Archive for the 'Case Studies' Category

Observational Humor — Case Study #159

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a TM meeting.

The Set-up (what happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

  1. George said that I had the style of Jack Benny.
  2. The name of the club is Pro Toastmasters.
  3. Tim mentioned that he used to live in North Las Vegas, and pointed North.  Then he realized that he had pointed East and corrected himself by pointing North.
  4. A speaker referred to diseases which she made up, by attaching an “itis” to the end of a word.
  5. A speaker said that a certain activity would make you prettier
  6. Clubs used to do invocations to open the meetings.
  7. A speaker said that he was a runner.
  8. Tim gave a speech and several people commented that they liked the way he exposed his emotions during the talk.
  9. Our meeting location has a guard desk at the entrance.
  10. A speaker talked about doing something difficult by taking a deep breath and then counting to three. And then adding; I Guarantee You Won’t Regret it.
  11. A speaker said she has two phones in her shower.

The Monologue

Well.

(In my best Jack Benny style, which isn’t great, I placed my hand on my cheek and did a slow glance to my left.)

You had many choices tonight and thank you for coming here.  In fact you had several choices of TM clubs.  You have clubs that focus on politics, on guns, on health care.  One of the activist clubs is called Protest Masters.

(Protest Masters isn’t a real club, but it has a sound-alike connection with our club Pro Toastmasters.)

Tonight I realized that Tim knows sign language.   He was telling us that he lived in North Las Vegas.

I noticed that, in his pointing gesture trying to illustrate North, he showed his confusion.  So I pointed in one direction and then in another.)

I have Humoritis.  It makes me prettier.  Can you tell?

(Makes the odd connection of Humor to Pretty.  And then I added a tag line.)

It seems to me that we still need invocations.  We will need prayer as long as we have Table Topics.

(Callback to prayer in the meeting and linking it to the challenge of Table Topics.)

I am a runner.  But since I’m in the Witness Protection Program, part of my disguise is a walker.

(Plays with the word WALKER in contrast to RUNNER.)

Tim, I agreed with the evaluator comments. My favorite part of your speech was where you exposed yourself.

(Played with the double meaning of EXPOSE.)

Although it’s not on the agenda, at the end of the meeting we are all going to streak the guard desk.

First we’ll take a deep breath and count to three.  I guarantee you won’t regret it.  And as usual, the guests always go first.

(This tied the EXPOSE reference to the guard desk which everybody saw when they arrived for the meeting.  I then did a call back with deep breath and count to three.  And then set the rule that guests go first, implying that we always do it in that order.  And suggesting that members will go after the guests.  Yeah sure.  The final tag line got a huge laugh.)

I have two phones in my shower.  A land line in case I fall in the shower.  And a video phone in case I get a call from a heavy breather.  (Applied reasons for my two phones, the first one logical.  The second one absurd.)

Observational Humor — Case Study #158

Saturday, November 4th, 2017

It has been awhile since I published an Observational Humor monologue.  Here’s one I presented at the Las Vegas NSA chapter meeting in October 2017.

THE SET-UP

To help you understand the jokes, here is what happened and what was said during the meeting, before the monologue was presented. With an Observational joke, You had to be there.  This set-up information will give you a small touch of what it was like to be there.

  1. Mike Rayburn shared advice he got from a comedy entertainer.  Never open your set or program with “How is everybody doing today?”  That is an irrelevant question and a weak opening line.
  2. Marvelous Marv, a high-energy entertainer, Introduced me as a Humorist.
  3. Featured speaker, Ed Scannell, made a point with  a drawing that looked like an old lady or a young lady, depending how you looked at it.
  4. In his role as emcee, Marv did a costume change during the meeting, changing coats.
  5. Marilyn Sherman presented a session on how to write a book in 2 weeks. One of her resources was 48HourBooks.com.
  6.  Both Ed and Marilyn had books available at the back of the room to support their high-content programs.
  7. Marilyn showed us one of her husband’s books on the subject of wine.  He is no longer in the wine business and they have boxes of wine books in their store room.   She offers free wine books to members of her audiences, if they buy one of her books.
  8. Marv told a cat joke.  “If you throw a cat out a car window do you have kitty litter?”

THE MONOLOGUE

How is everybody doing today?

