Humor Power

This an Observational Humor Monologue presented at a Las Vegas Chapter meeting, National Speakers Association, featuring Patricia Fripp and Dan Maddux.

THE SETUP (what happened and what was said during the meeting, before the monologue was presented)

1.  Dan told us of a speaker who was addressing the American Payroll Association and mistakenly referred to them as the American Plumbers Association.

2.  Fripp used the term Happy Gigsters to refer to a certain group of speakers.

3.  Judy Moreo shared a story about a car salesman, a blind speaker and herself.  Here is a condensed version.  The salesman didn’t like the way his prime rib was cooked and switched plates with the blind man without asking.  The punchline came from the blind man:  “Apparently Honest Bob didn’t like the way his food was prepared.”

4.  At the start of the meeting, Peter announced he was getting married and that he met the special person while attending a Las Vegas show with Fripp and me.  Fripp said that she wasn’t Peter’s date and it got a good laugh.

5.  Dan referred to speakers who use promotional material with old photos as “dated speakers.”

6.  While coaching a speaker, Fripp referred to the speaker’s stance as Girlie Legs and recommended a stance that gave a more stable foundation.

7.  A speaker attendee, Rique, mentioned that “Beauty is an Inside Job.”

8.  Fripp, in one of her signature stories about a man named Larry, several times used the punchline:  “Lareeeeey!”

9.  Fripp told about being in a Ladies Room and being approached by a woman who asked, “Are you British.”  And then added, “Aren’t you Patricia Fripp?”

10.  Dan Maddux told of someone who had fabricated a testimonial with his name on it.  He stumbled onto the bogus testimonial during a Google search.

11.  Dan told us of inappropriate gifts he had received.  Among them were advertising pieces with a speaker’s name on them, and a bottle of massage oil.

12.  Dan told us of a speaker who gave half a speech and then said, “If you want to hear the rest of the speech, the sponsor will have to bring me back again next year.”

THE MONOLOGUE

It’s great to be here with the Las Vegas Chapter of the National Plumbers Association.
(An easy joke making an obvious switch of names.)

I feel so at home being in a room full of Happy Geezers.
(Again a nice switch of wording.  A little bit of self-deprecation here, implying that I am a geezer.)

We have a lot of first-timers at today’s meeting.  One thing that we learn at NSA is to never steal anyone’s material.  If we see something we like, we need to adapt it to be able to use it.  Here’s something I’m going to add to my next talk:  “Last week at a speech I was seated at the head table.  On my right was Honest Bob the car salesman.  On my left was a gorgeous motivational speaker.  It seems that Honest Bob wanted his prime rib well-done.  And the waiter gave him one that was rare.  The waiter gave me one that was well done.  I couldn’t believe it, but Honest Bob took my plate and switched it for his.  I leaned over to the gorgeous motivational speaker and said:  ‘It appears that Honest Bob thinks I’m blind!’”  I made the story mine.
(I initially had this bit near the end of the monologue, but decided to move it near the top because it was so strong.  A total of three good laughs with a huge laugh at the end.)

At the start of today’s meeting it was announced that Peter is engaged to be married to a person he met at the George Carlin show which he attended with Fripp and me.  Fripp wanted you to know that she was not Peter’s date.  And I want you to know that I was not Peter’s date.  I mention this so that Dan Maddux won’t think that Fripp and I are Dated Speakers.
(Added a topper to the Fripp line.  And then linked the whole thing to Dan’s later reference to dated-speakers.)

Coaching prepares is to be at our best.  I attended the Arnold Schwarzenegger School of Public Speaking where I learned to not use Girlie Legs.
(I chose to run a set of three call backs.  Legs, Lipstick, Larry.  The theme of “techniques I used giving a speech,” gave it structure.)

And Rique taught me that just before I begin a speech, I eat three tubes of lipstick…because beauty is an inside job.
(Taking something literally gave me the twist.)

I used those techniques the last time I gave a speech and the audience looked at me and said…Lareeeeey!
(Her frequent use of the punchline gave me the setup.)

I was in the Men’s Room during the lunch hour combing my hair.  A stranger came up behind me and said: “Are you British?”  I said, “No I’m not.”  And he replied, “For a second there I thought you were Patricia Fripp.”
(A nice reversal.  The lines worked great.)

I’m adding a testimonial to my web site tonight. “You are the funniest speaker I’ve ever heard.”  Dan Maddux.  I’m going to mis-spell Maddux so it isn’t searchable on Google.
(Simple joke based on the technique of claiming to have done something that had been identified as a no-no.)

If you’re interested, I’m selling Massage Oil with your name on it.
(Linking two unrelated things made this joke work.)

That’s the first half of my monologue.  If you want to hear the second half, you’ll have to find a sponsor to bring me back next month.
(A perfect closer.)

Public speakers can learn valuable lessons from watching the Super Bowl.

Humor Sells.  Advertisers sponsoring the dozens of ads must know something.  They’re spending $2,700,000 for a 30-second ad.  Two-thirds of the ads featured humor as the main hook.  Humor must sell.

Humor Creates Buzz.  Super Bowl ads have gained the reputation of being one of THE things to watch during the game!  Some people take their bathroom breaks during the game so they don’t miss the commercials.  The network even pointed you to a website where you could watch the commercials again or send your friends. 

