clark, since you gave a humorous speech today, I’ll share with you the secret to using humor…if you’ll come see me in two weeks.
(A perfect closer.  I paused before the punchline, while actually feeling a need to rush it a bit because I felt the punchline was too obvious.  But the pause helped magnify the punchline and it was a perfect closer.  I think maybe a couple of people saw it coming, but most did not.  The risk is that someone would give the punchline before I did!  The trick is to just relax and listen for the rhythm of the audience response.)

Here’s an examination of an Observational Humor monologue presented at a Toastmasters meeting.

SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  An evaluator critiqued a speaker’s clasped-hand gestures.  “If we we stuck a daisy between your fingers and laid you on the table…you’d look dead!”  Big laugh.

2.  A new member gave a speech about his business which serves largely the Hispanic community.  The Spanish language became a running gag for a few speakers later in the meeting.

3.  The Grammarian had selected PLETHORA as the word-of-the-day.  The theme of the day was Being Big.  The Toastmaster of the Evening (MC), before he introduced the Grammarian to give the word-of-the-day, used the word PLETHORA.  He didn’t know it would be the word-of-the-day.  It was just a coincidence that he used it.

4.  The word PLETHORA was introduced, defined, and its Latin roots were mentioned.

5.  A speaker shared the story about Roger Bannister running the mile under four minutes.  In the year after that milestone event, 30 people ran the mile under four minutes.  The next year, 300 people broke the four minute barrier.

6.  A speaker shared that every time he would tell people he was going to do something, they’d usually say: “You’re crazy.”  He would then proceed to be wildly successful at it.

7.  A speaker told of her younger days when the hot jock at school, Bob Baxter (not the real name), wouldn’t “give her the time of day.”

8.  Randy, our Treasurer, told us that being the club Treasurer was an easy job.

9.  Randy, in a speech about the club’s history, praised long-time member Bill Lusk, who was not present (he arrived after the speech was over).  Randy said that Bill was the only person who could correct the facts in his speech.

10.  This was the meeting before Thanksgiving.  A couple of people mentioned what they were thankful for.

THE MONOLOGUE

If I don’t start talking…I’m going to look dead.
(Deadpan delivery.  The line worked for me since I’m a low-key, laid-back speaker.)

We should change our club name to Hablemos Espanol Toastmasters.
(Several call-backs to the Spanish language during the meeting set this up.)

You may not know it but Plethora, the Word-Of-The-Day, actually has Spanish roots.  It comes from PLET which means many and HORA which means hour.  It means many hours…or abundance.
(A gibberish definition.  Not true.  Just made it up for the laugh.)

Tonight was the first time in history that a Toastmaster of The Evening opened his remarks with the word PLETHORA.  In the next 12 months, that will happen 30 times.
(This was a perfect tie in.  The group was very amused that the TM had, just by chance, used the word.  The Roger Bannister comparison was perfect.)

I remember years ago when I told people I was going to become a humorist.  They said:  “You’re crazy!”  That’s why I’m so good at it.
(Joke and a topper.  Big laugh.)

I ran into Bob Baxter last week.  I asked him:  “What time is it?”  And he gave me the time of day.
(Plays with the double meaning of “gave me the time of day.”  It got a bigger laugh than I expected.)

Randy told us the truth.  Being treasurer is an easy job.  I’m treasurer of the National Speakers Association Chapter.  All I have to do is:  Collect the money.  Deposit the money.  And go to the roulette wheel.
(An easy triplet.  A good laugh.)

Bill Lusk was late today.  Actually he wasn’t planning on coming, but his ears were burning.  And he needed to be here to correct the facts in Randy’s speech.
(A good connection between a speech and a late arrival.  Joke.  Topper.  Excellent laugh.)

In closing, I’m thankful…that you laughed at my jokes!
(A good closer.)