Humor Power

It’s time for the top captions in our July Cartoon Caption Contest featuring the artwork of Dan Rosandich.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next joke contest will be announced on August 1, 2010.

Here are this month’s cartoon and the results:

** FIRST PLACE **

And yes, taping pictures of women on the inside of your blinders was a definite step backward!

     Darin Thompson, Smithfield, Utah

** SECOND PLACE **

Mrs Snerdly, maybe if YOU got blinders, your husband’s behavior wouldn’t be so noticeable.

     Terry Wall, Washington Township, New Jersey

** THIRD PLACE **

I’m not sure about your marriage, but this will do wonders for Tom’s golf swing.
 
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Usually it’s the woman who enters a marriage with blinders on.
  – Of course you will have to remove the blinders if you want a kiss.
  – Always use the blinders when you take him shopping.
  – So m’am, why do you say your husband can be a bit myopic at times?
  – Marriage is an institution.  So commit me!
  – Have the blinders cured your wandering eyes, Mr Smith?
  – I wore one of those for awhile, trust me, it works.
  – Once you have him fully trained you can remove the blinders.
  – From now on you’ll always see eye-to-eye.
  – Welcome to Paranoia Problems Inc.
  – Alright alright I’ll sign!  Just don’t do the stare!
  – An inch lower and you would have lost both ears!
  – This lawsuit must have really blindsided you.
  – I guarantee that he’ll only have eyes for you.
  – You’ll never again have to say “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
  – I see you’ve convinced him not to have a pre-nup.
  – Take them off when you leave work for the day.
  – For some reason Mr Jones, you are just not seeing the whole picture!
  – Just because all politicians are doing it,  doesn’t make it OK!
  – So you want to patent your “laser eyes”.  Have you run it through a focus group?
  – How is the reception on your dish network?
  – Mr Jones, please read the third line on the chart.
  – Your husband is the most forward-looking man I know.
  – Now if THAT doesn’t prevent your husband from ogling, nothing will.
  – I wrote the agreement in mirror images, so you can read it from either side.
  – I’ve never seen a home confinement ankle bracelet slip that far!
  – George, you really have to stop hiding from the facts.
  – Staying focused on your goals, Mr Smith, can be over-emphasized.
  – OK, Casanova, if this doesn’t cure your wandering eye we will hook up the battery next week.

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

It’s time for our Cartoon Caption Contest for the month of July.  We feature the art of professional cartoonist Dan Rosandich.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is August 1, 2010.

Here is the cartoon:

Write as many captions as you can.  Then select your best three captions and submit them.  Deciding which lines are your best lines is a great discipline for discovering if what you think is funny is also found to be funny to others.  You can submit more than three lines, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three lines will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.  Submit your entries to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com by July 15, 2010.

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

It’s time for the results of our Creative Cures humor contest.  The theme was inspired by Sol Morrison from Santa Barbara, California. 

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is July 1, 2010.

Here are this month’s top lines:

** FIRST PLACE **

The cure for military personnel having bad hair days:  Head and Soldiers Shampoo.
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

** SECOND PLACE **

The cure for New Orleans:  Move Congress there to live.
     Tena Thompson, Las Vegas, Nevada

** THIRD PLACE **

The cure for awful lower back tattoos:  Require that the client view a 20-year age progression of the tattoo before the artist begins.

     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

 HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – The cure for a happy attitude:  Watch the evening newscast.
  – The cure for an obsessive compulsion to be correct:  Become a Meteorologist.
  – The cure for Apathy:  Sitting on a Giant Red Ant hill.
  – The cure for lethargy:  Hitting a Beehive with a Baseball bat.
  – The cure for your witch spell not working:  Say it in cursive script.
  – The cure for the Stock Market Blues:  Stop trying to keep up with the Dow Jones’.
  – The cure for bad Father’s Day neckties:  Require that the giver wear the tie to two job interviews before Father’s Day.
  – The cure for Disease:  Just unionize germs.  They’re bound to strike and walk off the job sooner or later.
  – The cure for Dented Fenders:  Make all fenders out of Memory Foam.
  – The cure for Sunburn:  Red Tape.
  – The cure for bad haircuts:  Require that the coiffeur-challenged live in a house with mirrored walls and ceilings.
  – The cure for too-loud teen music:  Require that teens be given boom boxes that only play 70’s lite rock classics.
  – The cure for cell phone use while driving:  Require that those caught wear blindfolds and earplugs while driving.
  – The cure for the gulf oil spill:  Oil industry executives with mile long straws.
  – The cure for Marines with sore throats:  Halls of Montezuma.
  – The cure for burned bread:  Toastmasters.
  – The cure for dangling participles:  Marry an English teacher.
  – The cure for varicose veins:  Flesh colored markers.
  – The cure for male wrinkles:  Brotox.
  – The cure for heart disease in NY harbor:  Statin Island.
  – The cure for bad Federal Reserve Bank behavior:  Suethefed.
  – The cure for remote voting for corporate officers:  Proxycontin.
  – The cure for thieves with stomach aches:  Cleptobismol.
  – The cure for insomnia in southern California:  Santa Barbarituates.
  – The cure for tears:  Crylenol.
  – The cure for nosy people:  Prylenol.

The challenge for this month’s Joke Contest is Creative Cures.  The theme was inspired by Sol Morrison from Santa Barbara, California.

Here are three examples:

The cure for global warming:  Outlaw political speeches.

The cure for federal deficits:  Require that salaries and pensions of congress and staff be paid only from surplus funds.

The cure for young people wearing low-rider pants exposing their underwear:  Require all parents to wear low-rider pants exposing their underwear.

It’s time for you to come up with your own cures.  Submit your top three cures for review by our panel of judges.  You may submit more than three cures and the additional entries will be eligible for Honorable Mention recognition.  Submit your best entries to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com by June 15, 2010.

It’s time for the top captions in our May Cartoon Caption Contest featuring the artwork of Dan Rosandich.  For the first time, our top three captions all came from the same state!

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

Here are this month’s cartoon and the results:

** FIRST PLACE **

The DNA test came back.  I have blue genes.
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

** SECOND PLACE **

You should see my tan lines.
      Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

** THIRD PLACE **

And I changed my name to Ava Tarr.
     Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – I could talk till I’m blue in the face…or the arms…or my whole body, and you STILL won’t listen!
  – John, you put way too much fabric softener on the clothes again!
  – I thought it said self tanner for Martins not Martians.
  – I can’t sue because my skin IS smoother.
  – You won’t believe the dream I had; there was this wizard Gargamell and I was the only girl among these little guys.
  – I was still inside when they did the Extreme Makeover.
  – My hairdresser thought red would look best.
  – Don’t hate me because I’m blue!
  – The doctor says I’m not depressed, just a little blue.
  – Are you the wise guy who locked me in the meat locker?
  – I must be having an allergic reaction to those blueberries we ate.
  – I think I put to much blue cheese on my salad.
  – The good news is that my acne cleared up.
  – I got tired of fuchsia.
  – What do you mean, Copy Cats?  Our act is called Blue WOMAN  Group!
  – I told you Mr McGee…you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
  – I joined the Army, but they turned me into an ultramarine.
  – I’m a frequent flyer on JetBlue.
  – That’s the last time I order the blue plate special!
  – You may like Popeye, but I’m partial to Bluto.
  – Next time, don’t let the bluebird of happiness get anywhere near me!
  – What “wild blue yonder”?  I’m the wild blue right here!
  – Underwear? Yes, I’m wearing bluemers.
  – I’m never going back to Kentucky!
  – I don’t care for my new job at Blue Cross and Blue Shield.
  – And you think your sunburn is bad?
  – I thought you knew I was a space alien when you viewed my Facebook profile.
  – No, I am not James T Kirk and I am not your father.
  – I should have paid more attention during the Heimlich manuveur portion of class.

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

It’s time for our Cartoon Caption Contest for the month of May.  We feature the art of professional cartoonist Dan Rosandich.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is June 1, 2010.

Here is the cartoon:

Write as many captions as you can.  Then select your best three captions and submit them.  Deciding which lines are your best lines is a great discipline for discovering if what you think is funny is also found to be funny to others.  You can submit more than three lines, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three lines will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.

Submit your entries to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com by May 15, 2010.

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

Our contest theme for April, Celebrity Couples, is inspired by Sol Morrison from Santa Barbara, California.  Here are some examples:

Eddie and Bunny Rabbitt
Pat and Bab Boone
Don and Toulouse Knott

Your challenge is to create an imaginary couple using one person’s real first and last name and making up a partner’s name which lends itself to a humor twist.  The made-up partner first name should be a real name or possibly a real nickname.  Don and Square Knott has a nice twist, but it’s not likely that Square would be someone’s real name.

How many couple names can you create?  Edit your best ones and submit them to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com by April 14, 2010.  Your first three entries will be eligible for Top Three recognition.  Additional entries may be published as Honorable Mention.

It’s time for the top captions in our Snowman Cartoon Caption Contest featuring the artwork of Dan Rosandich.

New Cartoon Caption Contests  are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

Here are this month’s cartoon and the results:

** FIRST PLACE **

He’s not melting, he’s just temperature challenged.
     Scott Knight, Las Vegas, Nevada

** SECOND PLACE **

Will he melt down first — or the economy?
     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California

** THIRD PLACE **

That reminds me…tonight is the grand finale of The Biggest Loser.
     Darin Thompson, Smithfield, Utah

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – What’s worse, Rudolph with a runny nose or Frosty with a hot flash?
  – Looks like he could use a chill-pill!
  – He’s like ice cream on a hot summer day, great while it lasts.
  – It’s snow joking matter.
  – Hey we can reuse the carrot!
  – Look, Sis, Frosty’s sweating just like Dad did when Mom told him about her bent fender!
  – That’s just Frosty’s way of saying he doesn’t like global warming!
  – Why is it when all the snowmen Fall, they call it Spring?
  – Naw, he won’t melt — I sprayed sunblock all over him!
  – Guess we’d have to say this is one guy who doesn’t know how to keep his cool!
  – He looks like dad does after he’s been jogging.
  – At least he’s losing weight.
  – Dad said when Frosty is completely melted it will be his turn to start shoveling snow.
  – I think he likes you.  He always melts when you’re around.
  – Frosty’s a much better forecaster than that silly groundhog.
  – He’s had his one day of fame.
  – I wonder what this guy thinks about global warming.
  – He looks the way uncle Marty does after walking up a few stairs.
  – A hair dryer, the bread knife and a tray of ice cubes …quick, we have to operate!
  – His favorite brand of skin cream is Ponds.
  – He’ll make perfect snowballs in about six minutes.
  – He is a big basketball fan, but he doesn’t like the Miami Heat.
  – Before you go, do you mind lending us a few snowballs?
  – So, this traffic cop pulls up, screams “put down the broom!”  And then starts tasering poor Frosty like crazy.
  – Wish I could make my class teacher melt like that.
  – Of course, he’ll be entitled to health care, he’s having trouble with fluid retention. 
  – What a drip!
  – No, he’s not melting, he’s sweating!

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

As winter draws to a close we have an appropriate cartoon for our March contest.  We feature the art of professional cartoonist Dan Rosandich.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

Here is the cartoon:

Write as many captions as you can.  Then select your best three captions and submit them.  Deciding which lines are your best lines is a great discipline for discovering if what you think is funny is also found to be funny to others.  You can submit more than three lines, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three lines will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.

Submit your top entries  to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com by March 14, 2010.

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

This month’s joke contest is Quirky Medications.  The top lines were selected by our panel of seven judges (improv players and speakers).

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next joke contest is April 1, 2010.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is March 1, 2010.

Our web site was down for maintenance a couple of days earlier this month.  If you submitted lines during that period, your email should have been returned to you.  Hopefully you re-submitted and we didn’t miss any of your creative work.  Our apologies if we missed any submissions.

Here are the contest results:

** FIRST PLACE **

Aussiecotton:  Softens and protects any condition “Down Under.”
     Jim Spero, Las Vegas, Nevada, USA

 ** SECOND PLACE **

Ibeloafin:  Takes away the desire to do anything.
     Darin Thompson, Smithfield, Utah, USA

** THIRD PLACE **

Frolic acid:  Makes you feel young again.
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois, USA

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Dramaloeine:  Used for suntan lotion sickness.
  – Pettyocillin:  Helps lessen the obsession for Anal personalities.
  – Knowhatimine:  Improves ability to understand others.
  – Hydrocotton : A 200mg tablet used to almost guarantee victory in a wet T-shirt contest.
  – Slowmodium:  Calms Type A personalities.
  – Cleptomicin:  Cures the urge to steal.
  – Aspirin-G:  Eliminates the butterflies in young actresses and pageant contestants.
  – Ambien-T:  Works like mood lighting to quickly calm you down.
  – Lackconan:  An expensive pill that is hard for NBC execs to swallow.
  – Tabloida:  Helps you to discern fact from fiction in those supermarket mags.
  – Verbatem-EX:  Helps you to understand exactly what your former spouse is telling you.
  – Clearitin 20-20:  Eliminates the need for eyeglasses.
  – Lacktact acid:  Helps you to be kinder to others.
  – Bowtox & Bagels:  For Plastic Surgery Group Operations in a Jewish Medical Center.
  – Thatdopamine:  Helps you to get along better with your better half.
  – Bennzoil:  Lubricates those creaky joints.
  – Corleone cream:  Works well on gunshot wounds.
  – Zooloft: brings out the animal in you.
  – Mummidefier:  Makes you VERY quiet.
  – Waistaway:  A diet drug.
  – Bentadrill:  Anger control for do-it-yourselfers who abuse their tools.
  – Botoxycontin:  Pain killer for facelifts.
  – Ibeproofin:  Pain killer for overworked copy editors.