Using the Topper.  Several of the commercials used the technique of adding a topper line, one final punchline, just when you thought it was over…another laugh line.  A good technique which keeps people watching.  In the list of best humor commercials below, the most notable topper ads are indicated in CAPS.

The Host Network Uses Humor Too.  Fox used humor in their commercials to promote their shows and tied them into the Super Bowl theme:  Prison Break, House (not included on the website summary), American Idol, Moment of Truth.

The Audience Feeds You Energy.  When speaking, the audience sends positive energy to you.  Note that the half-time entertainment which featured Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers brought hundreds (thousands?) of fans onto the field to stand in front of the stage, waving their arms in the air and singing.  It increased the audience connection of the performers many-fold.  An empty field in front of the stage would have been an energy draining void.  Never underestimate the power of the audience to energize your talks.

Top Humor Commercials On The 2008 Super Bowl:
1.  BUD LIGHT FIRE (1st quarter)  My favorite ad.
2.  Tide To Go (2nd quarter)  Bizarre, but I liked it.
3.  BUD LIGHT FLYING (3rd quarter)  Same joke theme as the Bud Light Fire commercial.
4.  BUD LIGHT ACCENTS (2nd quarter)  Used a running gag from one of last year’s top commercials.
5.  Planters Nuts (2nd quarter)
6.  Vitamin Water (3rd quarter)
7.  BUD LIGHT CAVEMEN (3rd quarter)
8.  ETrade Baby (3rd  quarter)
9.  Diet Pepsi Max (1st quarter)
10. Bridgestone squirrel (1st quarter)
11. Fed Ex (2nd quarter)
12. Toyota Corolla (2nd quarter)
13. GARMIN (2nd quarter)
14. Sobe (2nd quarter)
15. PEPSI STUFF (2nd quarter)
16. Etrade Balloon (4th quarter)

Related Posts:
Analysis of 2007 Super Bowl Ads
More Analysis of 2007 Super Bowl Ads
A Preview of 2007 Superbowl Ads

Here’s another Toastmasters Observational Humor monologue.

THE SET UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

1.  An evaluator commended a speaker for keeping the comments at the start of his talk “YOU focused.”

2.  A new member told us how to pronounce his unusual name.  He said he was from the Ukraine where his name is normal.

3.  During a segment on New Year’s resolutions, Gretchen told us of the exciting success of her new business.

4.  Bill Jacky told us this was the first New Years Eve in 20 years that he got eight hours of sleep.

5.  S (that’s his name) commented that he was amazed that Steve Pavlina’s solar watch worked at night.

6.  A name on the printed program agenda was misspelled.  Guy Burns was listed as Buy Burns. 

7.  A speaker referred to Bill Jacky as Bob Jacky.

8.  One of our members is named Mary Coon.

THE MONOLOGUE

I tried to think of a joke about a female sheep.  I wanted the Observational Humor to be EWE focused.
(Played with a sound-alike word.)

My name is K-I-N-D-E.  It’s pronounced KIN-DEE.  I’m from North Dakota where that’s a normal name.
(I compared my simple name with a complicated one, using the same pattern which had been previously used.)

I was motivated by Gretchen’s business success.  I made a resolution to move my business to her neighborhood.
(A simple joke, implying that WHERE her business was located was why it was successful.)

This New Years I couldn’t sleep a wink.  I couldn’t sleep with all of Bill Jacky’s snoring.
(Silly joke.  The very unexpected twist is what made it work so well.)

Steve’s solar watch works at night.  There’s a reason S and I didn’t understand that.  Steve has money.
(This piggybacked on somebody else’s observational humor.  My implication was that the cheap solar watch that S and I could afford would work only during daylight hours because we couldn’t affort a GOOD watch.)

And now Norwack The Magnificent.
(The answer-man delivery formula.  Answer first.  Followed by the question.)

The answer is:  Someone who would pay someone else to light them on fire.
And the question is:  Who would Buy Burns.
(During the meeting we had messed up two member’s names.  So I went looking for other play-on-names that I might use to turn it into a mini-list.)

The answer is:  A happy raccoon.
And the question is:  What is a Merry Coon.
(Again, playing with a homonym.)

The answer is:  Toastmaster Jacky and Toastmaster Lusk, if the moved to Buffalo, New York.
And the question is:  Who are the Buffalo Bills.  Asuming Bill Jacky doesn’t change his name to Bob.
(Simple joke with an observational topper.  Just when they think the joke is over, you lay on the second joke.)

The answer is:  Pets that salivate when you ring a bell.
And the question is:  What are Pavlina’s dogs.
(A simple association with Pavlov’s dogs.)

Let’s look at another monologue presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before I presented the observational humor monologue.)

1.  The Toastmaster of the Meeting critiqued someone for not staying at the front of the room after making an introduction, explaining that he should lead and continue the applause until the speaker reaches the front of the room and shakes hands with him.

2.  A subsequent speaker, when introduced, walked to the front of the room in slow motion, to extend the applause.  A good laugh.