(A great opener. A callback to something said earlier. When a speaker says don’t do this,  I will search for a funny way to do it.  In this case it was perfect as an opening line.  It took the audience a beat to realize it was a joke, but they did catch on and we had a big laugh.  I was sure that this was a time-released joke, one that will get a delayed response.  As such I needed for everyone to hear the line.  When I first stood up, people were talking about something that had been said, which was not related to my opening line.  So I waited 5-10 seconds until I had their attention.)

When I was introduced as a Humorist, I know many of you were thinking: “This guy is going to be funny?  Are you kidding?”  Sure I don’t look funny.  I’m in the witness protection program.

(I was addressing the obvious. That I don’t look funny.  I’m saying what everybody was thinking, acknowledging the elephant in the room, which is a good way to open.  This was even more important because our emcee was so dynamic, and that provided a contrast to my low-energy style.  And self-deprecation is a safe and funny route to getting a laugh.

But you could have figured out that I would be funny.   When I turn my head to the right I look like a Humorist.  When I turn my head to the left, look like an old lady.

(A call back to Ed Scannel’s old/young lady drawing.)

Did you notice that Marvelous Marv changed coats during the program?  If not you probably also didn’t notice that I also had a costume change during the program.  When I was told that I would be delivering the wrap up humor at the end of the meeting, I had to change my underwear. 

(The set-up was magnified by the superiority theory of humor, where the listener feels superior if they get the joke.  Most of the audience remembered the coat change earlier in the meeting. That made it more likely that they would feel they were part of the experience, take ownership of the joke, and feel it was funnier.  The joke trigger of absurdity is also in play, suggesting that my nerves would require a change of underwear.  And parallel construction which might suggest that one change of clothes mandates another, made the punchline even stronger.)

I’m working on my first book.  I’m using the web site: 35YearBooks.com

(A callback with a switch which implied that I’ve been working on a book for a long time.  The truth is funny, I’ve written over 2000 pages in the past 35 years, but I haven’t published.  That leads us to the “Me too” experience.  A shared common experience is funny.  Once again parallel construction.  My resource web site had a twist, but was the same in structure. I’m not making fast progress on my book and admitting that to the audience is self-deprecation.)

I won’t have any books at the back of the room, but I will be selling coffins with USB Bar Codes for speakers who die with their book still inside them.

(Twisting a cliché into a joke.  Don’t die with your book still inside you.)

My book will be on humor skills.  By the time I get around to publishing it, I won’t be funny any more.  So the book will be free if you buy one of Marilyn’s  books.  

(Parallel construction with Marilyn’s story.)

I heard a joke. If you throw a cat out the car window, do you have kitty litter?  No.  Not unless you do it NINE times.

(Marv’s joke used the technique of “the set-up question is the punchline.”  It’s essentially a joke without a clearly defined punchline.  The audience heard the question.  The audience awaits the answer.  When none is provided,  the expectation builds tension.  They think Oh I get it, and they fill in the blank themselves. The superiority theory of humor kicks in as the quicker audience members get the joke.  Later, I then grabbed the opportunity to add a punchline, although none was needed, and by doing that to break the tension.  I answered the question by playing with a cliché.   A cat has nine lives.

Remember that you take Observational Humor notes not for the purpose of giving a monologue.  You do it to find that gem, a single joke, that will breathe fresh air into your talk.  Humor is a numbers game. Double the number of jokes you write and the one joke you will use will be twice as funny.

 

Observational Humor — Case Study #156

Saturday, June 24th, 2017

It’s time for an Observational Humor monologue presented at at the end of a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (Providing what happened during the meeting to help you make sense of the jokes.)

1. We had several guests who were young, intelligent and good looking.

2. A guest named Pedi looked like a sophisticated Spanish model with long hair.

3. A speaker said that TM training can teach you sales skills, how to get a date, and how to talk your way out of a traffic ticket.

4. Toastmasters was founded by Ralph Smedley.

5. A guest named Kevin used his cell phone to provide extra light for me after I said that the lights were too dim for me to read my notes.

6. The Toastmaster of the evening made up a speaker introduction because the speaker failed to provide a written introduction.

THE MONOLOGUE

If our guests join our club tonight they will lower our average age, increase our average intelligence, and make us a better looking club.

(This is a self-deprecation joke. It implies that our club members are older than our guests. Less intelligent. Less good looking. Plus it flatters the guests. I would us these comments only if they had a ring of truth, so that the remarks didn’t sound patronizing.)

