Archive for the 'Contests' Category

Losing A Speech Contest

Tuesday, November 17th, 2015

Here is an inspiring internet posting by Laurette Lynn.  She lost a Toastmasters speech contest, and like all of us, she had to deal with the sting and disappointment of losing.  Her reflections on the experience are like a great movie.  The essay illustrates how we can deal with a challenge, be frustrated, and yet learn from the experience. It’s all about dealing with the upset and coming out a stronger person in the end.

Here are Laurette Lynn’s words

Humor Power Article:  So You Lost a Speech Contest?

New Joke Contest — Just One Letter

Sunday, November 1st, 2015

The Difference Just One Letter can Make.

Can you name a menu or food item, and by adding, substituting, or deleting just one letter, turn it into something very different?

New contests are announced on the first of the month.

Here are three examples of what it could look like.  Put on your creative cap and see what you can come up with.

If a chef served French food at an Auto Repair Shop it would be known as Wrench Food…or maybe even Mr Good Wrench Food.

A Power Lunch with chips added would become a Poker Lunch.

If a fruit-stand burglar left his fingerprints on the Blue Berries they
would become Clue Berries.

And let’s avoid the cheap route to humor by turning Corn into Porn, or Crab into Crap, and other borderline switches. Let’s keep our jokes in the category of clean Corporate Humor.

Write as many lines as you can and submit your best three for our Top Three recognition selected by our panel of judges. You can submit more than three lines. The extra lines will be eligible for Honorable Mention.

Submit your entries by November 14, 2015, to

Our next contest will be announced on December 1, 2015.

Humor Contest Results — Expanded Books

Sunday, October 25th, 2015

It’s time for the best lines from the October Humor Contest.

New contests are announced on the first of the month.

Next month’s contest comes out on November 1, 2015.

This month’s contest took the three winners from last month’s Simple or Complex book titles. We challenged our readers to provide chapter headings for the three book titles. The Book Titles were:
– Meatloaf Slicing to Wow Your Friends.
– Ninety Days to a Better Three Months
– How to Fix Your Roof With the Tree that Fell on It

Here is a peek at the inside contents of the books.



Chapter 33 and 1/3: Carving to Meatloaf’s Greatest Hits.
Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

Chapter 41: Beyond the Loaf–Turkey and Roast Beef
Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois



Chapter 9: Life After Bankruptcy.
Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California

Chapter 90: Practice Makes Perfect – Go Back to Day One.
Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California



Chapter 1: Exploring Your Roots.
David Novick, Dayton, Ohio

Chapter 12: Using Tree Remnants to Open a Branch Office.
Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois


New Joke Contest — Expanded Books

Thursday, October 1st, 2015

Our contest for October will be to expand our top-three book titles from last month’s contest.  The winning titles were:

Ninety Days to a Better Three Months
by Sandy Kampner

How To Fix Your Roof Using The Tree That Fell On It
by Cindy Tebo

Meatloaf Slicing To Wow Your Friends
by Marty Bernstein

Your challenge this month will be to create chapter headings for the
books. Here are some examples:

Ninety Days to a Better Three Months
Chapter One — The Grief Process. Saying Good Bye to the Previous
Three Months

How To Fix Your Roof Using The Tree That Fell On It
Chapter Three — Was it the Family Tree?

Meatloaf Slicing To Wow Your Friends
Chapter Fifty Eight — Selecting the Perfect Wine

You can submit multiple entries, but your first line submitted for each
book title will be the one judged for our Top-Three winning submissions.

Start thinking and writing. We look forward to receiving your entries
by October 15, 2015, sent to

New Contest — Complex or Insignificant

Tuesday, September 1st, 2015

The time for September’s joke contest has arrived.

Here is the Theme for this month’s joke contest:  How-To Book Titles — The Complex or The Insignificant. 

Your challenge is to create a book title for an imaginary How-To book on the subject of something big and complex or something small and insignificant.

Here are three complex subjects and three insignificant ones.

How to visit Mars and Safely Return On a Fixed Income.
Mastering The Do-It-Yourself Kidney Transplant.
A Seven Figure Bank Account Without Working or Saving.

Rain Watching For Fun and Profit.
They Laughed Until I Changed a Roll of Toilet Paper.
How To Remove a Soda Straw’s Protective Sleeve.