3.  Andre, a first-time guest, told us that he was from Ukraine.  He also said that he was impressed with the quality of the meeting and would feel intimidated to be a member (said light-heartedly).

4.  In the past, I’ve used the Answer Man format to deliver humor (more on that later).  Johnny Carson used the role of Karnack to deliver this type of humor.  Since my roots are from Norway (the source of so many funny people), when I use this joke format, I perform it as Norwack.  It had been at least two years since I’ve used this format for Observational Humor at a Toastmasters meeting.  I’m comfortable with the format since I’ve written over a thousand custom Karnacks.  At this meeting, I made the choice to deliver the entire monologue in this format.

5.  At a Toastmasters Humor contest the previous week, the Contest Master (the MC who introduces the speakers, didn’t warm up the audience and went straight into the introductions.

6.  One of our club members gave a humorous speech about marriage where, several times, he repeated the phrase:  “I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.”

7.  A member gave a speech where he gave the statistic that each year smoking kills more people than WWII and the Vietnam War combined.

8.  A speaker who talked about effective openings referred to a great opening as “Smoking Opening.”

9.  A member gave a speech about being a substitute teacher for a remedial English class where her class had been totally out of control.

10.  Following the theme of the evening, our Toastmaster of the Evening (Gretchen), gave out apples to the speakers.

11.  Someone said that when women are pregnant they become more creative.

12.  Someone read a quote saying that the most important sixty-seconds of a speech are the sixty-seconds that occur after the speech ends.  That’s when people reflect on the meaning of the talk.

THE MONOLOGUE

(When introduced, I took a winding route to the front of the room.  It took me about 30 seconds to reach the Toastmaster of the Evening.)

Andre, the purpose of Observational Humor is to make jokes about our guests.  I just wanted you to be comfortable.
(Joke and a topper.  I didn’t create this joke because he was a GUEST, but because he had expressed how easy it was to be intimidated by a club like ours.)

Ladies and Gentleman…please welcome Norwack the Magnificent!
(This introduction setup the vehicle for the Answer Man format popularized by Steve Allen and Johnny Carson.  Most people wouldn’t immediately know what was to follow, but most would quickly understand the format once I started.  The format is a comedy-joke-sequence where the performer gives the answer first, followed by the question.  It’s a humorous, psychic-like routine.)

The answer is:  It’s a quote from the boring Humor Contest Master at last weeks contest.
And the question is:  What is, “I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.”
(The truth is, the Contest Master had not been described as BORING, but I took the liberty to exaggerate for the sake of the joke.)

The answer is:  It has killed more people than WWII and the Vietnam war combined.
And the question is:  What is a smoking opening.
(A silly connection that really doesn’t make sense.  But it was funny.)

The answer is:  A straight jacket.
And the question is:  What do you need to deal with crazy people and remedial English Students.
(An exaggeration is often a good humor trigger.)

The answer is:  They would be intimidated.
And the question is:  How would our club members feel if they knew that the entire meeting was to be conducted in Ukrainian.
(This is a reversal which puts the members in the supposed “uncomfortable” position, instead of the guest.)

The answer is:  The Wicked Witch and Gretchen. 
And the question is:  Name two people who give out apples.
(This type of set-up sets a form of tension when you link someone’s name to a famous, or especially an infamous, person.)

The answer is:  It’s what I do when I want to feel creative.
And the question is:  What is getting pregnant.
(A silly callback.)

The answer is:  The best part of my Observational Humor
And the question is:  What is the sixty-seconds after I stop talking.
(A perfect closer.  Self-deprecation.)

Here’s a short Observational Humor monologue presented at a Toastmasters meeting yesterday.

THE SET-UP (what was said and what happened before the monologue was presented)

1.  A speaker talking about sales presentations suggested pumping yourself up before a sales call by saying to yourself, “I like myself.  I like myself.  I like myself.”

2.  The grammarian introduced the Word Of The Day, CELEBRATE.  We were told that it was a transitive verb.  A couple of members indicated that they didn’t know the definition of Transitive Verb.

3.  A fire-safety engineer gave a speech on smoke control.  He specifically focused on smoke control in high-rise buildings.

4.  An evaluator, while suggesting that a speaker should had used more energy in his delivery, asked the question:  “Would an audience want to listen to that all day long?”

5.  Clark told the story of a boss who told him, on his first week on the job, “Come see me in two weeks and I’ll share with you the secret of success.”  Ten years later, he was still waiting to be told that secret.

THE MONOLOGUE

(as I was standing to speak) I like myself.  I like myself.  I like myself!
(I thought, why not pump myself up before my monologue.  Perfect opener.  Big laugh.)

When the Word Of The Day was introduced, I thought:  “What a strange word.”  Then I realized the word had an R.
(I got the laugh letting the audience figure out what that word was.  I knew that for some of them, that word had already crossed their mind, and I could tell from their reaction that I was right.  I needed to keep the structure short, and not too wordy.  The letter R needed to be at the very end of the joke.)

Until I realized that there was an R, I was thinking:  “Celebate…is that a transitive verb?”
(A topper.  And yes, it’s really spelled Celibate…but close enough for the sake of the joke.  Comic license.)

