Humor Power

Here is the analysis of another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1. Impromptu speech topics were based on the titles of several books. One of the members assigned a topic, opened his comments with: “Thank you Oprah.” A reference to Oprah’s book club.

2. One speaker acknowledged the audience as, “club members…pretty and otherwise.”

3. In an impromptu speech, Greg suggested that someone might give him a kiss.

4. Our emcee for the evening’s program was Al Jensen. He was introduced three times by: “Let’s welcome Al Jensen to the floor.”

5. Al was wearing a loud floral-print shirt.

6. The carpet in the room had a bold-print pattern.

7. Bill Lusk, our most senior member, gave a speech on racing cars. He said that because of racing, he was actually getting younger.

8. We were celebrating the presentation of our Member of the Year Award with refreshments.

9. A speaker talked about prescription medications.

THE MONOLOGUE

Fellow Toastmasters, Guests, and Oprah. (A call-back and the rule-of-three.)

It’s time for your Observations. Here’s the opportunity to present your humor…funny and otherwise. (PRETTY AND OTHERWISE provided a fill-in-the-blank call-back. The fill-in becomes BLANK AND OTHERWISE. When we change MEMBERS into HUMOR, it provides a strong punchline FUNNY AND OTHERWISE. Good structure. Excellent response.)

I’m now going to present my Observational Humor, unless someone is willing to give Greg a kiss…I didn’t think so. (A call-back. Another missed chance to give Greg a kiss. Also, it also sounded like delivering my monologue was a threat. Then a topper: “I didn’t think so.”)

We welcomed Al Jensen to the floor more than once tonight. When Al is on the floor, it’s important to point it out…because with the shirt he’s wearing, he blends in with the carpet.   (Poking fun at the stuffy language of “welcoming to the floor” and linking the loud shirt with the carpet.)

Bill is getting younger. That’s good news. By my calculations, in five more years, I’ll be the senior member of this club. (Stating the fact that next to Bill, I’m one of the most senior members in our club. Implies that I’m excitedly waiting to move up the ladder.)

Good attendance tonight. Our attendance secret…it’s a piece of cake…or a cookie. (Implying that people came to the meeting just for the cake and cookies.)

Is your poor sense of humor getting you down? The solution is the magic pill…John Kinde’s HUMORISHA. It will change your life. Side effects include: Weight Loss, Depression, Bleeding from the Lungs, and Brain Seizures. If you’re funny for more than four hours…see your doctor. If you are having problems paying for your medication… Get a Job. (An ad parody provided a surprisingly substantial and strong closer. The last line, while not PC, was a twist on the typical script for a pharmaceutical ad. It got a HUGE laugh.)

I attended an excellent humor workshop presented by Dawn Elizabeth.  She was fine-tuning her workshop which was to be presented at the upcoming District 33 Conference.  Before the workshop started, Dawn asked me if I would present some Observational Humor halfway though the meeting, to demonstrate how to create fresh humor making funny connections. 

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the workshop before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  Dawn opened the workshop asking the audience what they would like to learn about humor as a result of attending the workshop.  Someone said, “Learning to understand John Kinde’s humor.”

2.  Before the workshop started, everybody in the room did a brief self-introduction.

3.  The workshop was hosted by Lunatics Toastmasters Club.  The meeting started at 1:00 pm.

4.  The meeting was held in a clubhouse inside a gate-protected community.  We were given the gate code with the note that we were to press just the number provided, no symbols (referring to the asterisk and pound sign).

5.  Dawn shared the technique of creating humor in your stories by using character dialogue.

6.  We had to park on the far side of the building and had a hard time finding an entrance door that was unlocked.

7.  Our District leader Jesse Oakley III (the THIRD, but Jesse has used it to brand himself by referring to it as I-I-I).  We met Jesse outside and he joined us in our search for an unlocked door.

8.  My friend, Loren Ekroth, said in his self-introduction that he and I were from Duluth and that he was my uncle, neither of which is true.

9.  The Grammarian introduced the word-of-the-day:  Avant Garde.  She specifically commented on how she was having a hard time reading the word-of-the-day announcement

10.  Dawn illustrated humor points with a joke:  Men want women to be like underwear.  They like support with a bit of freedom.