I don’t know much about Pedi, but I’m sure that he drives a car with soft Corinthian leather.

(Implies that he had the sophisticated look of Ricardo Mantalban. The line got a big laugh.)

Information for our guests, TM training can teach you how to get a date with a traffic cop.

You may have noticed that three people here are known by their initials: JR, TJ and JR. And I am JK.

We encourage people to go by their initials because when we print the agendas it uses less ink.

As a result of tonight’s performance, Melanie receives the Smedley Award for best Toastmaster of the Evening. JR receives the award for best General Evaluator, And the Smedley award for best lighting director goes to Kevin.

(This got a much bigger laugh than I expected. The rule-of-three probably helped. And the fact that a guest stepped in to provide lighting for a speaker was unusual enough to make it a memorable beat.)

(I suggested a couple of opening comments for a speaker who forgot to bring a written, prepared speaker introduction.

1. I remembered to bring my written introduction, but I forgot to give it to the Toastmaster. So I’ll read it to you now: The next speaker needs no introduction.

2. I must say, that was the best introduction I never wrote.)

Observational Humor — Case Study #155

Saturday, June 24th, 2017

It’s time for an Observational Humor monologue presented at at the end of an NSA chapter meeting.

THE SET-UP (Providing what happened during the meeting to help you make sense of the jokes.)

1. The majority of the speakers for the meeting had names starting with J and three of them were named John. The featured speaker, Lois Creamer, was from out of town.

2. The meeting was held on Mother’s Day weekend. The Chapter encouraged people to bring their Mothers to the meeting.

3. In the past, Judy Moreo had introduced herself as OREO with an M in front of it.

4. The chapter President was John Getter. The President Elect was Amber De La Garza.

5. Judy Moreo mentioned the use of “screamers” who meet celebrities at the airport, screaming and shouting, “Oh look! It’s Judy Moreo.”

THE MONOLOGUE

You may be wondering how you get a speaking slot for one of our meetings. If you look at the program, it’s obvious. Judi Moreo opened, and she was great. Other speaking parts on the program went to John Getter, John Polish, John Kinde. You need a name that starts with a J…And bonus points if your name is John. And Lois Creamer…If your name doesn’t start with a J…you have to be from out of town.

And what a great idea…bring your Mother on Mother’s Day. I should have brought my Mom. Her name is June…and she’s from out of town. She could have been on the program. She’ll be upset that I didn’t bring her.

Speaking at next month’s program will be Amber De La Garza, Angelina Jolie, Alec Baldwin, an Abe Lincoln impersonator, and me. For the next 12 months I’m moving out of town and I’m changing my name to Alice.

Again, my name is John Kinde. That’s like OREO…with KINDE in front of it…and the OREO is silent. I flew to an engagement last month and when I arrived at the airport, the screamers were waiting fof me. They started shouting, “Oh look, it’s John Kinde Oreo.”

The Paul Lynde Show

Friday, April 21st, 2017

The Paul Lynde Show is playing afternoons at Bally’s Las Vegas. It’s a fun show and I recommend it.  Impersonator Michael Arington plays Lynde in a show which is mostly biographical. Arington has the voice and the gestures mastered. He brings Lynde back to life, sharing perspectives on how society has changed during the last 35 years. And we get a performer’s perspective on the challenges of being a success in show business. One of my favorite segment themes showed us what it would be like if Lynde had auditioned for parts in famous movies, playing well-known scenes seasoned with Lynde’s campy style: Jaws, Deliverance, The Graduate, Love Story, and more. He expanded a Titanic scene, bringing an audience member to play a scene on stage with him. Well connected with the audience, he engaged several audience members in the show, and kept the show fresh with a number of callbacks resulting from his chatting with the audience. We shared his successes in life, Bye Bye Birdie, Bewitched, Hollywood squares…and his challenges and career low points. One-liners from his center-square performances on Hollywood Squares were sprinkled throughout the show. Never a lack of laughs. The show had the added professional touch of a keyboard player, a bass player, and a drummer. Bally’s is located on the corner of Flamingo and LV Boulevard.  This is a three-minute synopsis of a 75 minute show. Take a friend. You will enjoy yourself. Don’t miss it.

