New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is March 1, 2012.

Your humor challenge is to compare Being Single with other things; objects, activities, institutions, etc.  Here are some examples:

Being single is like bath water.  It’s not enjoyable when it’s not so hot.

Being single is like playing basketball.  You’ll impress no one if you dribble on your foot.

Being single is like the stock market.  It has its ups and downs.

Write as many humor lines as you can.  Then select your best lines and submit them.  If you submit more than three, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.  Select and submit your best entries, and your city/state/country, by February 15, 2012, to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is February 1, 2012.

Here are the top captions for this month’s contest:

** FIRST PLACE **

Perhaps you should have saved the 500 page novel you just finished writing before turning off the computer.

     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

** SECOND PLACE **

Allow me:  !@#%  &&%#  !!?!  *#@!  There, feel better?

     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

** THIRD PLACE **

Now you can tell your friends in construction that you also do back-breaking work.

     David Novick, Dayton, Ohio

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – I said retweet, not retreat!
  – Parrot and owner attacked by a Google of Geese.
  – Repeat after me: Excessive tweeting may cause dizziness, requiring medical tweetment.
  – I said nice life…not it’s your wife!
  – This is only a test of the national Life Alert system.
  – What are the Kardashians up to now?
  – I told you that you should have voted.
  – Uh-oh. His boss just located his Facebook site.
  – Your parole officer friended you on Facebook?
  – Polly is a hacker!
  – Oh!…birds-and-the-bees.com…I can’t wait!
  – Yawk!  I said I wanted a cracker not a hacker.
  – Oh no! A dear Polly letter!

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is February 1, 2012.

Here is the cartoon:

Write as many captions as you can.  Then select your best three captions and submit them.  You can submit more than three lines, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three lines will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.

Select and submit your best entries, and your city/state/country, by January  15, 2012, to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.
http://www.danscartoons.com

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is January 1, 2012.
 
Here are this month’s top lines:

** FIRST PLACE **

persona non grata
persona non Prada:  Someone who shops at a thrift store.
     Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois

** SECOND PLACE **

haute cuisine
oat cuisine:  High-fiber diet.
     David Novick, Dayton, Ohio

** THIRD PLACE **

deja vu
deja new:  Retro fashions.
     Melanie White, Rowlett, Texas

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

ante bellum
ante potbellum:  Before the potbelly.

billet doux
bullet doux:  Hate letter.

pro bono
go Bono:  Shouted at a U2 concert.

savoir faire
save our fare:  Don’t raise transportation prices.

sang froid
sang Floyd:  Pink Floyd on the karaoke machine.

grand prix
grand spree:  Christmas shopping.

ex libris
ex-Liberace:  Formerly flamboyant pianist.

comme si, comme ca
come see, consume:  Merchant’s sales slogan around Christmas.

O sole mio.
Oh, sole me:  I’ll have the fish platter.

Post Meridiem
Post Meridiem:  The afternoon paper.

prego
pray go:  Please get lost.

Ay caramba
I can rhumba:  I’m a great dancer.

je ne sais pas
Jenny says wha?

oy vey
oy stay:  The guest that never leaves.

joie de vivre
joie de relieve:  After what seems like an eternity, you finally find a rest room.

billet doux
billet through:  A Dear John letter

femme fatale
hem fatale:  The very-mini skirt worn by a femme fatale.

dolce vita
dolce eater:  Someone with a sweet tooth.

savoir faire
savoir hair:  An excellent hair stylist.

deja vu
deja clue:  The detective later realized that the first clue contained the solution to the case.

faux pas
faux fox:  Fake fur.

que sera sera
que Sara Sarah:  How do you spell your name?

fait accompli
feta compli:  A properly-aged Greek cheese.

flagrant delicto
fragrant dictato:  Coco Chanel reciting a recipe for a perfume to her stenographer.

pro bono
probe Ono:  Questioning John Lennon’s widow.

savoir-faire
savior fare:  The Last Supper

veni, vidi, vici
vendi video vice:  I sell porno movies

force majeure
farce immature:  Juvenile humor.

ipso facto
calypso facto:  A style of music and dance originating on Trinidad and Tobago.

bon mot
Bond mot:  A clever remark from 007.

carpe diem
carpe per diem:  Take your lunch money.

caveat emptor
Dick Cavett emptor:  Be careful what you say on a talk show.

coup de grace
coupe de Grace:  Two-door auto for Monaco royalty.

aficionado
afishionado:  A highly-accomplished angler.

angst
sangst:  Fear of performing a song in public.

au courant
au current:  Up-to-date wiring

cause celebre
Claus celebre:  A Hollywood Santa.

faux pas
fo pa:  A present for dad

je ne sais quoi
je ne sais quay:  I don’t know where the boat will dock.

quid pro quo
squid pro quo:  I’ll give you some calamari for that.

vox populi
Magnavox populi:  TVs for everyone.

ala mode
ala commode:  Stylish bathroom.

habeus corpus
flabbeus corpus:  Time to join a gym.

mea culpa
mea pulpa:  I’m the one who mashed it and I’m sorry.

que sera sera
que seran Sarah:  Where’s the plastic wrap?

rigor mortis
bigger wartis:  That bump on your hand is hard.

vice versa
vice versatile:  Highly skilled in bad habits.

gracias
grassy ass:  A friendly acknowledgment to a long-timer on Occupy Wall Street.

faux pas
faux pa:  Someone pretending to be your father.

por favor
poor flavor:  Something that tastes bad.

ichi ban
nietzsche ban:  No philosophers allowed.

veni vidi vici
weni nidi Nietzsche:  I wimpy, I penniless, and I responsible.