Let me give you a fire safety tip for the next time you check into a hotel.  Do what I do.  Always ask for a non-smoking room.
(A clean and simple connection which plays with a double meaning.)

I have to admit, I’ve often asked myself: “Would anyone want to listen to me all day long?”  And that’s why I don’t speak all day long!
(There is humor in the truth.  I’m not a high-energy speaker.  I normally only do speeches which are one hour in length.  Although my humor adds the audience appeal and energy…it works well to poke fun at yourself even if you’re exaggerating or stretching the truth.)

Clark, since you gave a humorous speech today, I’ll share with you the secret to using humor…if you’ll come see me in two weeks.
(A perfect closer.  I paused before the punchline, while actually feeling a need to rush it a bit because I felt the punchline was too obvious.  But the pause helped magnify the punchline and it was a perfect closer.  I think maybe a couple of people saw it coming, but most did not.  The risk is that someone would give the punchline before I did!  The trick is to just relax and listen for the rhythm of the audience response.)

Here’s an examination of an Observational Humor monologue presented at a Toastmasters meeting.

SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  An evaluator critiqued a speaker’s clasped-hand gestures.  “If we we stuck a daisy between your fingers and laid you on the table…you’d look dead!”  Big laugh.

2.  A new member gave a speech about his business which serves largely the Hispanic community.  The Spanish language became a running gag for a few speakers later in the meeting.

3.  The Grammarian had selected PLETHORA as the word-of-the-day.  The theme of the day was Being Big.  The Toastmaster of the Evening (MC), before he introduced the Grammarian to give the word-of-the-day, used the word PLETHORA.  He didn’t know it would be the word-of-the-day.  It was just a coincidence that he used it.

4.  The word PLETHORA was introduced, defined, and its Latin roots were mentioned.

5.  A speaker shared the story about Roger Bannister running the mile under four minutes.  In the year after that milestone event, 30 people ran the mile under four minutes.  The next year, 300 people broke the four minute barrier.

6.  A speaker shared that every time he would tell people he was going to do something, they’d usually say: “You’re crazy.”  He would then proceed to be wildly successful at it.

7.  A speaker told of her younger days when the hot jock at school, Bob Baxter (not the real name), wouldn’t “give her the time of day.”

8.  Randy, our Treasurer, told us that being the club Treasurer was an easy job.

9.  Randy, in a speech about the club’s history, praised long-time member Bill Lusk, who was not present (he arrived after the speech was over).  Randy said that Bill was the only person who could correct the facts in his speech.

10.  This was the meeting before Thanksgiving.  A couple of people mentioned what they were thankful for.

THE MONOLOGUE

If I don’t start talking…I’m going to look dead.
(Deadpan delivery.  The line worked for me since I’m a low-key, laid-back speaker.)

We should change our club name to Hablemos Espanol Toastmasters.
(Several call-backs to the Spanish language during the meeting set this up.)

You may not know it but Plethora, the Word-Of-The-Day, actually has Spanish roots.  It comes from PLET which means many and HORA which means hour.  It means many hours…or abundance.
(A gibberish definition.  Not true.  Just made it up for the laugh.)

Tonight was the first time in history that a Toastmaster of The Evening opened his remarks with the word PLETHORA.  In the next 12 months, that will happen 30 times.
(This was a perfect tie in.  The group was very amused that the TM had, just by chance, used the word.  The Roger Bannister comparison was perfect.)

I remember years ago when I told people I was going to become a humorist.  They said:  “You’re crazy!”  That’s why I’m so good at it.
(Joke and a topper.  Big laugh.)

I ran into Bob Baxter last week.  I asked him:  “What time is it?”  And he gave me the time of day.
(Plays with the double meaning of “gave me the time of day.”  It got a bigger laugh than I expected.)

Randy told us the truth.  Being treasurer is an easy job.  I’m treasurer of the National Speakers Association Chapter.  All I have to do is:  Collect the money.  Deposit the money.  And go to the roulette wheel.
(An easy triplet.  A good laugh.)

Bill Lusk was late today.  Actually he wasn’t planning on coming, but his ears were burning.  And he needed to be here to correct the facts in Randy’s speech.
(A good connection between a speech and a late arrival.  Joke.  Topper.  Excellent laugh.)

In closing, I’m thankful…that you laughed at my jokes!
(A good closer.)

This is an examination of Observational Humor presented at an NSA chapter meeting featuring speaker Robin Creasman.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  The presenter, Robin Creasman, spoke of the value of being bigger than life when you’re presenting or performing.  His theme was about helping us to become Rock Stars in the speaking business.

2.  A chapter member suggested that if Robin could make John Kinde bigger than life, that there was hope for him (the speaker making the comment).  Everybody laughed.  I’m known as a very low-key, understated speaker.

3.  After sharing a personal example, the speaker said, “But I don’t want this program to be about me.” 

4.  The speaker shared several speaker video clips to illustrate his points.  One featured a speaker who opened his speech standing on a chair.  Another featured a speaker who delivered part of her speech wearing bunny ears.