Start your humor engines. Write as many book titles as you can and
then submit the best ones to
Your first three submissions should be your best lines. The will be
reviewed by the panel of judges for the Top Three recognition.
Submissions after your first three will be eligible for honorable mention.
Make your submissions by September 15, 2015.

Joke Contest Results — The Big But

Monday, August 31st, 2015

It’s time for the results of the August joke contest.

The theme of the contest is THE BIG BUT.

The challenge to the write is to write a line where the word BUT changes the meaning of the end of the sentence in a funny way.

Joke contests are announced on the first of the month.

The next joke contest will be announced tomorrow.


She looked like a keeper, but needed a finder.
Cindy Tebo, St Louis, Missouri


The restaurant sign said “all you can eat” but I had to stop after fifteen plates.
Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinios


The doctor is on time today, but he will see you as soon as possible.
David Novick, Dayton, Ohio

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

The Caesar Salad looked like a picture from a gourmet magazine, but
tasted like a magazine too.

Our plane arrived in Tokyo 8 hours late, but our luggage arrived right
on time, in Dublin.

I was going to write a comprehensive book of jokes but I found out that every joke has already been written.

I took a picture of my grandson’s giant Lego castle but he knocked it
down before I could post the photo on line.

I thought that my boss was giving me a thumbs up, but it wasn’t his

The sign said Take One but I paid anyway in case someone was

The traffic light said Turn on Red but I waited because I just don’t trust
traffic lights.

My mechanic fixed my window washer but now the rest of the car
doesn’t work.

I couldn’t believe that I won the lottery but when I looked closely I

The realtor showed three houses to the young professional couple…but all three were within the couple’s price range.

The mechanic spent an hour working on the engine…but he said he made all of the necessary repairs.

He pleaded innocent to all of the charges…but he had a watertight alibi.

He said he only had a few drinks at the party…but he assured us that he would be OK to drive.

She followed her original plan of training for the marathon…but she is
sure she will be able to finish.

His account of the fishing trip was exaggerated…but at times he
stretched the truth

He said the tightness in his pitching arm was minimal…but he assured
the manager that he would be able to pitch tomorrow.

She thought she was a good driver but the grass had no lines.

She thought she was a good doctor but she needed patients.

The bus came in on time, but Sue missed it because it was always late.

A politician’s pre-election promise is a joke, but it takes a humourist to
execute it.

Yeah right is a double positive, but when spoken backflips to a negative, right?

New Contest — The Big But

Saturday, August 1st, 2015

Here is our new August joke contest.

New contests are announced on the first of the month.

Our next contest is on September 1, 2015.

This month’s theme is The Big But.  The jokes will explore how a misplaced BUT can mix up the intended meaning of a sentence.

Here are three examples:

She looked like a super model…but she had a nice personality.

The dish looked like a picture from a gourmet magazine…but it tasted amazingly good.

The plane arrived eight hours late…but all our luggage was stolen.

See what twists you can weave into a sentence by putting a BUT into the mix. Send us your most creative lines by August 15, 2015. Your first three entries will be eligible for Top-Three selection. Extra lines will be eligible for Honorable Mention.  Submit your lines to

Joke Contest Results — Sounds Like

Monday, July 27th, 2015

It’s time for the results of our July joke contest.

The feedback from our readers was that it was one of our most difficult contests.

The theme of the contest was:  Sounds Like

New contests are announced on the first of the month.

Look for the next contest on August 1, 2015

Here are the top entries.


The sound of my son’s set of drums falling over a cliff:  Bah dump bump.

Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinios


The sound of cashing my paycheck:  Clinkety clink.

Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois


A costume malfunction on TV: Sounds like a million eyebrows raising in unison.

Gerald Fleishmann, Fountain Valley, California

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

Upon encountering a snake under my house…the sound I make exiting: Thump, thump, thump, thump.

My first expression upon falling into an open septic tank: Oh crap…

Siblings: Stop touching me! Poke, poke, poke.

Reporting from California, the sound of rain: Oops…forgot what it sounds like!

The sound after my wife’s big announcement:  You’re WHAT!

The sound of me after a weekend bender: I know I work around here somewhere.

Sound of my teen learning to drive: Screech screech screech BUMP.