The challenge is to take a well-known foreign phrase, which is probably a cliche, and twist it to make it funny.  Your new phrase might tweak the first part of the phrase, or the last part of the phrase, or both the first and last parts of the phrase. 

For starters it’s important to know how the foreign phrase is pronounced.  For example FAUX PAS, which means “a mistake, or a mis-step,” is pronounced FOE PAW.

Your twisted version probably has a rhyming or sound-alike word.  It also is likely to keep the rhythm or flow of the original phrase.

Here are some examples:

faux pas
no pas        unable to move
dough pa     a sugar daddy

Deja vu
Deja boo      The state of people exiting a haunted house.
Asia vu    The feeling that you’ve already been to Asia.

Je ne sais quoi
Je ne sais ma        I don’t know who my mother is.

Mi casa es su casa
Me papa es su papa    We have the same father.

You’re not limited to these four phrases.

Put on your humor hat and see what you can come up with.  Submit your best three captions for review by our panel of judges.  You may submit additional lines which will be eligible for Honorable Mention.  Submit your entries by December 15, 2011 by email to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is December 1, 2011.

Here is the cartoon:

** FIRST PLACE **

First question:  What color is your wife’s dress?
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

** SECOND PLACE **

So, Helen, you’d also like him to wear blinders that limit his vision to just from the neck up?
      Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California

** THIRD PLACE **

And then we’ll remove the right side blinder and see if communication improves.
     Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Like a leg cast, Mr. Gander, we can remove them as soon as your eyes just “set” properly.
  – But now you say you’re having dreams of Susie wearing a saddle?
  – You seem to communicate well; your wife talks and you pretend to listen.
  – She says I never “focus” on our conversations.
  – Is everyone staring at me?
  – Please! Don’t give my wife any ideas.
  – Your wife complains that you have tunnel vision.
  – You really didn’t have to put those on here, Mr. John Doe.
  – No, Horace, I don’t think your chances of running at Santa Anita have improved.
  – And do you feel you’re making progress, Pony…I mean, Tony?
  – They automatically close during football season.
  – That’s not what I meant when I advised you to go straight.
  – Mr. Jones, you of all people should not accuse my of talking out of both sides of my mouth.
  – First we’ll try to cure his powder blue suit fetish.
  – As I was saying Fred…Fred, I’m over here.
  – Mr. Jones, I’ve got good news and bad news.  The bad news is we had to fire your marriage counselor for misconduct.  The good news is, the blinders he gave you work so well, you didn’t see he was having an affair with your wife.
  – Your blinders must be working.  I said bring your mistress, not your wife.
  – You just don’t see it, do you.

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is December 1, 2011.

Here is the cartoon:

Write as many captions as you can.  Then select your best three captions and submit them.  You can submit more than three lines, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three lines will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.

Select and submit your best entries, and your city/state/country, by November 15, 2011, to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is November 1, 2011.

** FIRST PLACE **

What happens in Roswell didn’t really happen…or did it?
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

** SECOND PLACE **

What happens in Hollywood…wait I’ll tweet it.
     Nancy Lininger, Camarillo, California

** THIRD PLACE **

What happens in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, usually won’t affect you for nine months.
     Samuel McRae, Battle Mountain, Nevada

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – What happens in San Andreas is not their fault.
  – What happens in Orlando is Magic.
  – What happens in Sonoma is something to wine about.
  – What happens in Niagara Falls is not worth a dam.
  – What happens in Fresno is just a lot of sour grapes.
  – What happens in San Juan Capistrano is pretty hard to swallow.
  – What happens in Chicago will blow you away
  – What happens in Portland is too obscure for Non-Portlandians to understand.
  – What happens in Waikiki can usually be cured if you try aloe.
  – What happens in Hell usually isn’t worth what happened on Earth.
  – What happens in Philadelphia isn’t all its cracked up to be.
  – What happens in Denver will leave you breathless.
  – What happens in Boulder rolls downhill.
  – What happens in Chicago I can’t tell you because I’d have to shoot you.
  – What happens in Vegas sells T-shirts.
  – What happens in Louisville makes horse sense.
  – What happens in Nashville, involving a broken heart, a fancy car, or a horse, can become a big Country-Western song.
  – What happens in Indianapolis happens at 200 mph.
  – I don’t know what happened in Gross, but it happened 144 times.
  – What happens in New Limerick usually starts in Nantucket.
  – What happens in Winnemucca is great — if you need a mucca.
  – What happens in Echo is is is is is . . . . .
  – What happens in Ames is production of gun sights.
  – What happens in Kinde turns up on a blog.  (The Kinde, Michigan, Annual Polka Festival is in September.)
  – What happens in Nashville is available on I-tunes for a dollar.
  – What happens in DC had nothing to do with any person that simply wants a secure life and a job.
  – Something was going to happen in Atlanta…but it was stuck in traffic.

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Cartoon Caption Contest will be announced November 1, 2011.

You may have heard the phrase:  “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”  It’s a marketing slogan used by the city of Las Vegas.  Your challenge this month is to create slogans for other cities.  Examples could be:

  – What happens in Washington DC costs $15 trillion too much.
  – What happens in New York City will be happening in your town in twelve months.
  – What happens in Smallville takes place before 8:00 pm.

Your entry should follow the format:  “What happens in (city) ….”  You pick the city and then create the punchline.

See what you can come up with.  Then submit your top three lines to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com by October 15, 2011.  To be eligible for our top three recognition, also submit your Name, City and State.  You may submit additional lines which will be considered for Honorable Mention.

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is October 1, 2011.

Here is the cartoon:

Write as many captions as you can.  Then select your best three captions and submit them.  You can submit more than three lines, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three lines will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.

Select and submit your best entries, and your city/state/country, by September 15, 2011, to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.