5.  A coaching student shared that she came from a family of 13 children.

6.  A coaching student shared that, while growing up, she looked like a fat Willie Nelson.

7.  A coaching student shared a story about a man at work who wore pink pants.

8.  A coaching student shared a story about a survival game where contestants were dropped in the Gobi desert.

9.  A coaching student shared a story about someone’s bra setting off the airport security equipment.

10.  Robin asked early in the program, “What do you think of when someone says, Rock Star.”

11.  A member of the audience said that sometimes she could be a jerk.  Everyone that knew her countered that she was a super-nice person.  Ron (a coaching student) said, “I can teach you to be a jerk!”  He got a big laugh.

THE MONOLOGUE

What you are now watching is Norwegian-style “bigger than life.”
(Delivered in a deadpan style.  Self-deprecating humor playing off my low-key style.)

But I don’t want this to be about me.
(A call back reference to something said earlier in the meeting.)

OK.  It’s all about me.
(Setup for a sequence of jokes about me.)

I’d stand on a chair…but I forgot my bunny ears…and we don’t have an ambulance standing by.
(Two call back lines referring to video clips and one line of self-deprecation hinting that I’d hurt myself if I stood on a chair…which is probably true.)

You may not know it, but I was the 13th child.  And that was hard, because my parents only had three kids.
(A call back to 13th child.  Followed by an unexpected and illogical twist.)

It wasn’t easy growing up looking like a skinny Willie Nelson…in pink pants.
(Flipping the FAT to SKINNY and adding the topper.  Be willing to say silly things about yourself.)

Then when I was twelve…my parents dropped me in the Gobi desert.
(The line was totally unexpected.  It also happens that Gobi is a very funny word.  It contains two hard consonants.  That makes it funnier than Sahara which is made up of soft sounds.)

Problems followed me into my adult life.  Just last month, while going thru airport security…my bra went off.
(A silly visual picture.  No…I don’t wear a bra.  But, Hey, this is humor.)

But enough about me.  Please welcome Norwack The Magnificent.
(This a transition setup for the Answer Man humor delivery vehicle where the answer is given first, followed by the question.  This format was popularized by Johnny Carson and Steve Allen. I’ve found that this format can be good for a complete humor routine or at least a triplet, a set of three jokes.  I’d never use the Answer Man form for a single joke.  It’s the series of jokes in the same format that gets the audience understanding the joke structure and sets the rhythm for a good response.)

The answer is:  Fred Flintstone.
And the question is:  Who do you think of when someone says Rock Star?

The answer is:  Ask Ron.
And the question is:  What is the difference between a pull and a jerk?

The answer is:  Maury Pauvich, Howard Stern, and Robin Creasman.
And the question is:  Name a Talk Star, a Shock Star, and a Rock Star.

(The Flintstone joke works because of the Bedrock and Stone Age Connection.  Presented as an example, it seems telegraphed and obvious.  But in practice, the punchline seemed to have surprise value and got a good laugh.  The jerk line sneaks up on the audience by playing with the double meaning of the word jerk.  The last question is as perfect closer because it builds tension by linking the guest speaker to two controversial people, and then says something nice about him.  This type of closer joke almost always gets the affirmative response of “Ahhhhhhhhhh,” seeming to say “isn’t that nice!”)

I’m going to share a Toastmasters Area Contest speech with you which was written and delivered by Steve Pavlina.  Steve is a serious student of humor.  He practices Observational Humor at the same Toastmasters club I attend.  He played with my improv troupe and performed in two of our shows.  And every week he beats me in 18 holes of Disc (Frisbee) Golf by about three strokes.  Very funny.

Here’s the text of his speech about polyphasic sleep.  My comments and a few observations by Steve follow the text.  (Note: Steve makes references to “act-outs” which is the technique of “stepping outside the speech” to bring drama and theater to the talk.)
 
39-1/2 Winks

Do you ever feel like you have too much to do and not enough time to do it?  What would you say if I told you there was a way you could gain an extra 6 productive hours every day?  Imagine what you could do with an extra 6 hours a day.  You could write a book.  You could learn a foreign language.  You could almost serve as Area Governor.

Mr. Toastmaster, fellow Toastmasters, and welcome guests.  Two years ago I learned about a strange experiment done by a group of college students.  They claimed to be sleeping only 2 hours a day, and they kept it up for 6 months.  Now my reaction was probably the same as yours.  It’s humanly impossible, right?  But it was true.  What the students did was called polyphasic sleep.  Polyphasic means “many phases.”  They slept only 20 minutes at a time…every 4 hours…around the clock.

Adjusting to polyphasic sleep is not easy.  Eventually your brain will adapt to the shorter sleep cycles, but until that happens, you’ll have to endure several days of severe sleep deprivation, including fatigue, irritability, and memory lapses.  It’s like being VP of Education.

I run a popular personal development web site, so I thought it would be fun to try adapting to polyphasic sleep as a public experiment, logging each day as I went along.  But when I announced my plans, my loyal readers said that I would surely fail, that it would probably kill me, and that they couldn’t wait to read about it! Would you like to know how it went?  Alright, here’s what I wrote in my logs.

[Days 1-6 act-out of progressively worse sleep deprivation]

Day 1.  The first night wasn’t bad.  A little TV, a little web surfing.  I felt like I accomplished something just staying awake, even though I didn’t really do anything.  It’s like I was VP of PR.  What actually worked best for staying awake was cooking. When I first told my wife Erin I was going to do this experiment, she said, “Sleep deprivation?  Why can’t I just have a normal husband?”  When she got up this morning though, she said, “Sniff sniff.  Is that sweet potato curry?”  After that she’s been very supportive.  But we both agreed I’ll stop the experiment if I show signs of suffering a psychotic break, like running for Area Governor.

Day 2.  Oh, the sleep deprivation finally hit me.  I’m taking all my naps on time, but they aren’t helping much.  I have to keep slapping myself to stay awake.

Day 3.  I feel like a total zombie.  I came this close to quitting, but a friend convinced me to stick it out a little longer.  It wasn’t until after my next nap I realized I’d been talking to a cantaloupe.

Day 4…or is it 5…no, no, it’s 4.  This morning Erin asked me, “Steve, why is your deodorant in the fridge?”  “I’m sorry, Erin; it was the cantaloupe’s idea.”

Day 5.  I stayed up all night cooking, but now I can’t find any of the food.  I really shouldn’t drive, but after five days of this, I’m going stir crazy.  So I made a quick trip to Costco.  I bought a 36-pack of kitchen timers.  I also picked up a sack of cantaloupe to keep me company.  They don’t say much, but they’re good listeners.  Apparently I bought some bubble wrap and duct tape too, but I can’t remember why.

Day 6.  Today is Halloween.  Erin unpacked her old witch costume and found this putrescent orange slime in the hat.  Turned out it was sweet potato curry.  Hopefully the cabbage rolls will turn up soon. When it got dark, Erin took the kids trick-or-treating, while I passed out candy.  When Erin came back, she said, “That was weird, Steve.  All the neighborhood kids are talking about some psycho who’s passing out kitchen timers.”

[Narrator mode] Now it took about a week, but I did successfully adapt to polyphasic sleep.  I had more energy than ever, and my productivity skyrocketed.  There was only one problem.  The rest of the world was still monophasic. 

Here’s a log entry from day 150:

[Acting psycho] These past 5 months on polyphasic sleep have been incredible, but the long nights are getting lonely.  I tried to convince Erin and the kids to get up earlier just so I can have someone to talk to.  Unfortunately they’re not into coffee, but I found another natural stimulant that will help them wake up…adrenalin.  Just before dawn I grab one of those kitchen timers and head upstairs.  I set the fuse for 5 seconds, and then I quickly open the bedroom door, lob it onto the bed, and shut the door.  When that piercing alarm goes off, oh they’re wide awake…especially since it takes them a while to remove the bubble wrap and duct tape.

[Narrator mode] 5-1/2 months after beginning this experiment, I decided to return to monophasic sleep.  I was sad to see it end, but my family threatened to have me committed. Even though it didn’t work out, I’m glad I tried polyphasic sleep, and I learned some valuable lessons.  I learned that people are more important than productivity.  I learned the migratory patterns of sweet potato curry.  And I learned there truly is no greater insanity than to serve as Area Governor.

JOHN:  Terrific speech.  It was delivered at the Area Contest.  How was the speech different from the one you gave to win the Club Contest?

STEVE:  I improved the speech a lot after the club contest, but unfortunately I overdid it, and I got disqualified for time.  (A contest speech is suppossed to fall within a 4:30 and 7:30 time frame.)  When I practiced it myself, I came in between 5:30 and 6:00, and that included what I thought were reasonable pauses for laughter.  I figured a 90-120 second buffer for extra laughter would be plenty.  But many of the jokes got such big, sustained laughs that I had to wait a long time for the laughter to die down.  I saw the red light come on and tried to wrap it up quick, cutting about 30 seconds from the end, but my final joke still got too big a laugh.  Even so, I thought I managed to close on time, but apparently I didn’t quite make it.  If I’d done the whole speech as originally planned, I’d have run well over 8 minutes.

JOHN:  Moving up the competition ladder is challenging.  One of the biggest differences is that you usually get more laughter the higher the competition level.  There are several reasons for this.  First, the audiences are usually larger.  Because of the contagious nature of laughter, this usually means more response.  Second, your speech is usually better written, thanks to your own analysis and the feedback from members at your club.  Third, you know your content better and can focus on your delivery and connection with the audience.  These three factors all help you earn more laughter from the audience.  Because of that, you need to allow time for the laughter and also be prepared to cut a segment near the end of the speech, just in case.

JOHN:  Here are some observations on the speech content:

1.  Notice that Steve doesn’t rush into getting the laughs.  He takes time to set the premise and lets the audience know where he’s going.  Then he alerts them that he’s moving to the next part of the speech with, “Alright, here’s what I wrote in my logs.”

STEVE:  The slow build-up at the beginning was intentional, with only three laughs in the first 90 seconds.  As I gave the speech, I could see the audience becoming uneasy as I explained the details of polyphasic sleep.  I could see they were wondering where the humor was, and it seemed like I was launching into a dry factual speech that would at best be punctuated with some humorous commentary.  But I was using this time to establish a connection and build speech value while setting them up for later, so all of this was just premise.  This was very effective, since that early tension only made the later laughs stronger.