THE MONOLOGUE

I’m still waiting to understand John Kinde.
(A good call back.  Self deprecation.)

They told me that if I attended today, by the end of the workshop, I’d be funny.
(This line was not actually part of the monologue.  I used it at the opening of the meeting when it was my turn for my self-introduction.  A very big laugh, which was made possible because I was well known by the audience as a humor speaker.  If the audience had not known me, the joke would not have worked.)

It’s really strange…this afternoon I’m attending Lunatics Toastmasters.  And last night I was attending the Solar-tics Toastmasters.
(I played with the Lunatics name, implying that it came from the root MOON.  I linked MOON with DAY and SOLAR with NIGHT.  There is no Solar-tics club.  I used a humor license to make it up.)

I had a hard time finding the meeting location today.  Carolyn provided me with gate code information.  When we pulled up to the gate, I handed the instructions to Alex and told him I didn’t need them…I had memorized the procedure to get through the gate.  I punched in 0813 and crashed my cymbals.  The gate didn’topen.  Alex said, “You’re doing it wrong.  The code is 0813 with no symbols.”
(When I saw Carolyn’s instructions of NO SYMBOLS, I immediately pictured myself crashing cymbals.  The triggers at work are: 
  – Sound alikes.
  – An act-out of physically demonstrating the crash of cymbals.
  – The use of dialogue.
The joked worked well.)

That was funny because Alex provided the punchline using dialogue.
(A call back to the use of dialogue in comedy.)

Then when we got to the clubhouse, every door seemed to be locked.  We ran into Jesse, our next District Governor, even our distinguished leader couldn’t find an open door.  Thankfully we didn’t have President Obama helping us to get in.
(The trigger was asking WHAT IF:  I noted that we couldn’t get in.  Even our District leader had a hard time finding an open door.  Imagine WHAT IF President Obama were helping us, how difficult it would be.)

I think it’s odd how Jesse has become our district leader…because there is no “I” in TEAM.
(The cliche, “There is no I in TEAM” provided a perfect punchline.  A huge laugh.  “Jessie Oakley I-I-I” had been repeated dozens of times over the past several years.  This repetition provided a very strong set-up for the joke.)

Deluth is a place where your uncle can also be your father.  In Deluth I’m known as the Man From Uncle.  It’s great to see my Dad here today.
(I’m not from Deluth.  But Loren joked that I was, so I went with it.  I made a reference to an old TV show The Man From Uncle.  I noticed the audience was old enough that I thought they would remember the show.  A good laugh, the joke worked.)

You’ve probably noticed that Dawn is taller than most people here today.  That’s why she is so funny.  You probably also noticed that I’m taller than Dawn.
(Dawn is tall.  Dawn is funny.  I implied that she is funny BECAUSE she is tall.  This set me up for a topper, which was a reverse-self-deprecation line, implying that I am funnier than Dawn.)

A suggestion to improve the flow of your meeting.  I would suggest having the Word Of The Day announcement printed in Braille.
(This is the only joke I dropped out of the monologue…by accident.)

A woman is like underwear.  Like a boxer I know she will eventually punch me.  I just want it to be brief.
(Another joke using Boxers/Briefs.  Different than the original joke.  Not the funniest line, but it was good for a laugh.)

After the meeting we’re all going to the Avant Garden Italian Restaurant.
(I thought Avant Garden sounded enough like Olive Garden, if I said it fast.  The joke worked, getting a good laugh.)

This has been an exciting humor workshop.  To open the program, the audience provided the overview (pointing at the flip chart).  I’m filling in the middle of the program.  And I can’t wait to see who among us will close the program.
(The humor trigger at work is exaggeration.  The members of the audience were NOT creating the bulk of the program, I just implied that they were doing that for the sake of the humor.  I was also using the humor technique of EXTRAPOLATION to arrive at a punchline:  This is what opened the program.  This is what’s happening in the middle of the program.  And this must be what will happen at the end of the program.  I was able to say if A happened, then B happened, obviously C will happen.)

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting:

THE SETUP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  I was introduced by the General Evaluator.

2.  While delivering impromptu speech topics, two members role-played as Superman and Batman.

3.  In his speech, Scott named two mentors.  Bill was one.  I was one.  He said that Bill was tough on him.

4.  I’m normally casually dressed when I attend meetings.  That night, Ryan was very casually dressed…shorts, TShirt, sandals.

5.  A speaker talked about family names and what a translation of a family name said about a person’s ancestors.

6.  Greg gave a humorous speech about relationships.  He talked about his wife and ex-wives.  He talked about meeting a woman who had features he was not normally attracted to.  He talked about meeting a woman with a deep voice.

THE MONOLOGUE

Mr General Evaluator, Superman, Batman…I am the Joker…and it’s time for Observational Humor.
(As the assigned leader of Observational Humor for the meeting, it allowed me to do a couple of character call-backs and link it to a character for myself, the Joker, which fit my role as Observational Humor Master.  It served as a good transition to the humor part of our meeting.)

Scott…hit the floor for 50 push-ups.  And you thought Bill was tough on you.
(Role reversal placed me as the tough mentor.  Good laugh.)

I’d like to thank Ryan for making me feel over-dressed.
(Almost a running gag.  I’m frequently doing self-deprecation at the informal way I dress.  So it was a reversal pointing out that Ryan was more casually dressed than I was.  From a humor standpoint, it was a double-plus that he was our club President and that he was well liked.  You normally have more permission to poke fun at authority figures.  And roast-like lines play best when directed at popular people.)

My family name suggests that my ancestors were Kind.
(Weakest line of the monologue.)

I met an attractive woman at the store today:
  – She was short.  I’m normally attracted to tall women.
  – She was a brunette.  I’m normally attracted to red heads.
  – She had a deep voice.  I’m not normally attracted to Greg’s wives.
(Very strong closing line using the Rule-of-Three.  When Greg mentioned the deep-voiced woman he got a big laugh, so that provided a trigger for my joke suggesting that he married deep-voiced women.  Very big laugh.)

 Here is another Observational Humor monologue.  First I’ll provide the set-ups for the jokes, and then an analysis of what makes the jokes work.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting, before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  A scheduled speaker arrived at the meeting unprepared to give his speech.   They asked him to give it anyway.  It was introduced as an off-the-cuff speech.

2.  The theme of the meeting was:  Politics As Usual.

3.  The first three speeches were touching stories that brought tears to the eye.

4.  A blonde member joked about the stereotype of blondes not being too bright.

5.  The emcee of the evening shared a list of how different political groups would handle the situation of having only two cows.  For example:  A Bureaucratic Government would take both your cows, shoot one of them, milk the other, pour half the milk down the drain, and sell the rest of it at triple the price.

6.  Ryan said that he supported Ron Paul for President.

7.  Someone suggested in jest that we need a third party, like the Pot Party.

8.  The General Evaluator (who evaluates the conduct of the entire meeting) said that he was “going to evaluate the meeting as a whole.”

THE MONOLOGUE

I have no Observational Humor tonight.  But they insisted that I present some anyway.
(Nice opener.  Good laugh.  Switched giving an unprepared speech to giving unprepared Observational Humor; which was not true, because I had prepared a monologue.  I just claimed to be unprepared for the sake of the joke.)

This is the Observational Humor section of the meeting.  Also known as Humor-As-Usual.
(Not a strong joke.  I considered deleting it, but left it in because is tied nicely into the flow of the monologue, supporting the other jokes.)

In keeping with the flow of tonight’s meeting, you will be required to present humor that makes us cry.
(Good call back.  Very good laugh.)

For the benefit of blondes in the audience…that was a joke.
(A safe joke because a blonde had provided the set up.  Big laugh.)

If a humorist had two cows…he would buy one more.  Because 3 is a funnier number than 2.
(Good laugh after TWO COWS.  Slight pause before punchline.  Good laughter after THAN 2.)

Ryan has something in common with President Obama.  They’re both hoping that the Republican nomination goes to Ron Paul.
(First sentence builds anticipation, a form of tension, which magnifies the humor.   The punchline links two different reasons for wanting Ron Paul to receive the nomination.  One reason is to make him President.  The other reason is to give Obama a second term.  The reasons are implied, letting the listener connect the dots.)

If we had a Pot Party…that would lead to the Crack Party…which would lead to the Crack-Pot Party.  And we come full circle.
(Crack Party received moderate laugh.  Crack-Pot Party received bigger laugh.  Full Circle received biggest laugh.  Joke/Topper/Topper.)

If I keep talking I’m going to dig myself a hole.  But that would be in keeping with tonight’s meeting.  The General Evaluator said that he evaluated the meeting as a whole.
(Joke/Topper.  Very good laugh.  Plays with the sound-a-likes hole/whole.  A good closer.)

Here’s another Observational Humor Monologue with an analysis of what makes the humor tick.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  The emcee of the evening was introduced by the club President.  His opening remark was “Thank You Mr President” in a very resonating and distinguished tone of voice.  He brought attention to it by saying: “I’ve always wanted to say that…Thank You Mr President!”  This repetition strengthened the set-up because of the repeat of the phrase and because it got a laugh.

2.  The theme of the meeting was Scuba Diving.

3.  The emcee talked about the physics of pressure on divers and the need for decompression.

4.  Scott Prichard, Third Place winner in the International Speech contest at last year’s convention in Las Vegas, was introduced as the American Idol of PowerHouse Pros Toastmasters Club.

5.  While talking about Scuba sign language, emcee Daniel demonstrated the many ways of signing OK.  From just using the hands and fingers, to using both arms to make a large circle, or using one free arm to make a circle with the hand touching the head.

6.  Wiring rolled up in an electrical box caught my eye for the first time at our club’s new permanent location. 

7.  Daniel talked about the history of Scuba Diving.  The first recorded dive was about 300 years ago.  The depth of the dive was not recorded.

8.  Describing breathing tanks for scuba diving, it was said that “breathing is over-rated anyway.”

9.  A speaker said that her goal when going boating is to not leave the boat.  She does not like to swim.

10.  The emcee said that the odds of having a malfunction of scuba equipment was “the square root of one percent.”  One of our members, an engineer, pointed out that the square root of .01 is .1 or TEN PERCENT.  He received a big laugh pointing out the fact that a 10% failure rate was not a good thing.

11.  Scott talked about a film featuring, among others, him and his friend Dink.  He joked about who was cast as his character.

12.  A speaker joked about chicken nuggets.

13.  Bill Parker told a story of losing his keys in a foul-smelling dumpster and climbing in to find them.

THE MONOLOGUE

Thank you Master Evaluator…and thank you Mr President.
(Delivering Thank You Mr President in a deep voice.  A big laugh.  A perfect opener.)

We have had so much motivation tonight that we need to decompress.  We will do that by opening the floor to anyone with an Observational Humor remark.
(Light laughter.  But it didn’t matter because the line was serving as a transition point as we moved to member remarks.)

My name is John Kinde.  I lost to Scott Prichard in the International Speech Contest at the District level last year.  You could say I’m known as the Biggest Loser of PowerHouse Pros.
(When the American Idol of PowerHouse Pros was mentioned, I immediately thought “I am the BLANK of PowerHouse Pros” and went searching for the right title.  The Biggest Loser was perfect because it had a self-deprecation edge to it.  And it had the element of truth.  I DID lose to Scott.  Very good laugh.)

You may have noticed that I’m walking with a bit of a limp.  My hip is bothering me tonight.  But I’m OK.
(I delivered I’m OK in a whisper, mouthing the words, and gestured a large O with my free right arm.  A very big laugh.)

If this is your first meeting you’ll probably notice that we have been successful in eliminating verbal pauses, like AHS, from our talks.  We’ve discovered creative ways to do that.  I’m pleased to point out that they have installed the electrical wiring for our electric chair.
(I’ve used a similar line before, but I don’t believe it was at this location.  A good laugh.)

In the year 9050 BC, the first joke was told.  Back then they didn’t measure the length of the laughter.  But that doesn’t matter, because laughter is overrated anyway.
(Length of the laughter received almost no laughs.  Fortunately the topper, OVERRATED, saved the day and got a good laugh.)

My favorite sport is sky diving.  The chance of having a successful skydive is the square root of one percent.  My goal is to never leave the plane.
(Square root of one percent got a very big laugh.  Never leave the plane was a call back and a topper.)