Observational Humor — Case Study #153

Tuesday, November 15th, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We will provide you with the set-up, the joke, and a comment on what made the joke work.

THE SET-UP (To help you understand the context of the jokes, we will share with you what happened and what was said during the meeting, before the monologue was delivered.)

1. Our NSA Chapter President gave a speech introducing himself to the chapter while also sharing an inspirational message. He said the title of his talk was, “Let’s talk about John Getter.”

2. The President’s speech included photographs from his childhood. “I started out as a child.” He told us he played the violin, but that did not qualify him to be in the marching band.

3. Our featured speaker was Mike Staver. He suggested when we try to catch fish we go fishing…so when we try to catch a cow, why don’t we go cowing?

4. A speaker noted that the meeting room was set up nicely. He pointed out that there were several speakers hanging from the ceiling.

5. Members were reminded to check in with Rocky first thing in the morning.

6. We had a guest from Switzerland. He was introduced as the “person who came the furthest.”

7. Laura gave a workshop-style program. Half-way through the program she said it was time to debrief.

8. Our featured speaker told of being on a weightlessness-training aircraft. When they went into wrightless mode, most trainees either giggled or they lost their lunch.

THE MONOLOGUE

We were concerned about whether we would have time to do my meeting wrap up. Next month I will be sitting in the front row instead of the back row. That should save us about 10 minutes.

And now…let’s talk about John Kinde.

I started out as a child. (I showed a drawing of a stick figure character. I always have three types of pens; ball point, magic marker, and a heavier felt marker. That allows me to create visuals and speaking notes.)

In middle-school I played the violin (Drawing of a stick-figure orchestra.)

Then I joined the marching band. (stick figure marching band with one person playing the violin.)

On weekends we went cowing. (Stick figure of man with fishing pole with a cow on the hook.)

I’m moving slow today. Part of that is due to the walker. However, most of it is me.

But being slow opens new career opportunities to me. I go a job at Madame Tussaud’s wax museum. I was Mr Rogers. They told me I was almost life like. (Self-deprecation.)

But enough about me.

(Call-back phrase,)

I know that an audience at a stimulating meeting like this will have some questions.

I’ll give you the answer first and then share the question. (This is a set up for using the answer-man or Carnack format as a vehicle for humor.)

The answer is: Sneaking past Rocky before the meeting starts.

And the question is: How do you become a speaker hanging from the ceiling?

***

The answer is: Visit the NSA chapter in Geneva Switzerland.

The question is: How do you get recognized as the person who came the furthest?

***

The answer is: I thought… I’m glad I didn’t wear boxers today.

The question is: What crossed your mind when Laura said, We are now going to debrief.

(Playing with double-word meaning.)

***

The answer is: It’s when you are watching John Kinde’s humor.

The question is: What are you doing when half the people around you are giggling. And the other half are throwing up. (Self-deprecation.)

Observational Humor — Case Study #151

Sunday, September 25th, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

First, we will share the set-up to each joke, what happened and what was said before the monologue was presented.
We will then share the jokes and give a brief comment on why the joke was funny.

THE SET-UPS

1. The meeting featured our annual Humorous Speech contest and evaluation contest.

2. Rebecca, a guest speaker, was incorrectly introduced as
Rachel.

3. Rebecca told us about her “Elvis” wedding.

4. Don Rickles is a famous insult-style comedian.

5. The wedding program included a dancing girl wearing
coconuts.

6. The wedding limo refused to take 12 people.  Their
limit was 10.

7. The photos from the wedding were stamped “Do Not Copy.”

8. A member introduced himself as Bond—James Bond.

9. Bond paper us a high-quality paper often used for letterheads.
It is heavier than lower-quality paper, and it could contain
cotton fiber to give it a crisp texture and feel.

10. A member said that Bill, a humor contestant, was her
husband’s favorite comic speaker.  Then as an after-thought
she added “After John Kinde, of course.”

THE MONOLOGUE

It was great having Rebecca join us this evening.  In the
Witness Protection Program she is known as Rachel.

(The mis-introduction of her name  had gotten a good laugh.
That made it a good trigger for a joke later in the meeting.)

The Elvis Wedding sounds like fun. Did you know that they
also have a “Don Rickles divorce package.”

(I asked myself, “What is the opposite of a feel-good Elvis
wedding?”  I provided the answer, a divorce ceremony themed
after an insult comic.)