2.  He customizes his humor by making references to which the audience could relate:  Area Governor (the host of this competition), VP of Education, VP of PR.  If you were speaking to a corporate audience, reference to the Division Manager, the Director of HR, the VP of Marketing, might all be good for laughs.  You need to know the group.  You need to do your homework.

3.  Steve uses the Rule-of-Three very effectively:
  - You could write a book.  You could learn a foreign language.  You could almost serve as Area Governor.
  - My loyal readers said that I would surely fail, that it would probably kill me, and that they couldn’t wait to read about it!
  - I learned that people are more important than productivity.  I learned the migratory patterns of sweet potato curry. And I learned there truly is no greater insanity than to serve as Area Governor.

4.  Steve has picked funny-sounding words.  Note that all the ones listed here include the “K” sound, which many comedy experts say are funnier.
  - cantaloupe
  - kitchen timers
  - sweet potato curry
  - cabbage rolls
  - bubble wrap and duct tape

STEVE:  I didn’t even realize I was using so many words with a K-sound.  That was accidental, not intentional.  Interestingly, my original version used “napkin” instead of “cantaloupe” (also a K-word).  When I ran the speech past Darren LaCroix, he suggested using a kumquat because it was a funnier word (and also a K-sound).  I liked cantaloupe better, so I went with that.
 
5.  The speech is rich in call backs; making reference to things introduced earlier in the speech (cantaloupe, kitchen timer, sweet potato curry, etc).  By my count there are at least nine call backs.

STEVE:  I intentionally tried to include a lot of callbacks in this speech because part of the reason I wrote this speech was to specifically experiment with that technique.  Clever callbacks can work like punch line insurance.  If the first time I make a joke about an object doesn’t quite work, by the time the speech is over, the audience will think it was only intended as a setup for a future joke anyway.  But if both jokes work, the laughter on the callback can be doubly strong.
 
6.  “Steve, why is your deodorant in the fridge?”   “I’m sorry, Erin; it was the cantaloupe’s idea.”  I’d consider changing it to: “I’m sorry, Erin; the cantaloupe asked to borrow it.”  This gives the cantaloupe a more active part, which I think makes it funnier.  I also wonder if there might be a humor connection between Musk-scented deodorant and Musk Mellon, a name by which cantaloupes are also known.

STEVE:  There were several variations I considered.  One I almost used was, “I’m sorry, Erin; the cantaloupe said he was lonely,” but I ditched it because I thought some people might construe it as sexual, and I didn’t want to use any blue humor in this speech.   Another joke I almost inserted into the 2nd paragraph was this:  “It’s humanly impossible, right?  It’s like Bachelors & Bachelorettes becoming President’s Distinguished.”  B&B was one of the clubs in this area.  I thought the joke was too harsh and opted not to use it.  It might get a big laugh, but I thought it would more likely backfire and cost me the audience.

7.  “I bought a 36-pack of kitchen timers.”  A brilliant line.  When writing a speech a person asks, “What would be the most unusual thing to be bought in a quantity-pack?”  You’d ask yourself, what item would you only need one of.  Kitchen timer is a fabulous choice.  Taking it too far, like “a 36-pack of snow tires” would lessen the impact.  Kitchen timers are closer to something you could visualize as being real, but at the same time absurd.

STEVE:  In my first draft of this speech, I made a joke about a 6-pack of kitchen timers (not a 36-pack) because I had a segment where my alarm clocks kept meeting an untimely demise.  I’d smash them, flush them, etc.  So originally that line was there to show that I was buying alarms in bulk to replace the damaged ones.  During my actual polyphasic sleep experiment, I used a kitchen timer as my primary wake-up alarm, so I was simply using exaggeration for the joke.  But in the second draft, I found the joke worked even better after I cut out the earlier mentions of the kitchen timer, since it became even more absurd.  So this was a case where using a callback turned out to be weaker than using a fresh, totally unexpected, punch line.

8.  I like Steve’s closing line, a call back and a triplet.  One alternative closer might be:  “I believe it’s time to wrap up my speech.  (Pull a kitchen timer from pocket wrapped in bubble wrap and duct tape.)  My kitchen timer is vibrating.”
 
STEVE:  I love your closing line idea.  I could have put a kitchen timer in my pocket and set the alarm to go off at some time during the speech.  Maybe then I’d have been able to bring it in on time!

Steve Pavlina’s post on Polyphasic Sleep.

Here is another analysis of an Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting earlier tonight.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting and before the monologue.)

1.  The Toastmaster of the Evening (Emcee) quoted Toastmasters International Speech Champion David Brooks three times.

2.  In a speech about John F. Kennedy’s inaugural address, the speaker illustrated the power of one syllable words.

3. Darren LaCroix, another Toastmasters International world champion speaker, was quoted:  “Great speeches are not written…they are re-written.”

4.  Steve Pavlina was dressed in a black suit and was wearing a black T-shirt.  As part of the observational humor he put a small square piece of paper over the neck of the T-shirt, making it look like a clerical collar.  He then offered a prayer.

5.  Bryant Pergerson introduced his son Marshall Pergerson, a guest at the meeting.

6.  In the current news, a dog had been given $12 million in a will.

7.  A speaker gave a speech titled A Jerk and a Mensch.

8.  A speaker told of an experiment where a teacher was given a memo telling her that her class was filled with under-achievers.  In spite of the fact that they were average-ability students, they performed very poorly on exams.