If you were at the recent Sundance Film Festival, you may have seen a movie made about me and my friend…Dunk.  I was played by the first runner up of the Mr Rogers Look Alike Contest.
(The first laugh was at DUNK.  A funny play on sounds with DINK.  I needed a slight pause in front of DUNK to bring attention to the word.  The topper was Mr Rogers, a good self-deprecation joke.  Since Mr Rogers is no longer living, I created the look-alike contest to bring his character into the joke.)

Last week I stopped at a Burger King for some chicken nuggets and parked in the back.  I walked by the dumpster and ran into Bill.  “Hey John, could you loan me $20.  I can pay you back next week.”  So I gave Bill $20.  He wadded it up and threw it into the dumpster.  “Bill.  What are you doing?”  He told me that he had bought his dinner and received one dollar change.  When he was done eating he accidently threw the one dollar away with his trash.  “And there’s no way I’m going into that smelly dumpster for only one dollar!”
(This is a recycled old joke about accidentally dropping one dollar into an industrial portable toilet: “There is no way I’m going down there for just one dollar.”  A good laugh.  A good closer.)

Here is another Observational Humor monologue and an analysis of what makes the humor work.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  The theme for the meeting was Political Caucus.

2.  A member presented an impromptu speech loaded with innuendo.  He played with the word CAUCUS making sexual innuendo links.  Although he received good laughs, I normally recommend staying away from sexual innuendo when speaking in business or professional situations.

3.  Gordon is bi-lingual.  He gave a speech and included one sentence in Chinese.

4.  It was guest night and the attendance was larger than normal.  We had about 30 people at the meeting.

5.  The meeting got off to a rough start.  Several people failed to show up and there were many changes to the agenda.  This resulted in a less-than-smooth flow to the meeting.

6.  A speaker talked about NLP Anchoring.  She gave an example of reinforcing a behavior by touching your elbow and linking that action to a desired behavior.

7.  A speaker talked about air refueling and how the receiving aircraft would “tickle the tail” of the tanker aircraft.

THE MONOLOGUE

Welcome to the PowerHouse Pros Humor Caucus.  We considered having a Humor Primary…but a Caucus is funnier.
(A call back to the speech playing with the funny-sounding word.  Part of what makes CAUCUS a funny word is the double K sound.  Part of the trigger is the link to current events and the several caucus events being held across the country.)

We’re having a special Humor Retreat next weekend at Lake Titicaca.
(Decided to throw in another funny-sounding word just for the fun of it.)

At our club, 95% of our humor is politically correct.
(Acknowledging the fact that some of the sound-alike humor and innuendo was borderline when it comes to keeping it clean.)

Gordon stole my thunder.  I was going to do my first joke in Chinese.
(As though I spoke Chinese.  The humor trigger is absurdity.)

We have a big crowd tonight since it’s guest night.  At a normal meeting we have three people.
(The trigger is exaggeration, suggesting that nearly everyone present was a guest, when 70 percent of those attending were members of the club.)

If this is your first time attending our meeting, you probably noticed we have lots of humor.  To be honest, other clubs have a lot more humor than our club.  So if you visit other clubs…go with that expectation.
(Setting up a humorous expectation which would lead to disappointment with another club, and ensuring that the guest would come back to our club and possibly join it.  Said in fun.  The truth is we have many strong clubs in our city which our guests would find impressive.)

And if this is your first meeting, you need to know that we’re normally not this organized.
(Acknowledging the obvious.  Exaggerating the jerky flow of the meeting by saying “we’re normally more-so.”  Very big laugh.)

Tonight, club members will present humorous observations.  And you will laugh (touching Ryan’s elbow).
(The call back got a good laugh.)

That’s an effective humor technique.  Either touch Ryan’s elbow…or tickle his tail.
(A topper which was triggered by the alternate word meaning of TAIL.  A good laugh.)

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.  Ten other club members presented a total of 20 observational lines before I presented my monologue.  They came up with observations that never occurred to me, yet they didn’t duplicate any of the lines planned for my monologue.  The lesson is that the supply of humorous observations is almost limitless…you only have to be looking for them.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  Scott suggested that Dana was looking for someone to dance with.

2.  Dana gave a humorous speech about kissing.

3.  The emcee for the evening introduced “Nancy Grace” as a theme for the meeting.  He referred to her Wardrobe Malfunction on Dancing With The Stars.

4.  The word of the evening was STRIDENT.

5.  A guest said that he came to Toastmasters to work on his social skills.

6.  A guest said he came to Toastmasters because his boss encouraged him to come.

7.  In his kissing speech, Dana said that when you kiss a woman you want to make the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

8.  A speaker talked about getting rid of bees.  He said that after the bees are gone, the honey which remains in the walls of a house can cause over $10,000 damage.

9.  Talking about ladder safety, a speaker described ladder mittens which are used to prevent damage to the walls.

10.  A speaker talked about restaurant inspections and mentioned a restaurant named Heart Attack Grill.

11.  A speaker said that health inspectors have found restaurant kitchens with live roaches and mice.

THE MONOLOGUE

I went dancing Saturday night.  I had a great time Dana…and Scott.
(A call back, dropping myself into someone else’s story.  Used SCOTT as a topper.)

Dana…we enjoyed your speech.  50% of the women were hoping for free samples.  And 25% of the men.
(A humorous suggestion of free samples, followed by a topper, 25% of the men.)

To the average man, a kiss from Dana would be as welcome as a wardrobe malfunction from Nancy Grace.
(A joke driven by a comparison.)

If you want to improve your social skills…chew Strident gum.
(Using the word of the day for a sound-alike chewing gum joke.)

Like our guest, I also came to Toastmasters because of my boss.  That was 39 years ago.  If this is your first meeting, in forty years THIS is what you have to look forward to.
(Self deprecation.)

When you’re over 60 you learn that when you kiss a woman, you want to make the hairs stand up in her nose and ears.
(Using a standard joke of “old age comes with hair in your nose and ears.”)

And you learn that when you divorce…your honey can cause over $10,000 damage.
(Connecting divorce with bee eradication by using the double meaning of HONEY.)

After tonight’s program, I’ll be leading a Multi-Level-Marketing program on selling Ladder Mittens at inflated prices to friends and family.
(I used this line because I thought that Ladder Mittens was a funny sounding word.)

Then we’ll be having dinner at the Heart Attack Grill, which is located in the Palm Mortuary.  When you arrive there the Host will ask you, “Plot or Crypt?”
(I used this joke because other restaurants mentioned in a speech were identified by location, but Heart Attack Grill was not.)

Tonight we learned that when eating in a restaurant, and you find live roaches and mice in your food, you should notify the Health Department.  If you find DEAD roaches and mice in your food…you should use chopsticks.
(I thought that it was interesting that the speaker on health inspections only identified inspection problems with LIVE roaches and mice.  I decided to ask “what if” DEAD roaches and mice were found, and twist it with the use of chopsticks to solve the problem.)

Here is a monologue presented at the end of a meeting and an analysis of the humor.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  A guest said she was attending the meeting because she wanted to learn how to be more extroverted and open.

2.  The theme of the meeting was Onomatopoeia which means:  A word that imitates the source of the sound it describes, such as:  Meow, Crash, Crack, Ding Dong.

3.  The emcee of the meeting said that Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was an example of onomatopoeia.

4.  The word of the day was Kip.

5.  Frank (who goes by the initial S), said that if you put him in front of the word-of-the-day, you would have SKIP.

6.  Frank is a large person, 6 foot 4 inches tall.

7.  Frank responded to a question with a horse-type NEIGH.

8.  A speaker said she ran a marathon, but joked that she quit running 2/10 of a mile from the finish.  “Running 26.2 miles is ridiculous.”

9.  A speaker gave a speech on Africanized Honey Bees.  He said that pesticides used to kill the bees also kills other insects.

10.  During the impromptu portion of the meeting, speakers imitated animals making appropriate sounds:  Moo, Baaa, Roar…

THE MONOLOGUE

For those of you who are here to become more extroverted and more open…watch me closely.
(Self deprecation, my low-key delivery is the opposite.  A very big laugh.  A perfect opener.)

My favorite onomatopoeia is Twinkle Twinkle.  I just love going outside at night and LISTENING to the stars.
(Twinkle is not an example of Onomatopoeia as it doesn’t originate from a sound but rather a visual.  I wasn’t sure this joke would work, but it got a good laugh.)

If you put S in front of KIP…nobody would know what the word of the day was.
(A literal statement of the truth.  Huge laugh.)

Frank would probably disagree with that, because he’s a neigh (nay) sayer.
(A call back.)

I’ve written a best seller:  Laos on Five Kips a Day.
(Reference to an old best-seller book series started by Europe on Five Dollars a Day.  One of the definitions of KIP is a unit of currency in Laos.)

I ran in the Las Vegas Marathon this past weekend.  At 2/10 of a mile I stopped running.  Running 26.2 miles is ridiculous.
(STOPPED RUNNING got a very good laugh.  RIDICULOUS got a huge laugh.  The topper was unexpected.)

I had a nest of Africanized bees in my back yard.  An exterminator sprayed and killed the ants, the roaches, and my dog.  My dog’s last word was…MEOW.  He was bi-lingual.
(ANTS, ROACHES AND MY DOG got a laugh.  The topper MEOW got a bigger laugh.  The second topper BI-LINGUAL got the biggest laugh.)

Here is the analysis of an Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  Ryan announced that he would be stepping into the role of MC for the evening because Mary, the person scheduled for the job, could not attend the meeting due to family problems.

2.  A speaker talked about telling a story in the third person.

3.  A speaker ran overtime.  His evaluator suggested that, to save time, he could have dropped the part of the speech where he made side comments to David about his Physics speech the previous week.

4.  At the start of the meeting, the President pointed out where the restrooms were located.

5.  We were meeting for the second time in a new location.

6.  Directly behind the speaker was an office door.  It was room 318.  The room number was marked with a Post-It Note.

7.  The word of the day was Install.

8.  We used to meet at the US Bank Building next to Palace Station Casino.

9.  The walls of the room were covered with 100+ nail holes patched with white plaster which had not been painted over.

10.  In the front corner of the room, eight electrical sockets had been installed.

11.  Bill gave a speech about playing the clarinet.  Had three volunteers demonstrate the right way to blow on the reed.  There was a good amount of loud squawking and screeching.

12.  Bill’s speech ran a little overtime.

13.  Bill had three volunteers join him to demonstrate the proper technique for playing the clarinet.  He had one of them blow into the instrument while Bill pressed the keys to play a song.  His speech evaluator suggested that he could have collected the mouth pieces and reeds from the other two volunteers and sent them back to their seats, since they were just standing there watching with nothing to do.

13.  Bill used the Yiddish word KIBITZ.  His speech evaluator said that he didn’t know what that word meant.

14.  Frank, an accomplished piano player, was attending the meeting.

15.  A speaker presented a magic show/speech using a mind-reading goose.

16.  An audience member was asked to think of a number.  The goose predicted that he would think of NINE.

17.  Herman Cain, Republican presidential candidate, was currently promoting his tax plan called 9-9-9.

18.  I noticed that the evaluation portion of the meeting (which includes the Observational Humor segment and which takes about 20 minutes) was scheduled for 15 minutes on the printed agenda.

19.  We had three prepared speakers.  All three failed to meet either the minimum or maximum time limits for their speeches.

THE MONOLOGUE

I almost didn’t make it here tonight.  I was having trouble with Mary’s family.  I was especially having trouble with the third person.
(I was playing with the absurd suggestion that Mary’s family had an impact on my getting to the meeting.  I was also “dropping myself into the story.”  Mary’s family was not about me…but I put myself into the story anyway.  The THIRD PERSON reference provided a good topper and got a very good laugh.)

We’re short on time tonight so I won’t use any filler material.  That’s a physics problem, isn’t it David?
(A good call-back as I modeled a behavior which had been criticized.  The  technique is MODELING THE FORBIDDEN.  Anytime someone suggests that something specific should not be done, doing it will often get a laugh.  I frequently use this technique.)

If you need to use the restroom, you’ll find it (gesturing out the window) at the US Bank building across from Palace Station.
(This was an absurd suggestion since the US Bank building was nearly ten miles away.)

This is Ryan’s office.  That’s where the restrooms really are…indoor plumbing.  In his office you’ll find the Install.  When it’s out of order you can go to the parking lot and use the Outstall.
(The OFFICE joke set up the INSTALL joke and the OUTSTALL topper.)

We introduced an innovation at last week’s meeting.  People who used too many AHs faced a firing squad.  I’m pleased to see that they patched the bullet holes.
(This joke came from Asking-The-Question.  The walls had been prepared for painting, the nail holes in the drywall had been patched.  I asked, what else could this be.  Also the element of “something everyone notices” makes it a good target for humor.  Then I made it relevant to the group by connecting it with counting-AHs.)

And I noticed that it looks like we’ve had sufficient wiring installed to hook up our electric chair.
(This follows the theme of innovations.  I also asked the question:  Why so many plug-in outlets?)

You probably noticed that there are no cats here.  The reason…clarinet lessons. 
(The cats set up the recall of the squeaky clarinets.)

Bill didn’t collect the reeds because he didn’t want to be accused of schlepping reeds.
(A great way to recall the reference to KIBITZ was to use another Yiddish word.)

Next week I’ll be playing the piano.  I’ll be standing behind the piano…Frank will be pressing the keys.
(This joke paints a funny picture.)

On weekends, Al rents out his mind-reading goose to Herman Cain.   Nine-nine-nine.
(I linked the random selection of NINE to something in the news.)

This building is in as time warp.  That explains why we’re able to schedule the Master Evaluator’s report, Evaluator one, Evaluator two, Evaluator three, The Ah counters report, the Gramarian, the Timer’s report, AND the Observational Humor, all in 15 minutes.  That’s also why our speeches appeared to be outside the time limits, but actually weren’t.
(This joke links two time-related observations with the concept of time warp.  Silly but it worked.)

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  The theme for the meeting was Speech Evaluation Contest.

2.  A speaker, talking on Image, referred to what you wear as your Style Statement.

3.  I was wearing basketball shorts and a denim shirt with cartoon characters.

4.  Speaker Cheyenna Burns was asked if she was related to George Burns.

5.  A speech evaluator referred to Cheyenna’s body…he meant speech organization.  Everyone laughed at the unintended double meaning of BODY.

6.  During the Speech Evaluation Contest, it was said that the target speaker (who all the contestants would evaluate) was wearing a big red X on her shirt…a target for feedback.

7.   A member made a motion that guests, who were dues-paid Toastmasters, should be allowed to serve as judges during our evaluation contest.

8.  A guest named John said that the meeting was convenient because we met right across the street from where he lived.

9.  I give directions to our meetings telling people that we meet at the US Bank building on Sahara across the street from Palace Station Casino.

10.  A guest suggested that member Bill Lusk looked like Bob Barker, former host of The Price is Right.

11.  A speaker used the cliche:  I’ll quit while I’m ahead.

THE MONOLOGUE 

Pay no attention to my style statement.
(Self-deprecation.  As I delivered the line I had in mind the delivery of the Wizard of Oz:  “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.”  Huge laugh.  Great opening line.)

My name is John Kinde.  And I am related to George Burns.
(A simple call back.  Worked great.)

Cheyenna…I thought your structure and organization were OK.  I thought your body was great.
(Worked well to imply that I meant PHYSICAL body.)

I’m presenting Observational Humor.  You can tell by the big red X on my shirt.
(Suggests that by presenting humor, I set myself up with a target on my chest.  This was the weakest line of the monologue.)

I move that all guests, who are dues paying Toastmasters, have permission to laugh at my jokes.
(Twisted the previous motion.  Good laugh.)

John, I’m glad you’re a guest tonight.  I’ve always wanted to meet someone who lived at Palace Station.
(Simple link.  Big laugh.)

You may be wondering how I got my name.  A genie said, I’m going to read a list of names.  Stop me when I get to the name you want.  BILL.  (Well, I never did want to look like Bob Barker.)  MIKE. (I am a speaker and use a microphone.)  JOHN.  (What?  Named after a bathroom?  Oh all right…I’ll quit while I’m a head.)
(Call-back of a cliche.  Self-deprecation, making fun of my own name.  Big laugh.)

Let me give you a quick tip for those who will compete in next year’s speech evaluation contest.   Make sure every evaluation includes something critical and something complimentary.  For example:  “That was one of the worst speeches I’ve ever heard…but it was a big improvement over the last time I heard you speak.”
(Plays on superiority theory.  Lets audience figure out that previous speech was even worse than “one of the worst.”  It’s a safe put-down because it’s targeted at an imaginary speaker, not at a specific person.  Huge laugh.  Perfect closer.  This is a recycled line used several years earlier.)