If I had known Rebecca was speaking tonight I would have
worn my coconuts.

( A silly comment and picture for the mind.)

We had 12 people show up for tonight’s meeting.  The Fire
Marshal sent two of them home.

(A joke structure which paralleled the limo experience.)

Rebecca, I’ll give you a copy of my speech evaluation notes.
But notice that they are stamped “Do Not Copy.”

(A call-back on the silly side, but effective.  A good laugh.)

We don’t have any trophies tonight, but we do have nice
Certificates of Participation printed on Bond—24 lb cotton
content Bond.

(Name play linking to the thought of Bond paper.)

This would have been joke 007, but it was classified .

(Pretended the censor was at work again.)

I have the reputation for being funny, but only funny enough to
be a footnote.

(Self-Deprecation.  Being a complimentary afterthought was funny.)

I’ve already shared 10 observations with you.  The censors are shutting me down.

(A call back to the limit of 10.  Implies that 11 – 12 hitting the cutting-room floor.)

Observational Humor — Case Study #150

Sunday, September 18th, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

First, we will look at the set-up to give you
a sense of being there.  Then I will share the joke and why it
was funny.

Are you making Observational Humor a part of your club meeting?
If so write me a note to tell me what the experience is like,
and I’ll share your use of Observational Humor with our readers.

THE SETUP (What happened and what was said during the meeting
before the monologue was delivered.)

1. The Word-of-the-Day was temerity.

2. Georgia uses a walker and we often joke about racing each other.

3. Sherri said that she printed the agenda on whatever paper she
could find

4. Georgia was our timer and while expaining her function to the
guests, she said “We time everything.”

5. We have more than one body builder in the club. They turn any
shirt into a “muscle shirt.”

6. A speaker talked about buying stock and entering he bond market.

7. A speaker said you become successful in business by making good
choices.  And you learn to make good choices by making bad choices.

8. A speaker said that she wrote a country song: I’m not feeling
funny when my nose is runny.

THE MONOLOGUE

Tonight I had the temerity to wear shorts to a Toastmasters meeting .

(Many Toastmaster clubs are somewhat formal and would frown on
wearing shorts to a meeting.  However it’s hot in Las Vegas during
the summer and some people wear shorts.)

Another Olympics has passed and once again I have not beaten Georgia in the 100 meter dash.

(The Olympics had just ended.  It tied in with our walker running-gag
joke.)

Sherri didn’t tell you how close she came to printing the agenda on toilet paper.

(Using the principle of extrapolation.  One odd paper choice leads
to another more unusual choice.)

Georgia said that we time everything.  You know that’s true if you
visited the restroom.  Because of that, for efficiency, we sometimes DO print the agenda on toilet paper.

(Used exaggeration and absurdity to link the timing of all functions
to include restroom activities.  And then did a call-back providing
a topper which linked to the printing of the agenda. Nice structure.)

My function tonight is to show you what a muscle shirt looks like
without the muscles.

(Self-deprecation and the obvious is funny.)

If you do stock humor, you run the risk of entering the bomb market.

(A call-back and the use of a sound-alike word.)

Speaking of bombing.  You learn humor skills by making bad choices.

(Not very funny but a nice call-back.)

Your country song reminds me of the one: If my nose was running
money…I’d blow it all on you.

(One joke reminded me of another.  A good closer.)

Observational Humor — Case Study #147

Friday, July 15th, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

THE SETUP What happened or what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.

1. A member said that speaking at a Toastmasters Club is not about perfection, it’s about growth.

2. Jesse Oakley, a well-known, popular Toastmaster arrived at the meeting 20 minutes late. He is Jesse Oakley the third and tags iii onto his name (Jessie Oakley eye eye eye)

3.  I evaluated Stan’s speech.

4. Stan works out at the gym and has huge muscles. He was wearing a tight fitting muscle shirt.

5. A speaker was introduced as Mr Dependability

6. Bobby commented that President Obama was ranking high in popularity at the end of his term. He noted that as his term ended for club President, he was also expecting to be popular.

7. Bill Parker said he felt like he was being forced to ride in the back of the bus.

8. Bobby said that he likes Bill, because when Bill says something, he means it.

9. Bill and Sherri attend the meeting with Sheri’s Mother, Georgia.

THE MONOLOGUE

Mr Toastmaster.   Fellow Toastmasters. And the Late Jesse Oakley, iii

(I used the formal opening often used by Toastmasters, a triplet ending with Jesse’s name. I have used the “Late” gag before, but not with this group. Good response.)

And now it’s time for perfection.

(Self-Aggrandizement works well in moderation and if the audience knows you well)

I enjoyed evaluating Stan’s speech tonight. We have something in common. We both are wearing muscle shirts. And one of us has muscles.

(Self deprecation. Big laugh.)

I’ve never been called Mr Dependability. Although I was once voted to be Miss Congeniality.

(Self deprecation. Absurdity. Good response.)

This club is known for its large number of dependable members. The majority of its members wear depends.

(Absurdity. Funny connection)

Bobby is one of my few friends who have the popularity of Donald Trump.

(Bobby is a universally well-liked guy. The absurd switch to Trump received a good laugh.)

I was excited when Bill said that he liked me. Because I knew that tonight he meant it.

(Combined two observations from the meeting.)

Bill said that felt that he was riding in the back of the bus tonight. That’s why his nickname is Rosa Parker.

(The line occurred to me because of the similarity of his last name, Parker, to Rosa Parks.)

Bill and Sherri Parker Attend Toasmasters meetings with Sherri’s Mother, Georgia. When a club is fortunate to have them as guests it’s like giving a three-for-one coupon.

(Two-fer coupons are common and popular in Las Vegas.)

Many of you probably don’t realize that Georgia is in the witness protection program where her last name is Hippie. Depending on how well you know her, you can refer to her as Georgia or as Mrs Hippie (Mississippi). ii ii

(I’ve known Georgia for over ten years and the connection between Georgia and Mississippi had never occurred to me until that night. It also allowed me to bookend the monologue, opening with iii and closing with ii ii. A strong closing.)

Observational Humor — Case Study #144

Thursday, February 18th, 2016

Here is another monologue presented at the end of a meeting. The jokes were the result of paying attention to what was happening during the meeting and then looking for connections which were humorous and not expected by the audience.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1. A speaker quoted a bible verse.

2. A speaker was wearing a shirt with a slogan on it: Why not today?

3. The meeting was held in a church which had the slogan: “Church for people who don’t like church.

4. A speaker said to the audience, “You’re the best audience I’ve had in a long time…and I don’t say that to every audience. Well, maybe I do.”

5. I have joked in the past that the only celebrity I look like is Mr
Rogers.

6. A speaker said that his alarm wakes him up every morning at 5:00 am.

7. I was using a walker.

8. One of the members attending the meeting looked like Hillary
Clinton.

9. A speaker said, “If you don’t market yourself you become invisible.”

10. A speaker said, “Get a coach. A good coach isn’t cheap, but is a
good investment.”

THE MONOLOGUE

The bible refers to the quick and the dead. I am neither.
(Self deprecation. I often joke about being slow.)

I speak on procrastination. I have a book titled “Why Not Tomorrow?”
(A call back with a twist. It was set up nicely during the self
introductions when the man wearing the Why-not-today shirt
commented on his shirt.)

I do humor for people who don’t like laughter.
(Twisting the theme of the church to relate it to what I do, in a joking way. It could be received as an absurd statement or it could be implying that people don’t laugh at my jokes, self-deprecation.)

As a group you have the best sense of humor. And I don’t say that to every group.
(A call back.)

I’m now working nights at Madam Tsuaad’s Wax Museum. I’m performing as a sculpture of Mr Rogers. Tourists say I’m almost life like.
(Self-deprecation about my low-energy style.)

Every day my alarm goes off at 5…pm…after my afternoon nap.
(Switching am for pm.)

Women like men who are funny. Women like men who are tall. Women like men who use walkers. I made that up.
(Making fun of my walker, something obvious.)

We have a special guest today. Would you please stand, Hillary Clinton.
(I like to recognize people in the audience without coordinating with
them. In this case, I was taken by surprise when the look-alike had left the meeting early.)

To wrap things up: Two tips to help you understand the speaking business:
(Bringing closure to the monologue.)

Not being funny is being invisible.
(Twisting an earlier phrase to tie it into my humor theme.)

Know that funny speeches aren’t cheap…and cheap speeches aren’t funny.
(Another example of twisting words to fit my theme.)