9.  A speaker referred to a male court reporter as the Michelle Kwan of court reporting.

10.  Anita was asked if she wanted to recognize anyone for her success.  She identified her husband, Jim, who she referred to as Honey.

THE MONOLOGUE

1.  I’d like to quote David Brooks:  “Empower your eloquent syntax with the energetic emphasis of one syllable words.”
(Of course this was not a real quote from David Brooks, but I took the liberty to make it up for the sake of the humor.  It made the twist stronger than saying I was quoting me or one of our club members.)

2.  And to quote Darren LaCroix:  “Great speeches are not written…they are typed.”
(Ditto.  Darren did not say this.  I played with a literal meaning of WRITTEN.)

3.  We were lucky that Father Pavlina could be here tonight…he had two weddings earlier this evening.
(I piggy-backed on a good laugh received by Steve a few minutes before.)

4.  If Bryant went into law enforcement…he would be Marshal Pergerson.
(This joke plays on an alternate meaning for the name Marshal.)

5.  Did you see on the news this week that a dog was awarded $12 million.  Well, enough about the jerk and the wench.
(I brought in a current events headline and crossed it with a twisted speech title, substituting a sound-alike word.)

6.  For the first time tonight I realized that my fourth grade teacher must have been given a memo telling her that we were underachievers.
(Self deprecation trying to explain my supposed poor performance in school.)

7.  Having lived through that experience, it’s amazing that I’ve become the Michelle Kwan of humor.
(Silly.  But it worked and got a good laugh.)

8.  When Anita was asked who she would like to recognize, I knew it would be Jim.  Then when she said “My Honey”…I thought, “Oh my God.  She’s going to introduce me!”
(Another silly twist.  Anita and Jim are good friends, so I knew the line was safe.)

These are notes and a monologue from a National Speakers Association chapter social networking meeting. 

**THE SET UP** (What was said or what happened during the event before I delivered the monologue.)

1.  Someone said a famous actor showed up drunk before a play.  The point they wanted to make was that because of his talent and solid technique he was still able to perform his Shakespearean role in a professional manner.

2.  The subject of Life Balance came up.  Someone said that there was no such thing as balance.

3.  Randy said that the only book he could market from a certain publisher was one titled:   I’ll Cook For Sex.

4.  Peter said he needed a good-looking assistant who could keep him going with an occasional poke from a cattle prod.

5.  Jim said that he was the President of the National Listeners Association.

6.  The National Speakers Association has specialty groups called Professional Expert Groups or PEGs.

7.  Someone said they started a Back Pain Relief web site.

8.  Someone said that a Haunted Cane sold on Ebay for $56,000.  Another person expressed great disbelief that anyone would pay that much.

9.  One person referred to another member who was present as the Michelle Kwan of Marketing, then corrected it to be the Carl Lewis of Marketing since she was referring to a man.

**THE MONOLOGUE**

We learned from a famous actor tonight that the best way to deliver a great speech is to show up drunk.
(Humor created by twisting the real meaning of the story.)

Contrary to what we heard tonight, there is something called balance.  A balanced diet for example is a Twinkie in each hand.
(Just a silly visual picture.)

I’m writing a book which Randy could easily sell:  I’ll Make You Laugh For Sex.
(This line twisted the original book title by laying my subject expertise, humor, into the title.  This could be twisted for almost any expertise.)

Peter, I’d like to help you refine your want ad for an assistant:  Want an assistant who is handy with cattle prod and looks good in leather.
(Handy is a funny word.  Leather has a humorous connotation which dresses up the Looks Good line.)

Jim, here are some suggestions to get your National Listening Association off to a good start.  First you’ll need to establish some PEGs:
   - Motivational Listeners
   - Inspirational Listeners
   - Humorous Listeners
(For people familiar with the NSA and the professional speaking business, this is a list that brings a laugh.  Remember that observational humor is often good only for the specific audience and place for which it was created.)

It’s important as speakers to realize which PEG group your audience members fit into.  For example, if you have an audience of Humorous Listeners and you’re giving a motivational speech…every time you deliver a profound motivational point…they’re going to laugh.
(A nice topper to the PEG lines joke.)

The second suggestion for the National Listeners Association would be to use the advertising slogan:  When we listen…people talk.
(I twisted the cliche advertising slogan “When we talk…people listen.”  The reversal is so backward that it’s really funny.  This was the funniest line of the monologue.)

The third suggestion would be to refer to yourself as the Michelle Kwan of listeners.
(Excellent response.  An easy line to create.)

I’ve got a great idea for a couple of business web sites:
PainInTheNeckRelief.com
PainInTheButtRelief.com

And I have something I want you to be the first to know about.
This…is a haunted pen.
Normally it would sell for $56,000.
But tonight only…it can be yours for $37,000.
(I paused after THIS to draw attention to the first punch line and build anticipation.  HAUNTED PEN got a huge laugh because I think it was totally unexpected.  It received a very big response.  Then adding the two price lines provided  toppers that also worked well.)

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