The sound of going on the wagon: Glug, glug, as you pour your best booze down the drain.

The sound after hearing Honey I’m pregnant:  A pregnant pause.

The sound of mowing a lawn that hasn’t been mowed lately:  Where’s Fluffy?

Love at first sight. That sound you hear is common sense leaving your body.

As I get out of bed in the morning, my back snaps, crackles, and pops.  Sounds like what I’m having for breakfast.

The hushed buzzing sound in the air are all the secrets from people who promised they’d keep it a secret.

That rumbling sound underground is all our ancestors turning over in their graves.

The gymnast’s son checking out his dad’s bed. Sproing, sproing, sproing.

The silence sounds of a wise husband even though he is right.

The sound of my palm hitting my forehead when after ten minutes I finally find my sunglasses on top of my head: Thwack!

Huckabee trashing Jeb: Bushwhack.

Operating Sonar while playing a college drinking game: Ping-pong.

Shooting the hair that covers your forehead: Bang-bang.

American Pharoah declining to run at Saratoga:  Neigh.

Hillary taking the tough questions: The Sounds of Silence.

Hillary opposing the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP): Flip-flop.

Smoking pot while operating Sonar: Ping-bong.

The sound of my brain writing jokes: ha, ha ha, eh, ugh, oh no! hee hee, hahahahaha…yeah, that one!

Contest Results — Rich/Poor

Sunday, June 21st, 2015

It’s time for the results of our June Joke Contest. The theme is “You Know You’re Rich When…” And “You Know You’re Poor When…”

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month.

Look for July’s contest on July 1, 2015.

And here are the top lines:


You know you’re poor when you put your shoes on the wrong feet so they wear down more evenly.

Kaye Newton, Raymond Terrace, NSW, Australia


You know you’re rich when you need no keys.

Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Ilinois


You know you’re rich when you only eat meals that no one can pronounce.

Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illin

HONORABLE MENTION (In random order.)

– You know you’re rich when every Casino Host in Las Vegas knows you by your first name.

– You know you’re poor when every Casino Host in Las Vegas knows you by your first name.

– You know you’re rich when you send your valet to Mars to see if you would like it there.

– You know you’re rich when you hire ten manicurists, one for each finger.

– You know you’re poor when you recycle dental floss.

– You know you’re rich when your other Gulfstream is in the shop.

– You know you’re rich when your address has a street but no number.

– You know you’re rich when you have His and Hers Bentleys…and you’re single.

– You know you’re rich when the golf clubs you buy involve real estate.

– You know you’re rich when “down on your luck” means you just lost $50,000 playing blackjack.

– You know you’re poor when the only way you’ll see foreign countries is by watching the Travel Channel at a Best Buy store.

– You know you’re rich when your bank balance is higher on return from an around the world holiday, and you’ve collected enough air points to go around again.

– You know you’re rich when you have to drop the zeros and use b or t next to your asset balances.

Humor Role Models

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

The contest theme for the month of May is Humor Role Models.

Contests are announced on the first of the month.

The next contest come out on June 1. 2015.

Here are seven top Humor Role Model submissions. It didn’t seem appropriate to rank them in first, second and third place. So instead, they are shared in no special order, because they are ALL special:


My brother Kevin is a humor sharp-shooter, because his wacky, outrageous, spontaneous witticisms always hit the mark. And his humor is disarming in tense situations.

Submitted by Terry Wall, Washington Township, New Jersey


My mother baked, a great roll model. She introduced me to words, always had Readers Digest around. I honed against my brother. Blame them.

Submitted by Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois


My dad Harry raised me as funny as he. We told jokes, watched and listened to comedians, funny records, read “funny papers,” etc. I learned.

Submited by Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California


Sister John Michael would whoosh into our classroom with a joke or math problem. She taught us critical thinking and how to laugh.

Submitted by Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois


Currently, SE’s corny humor packs a charge. You say “revolt,” he says “Ohm.” Like Cinco de Mayo is shipwrecked mayonnaise. He’s vegetarian. That’s no bull!

Submitted by David Novick, Dayton, Ohio


DAD JOKES! DAD JOKES! Dad’s boners and groaners and moaners always had us in stitches, especially on long summer road trips and vacations. Thanks, Dad!

Submitted by Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois