Contest Results — New National Holidays

April 23rd, 2015

It’s time for the best lines of our April Contest. The theme for the month is New National Holidays.

New contests are announced on the first of the month. The next contest will be introduced in the May 1 newsletter.

Here are the top lines for New National Holidays:


National Fiction Day: Not a real holiday

Marty Bernstein, Oak Park, Illinois


National Procrastination Day: To be determined.

Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California


Write Backwards Day: 1 LIRPA

Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, IL

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

- Calculate Pi Day, 3/14/16. A day that never ends.

- Eat More Butter Day: Put it on everything. Deep fried butter sticks. Great in a cone. Give it 20 seconds in the microwave oven and drink it. Celebrated the day before Healthy Heart Day.

- National Rational Day: Celebrated when it makes sense.

- New Ears Day: Celebrating plastic surgeons.

- Formal Monday. The first Monday of the month. Wear a suit to work.

- National Nothing Day: A holiday from all other holidays.

- Garage Sale Exchange Day: On the first Saturday of May, from the neighbor on your left, you take all their stuff, as the neighbor on your right, takes all your stuff. Children and family pets not included.

- Buy a New Car Day; Every February 29th.

- Road Hog Day: Slow drivers get to put on their Danica Patrick and A.J. Foyt helmets and floor it!

- Illinois voter day: April 7. 1. Vote. 2. Watch the returns. 3. Look in your mailbox for your stipend.

- Groucho Marx Day: Everybody walks and talks like Groucho for 24 hours.

- Kinde Day: April 15th. Every contest entry is a winner today.

- Walk Funny Day: You’ve always wanted to. A stone in your shoe is optional.

- Dennis Day Day: Everybody acts like Dennis Day. Celebrated the day after Gladys Night Night.

- Doc Holliday Holiday: A holiday for doctors.

- It’s Mine Day: On your birthday everything is yours.

- Native Americans Day: Give the U.S. back to the Native Americans to see if they can do better.

- Stay at Home on Your Birthday Because You Are Well Day.

- Chew Out Your Boss Day: Scheduled on your last day at work Buy Something Silly Day, January 26: Help your local merchant unload his overstock of pet rocks, chia animals, and last year’s joke-a-day calendars.

- Contact an Extraterrestrial Day: August 13. They’re all around you.

- Take Your Nukes to Work Day: The day after signing the nuclear treaty with Iran. If signed in April, it will also be April Fool’s Day.

- It Depends Day: Allows you to prevaricate and lie by waffling on any Politicians celebrated daily by politicians.

- March Sadness: Month-long grieving by teams that get bounced form the NCAA basketball tournament on bad referee calls.

- Inauguration Day: Also known as Buyer’s Remorse Day.

- National Procrastination day. Starts May 7,ends August 16.

- National Funny Day. On this day, people who think they are funny actually must be funny.

- National Straight line day. Celebrated on 1-11 – National Defense Industry Day: Tanksgiving.

- Celebrating longer days for personal grooming: Daylight Shavings Time.

- National Geography Day. Customer service line personnel must tell you their actual location.

- New Ears Day. Celebrating plastic surgeons.

- Holiday Recovery Day. The first weekday after January 1. You get a day off to recover from the holidays.

- March Sadness Day. The day after the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. If your team lost, you get the day off to recover from the disappointment. If your team won, you get the day off to celebrate. If you didn’t fill out a bracket, you are obviously working too hard, so you get the day off as well.

Selecting Our Contest Winners

April 14th, 2015

On a recent survey of subscribers, a few comments suggested that the selection of contest winners is subjective. I agree. The results are totally subjective. What is funny to one person is often not funny to another.
- Here is some background on the judging process for our contests.
- I try to minimize the subjectivity factor by having at least 8 – 10 judges for each contest. And usually the panel of judges is different each month. Sometimes I take the ballots to an improv workshop, sometimes to a Toastmasters meeting, sometimes I email the ballot to friends who I think would be good judges.   The judges do NOT know who authored the jokes.
- The judges usually range in age from 20s to 80s, and are usually about half men/women. But the bottom line is that the selection of one judge is just an opinion. There is no clear-cut, objective way to arrive at the Top Three entries each month.
- The results of the contests will naturally also be affected by our use of mostly American-English-speaking judges.
- And each month I’m reminded of the subjective nature of humor. My favorite entry is usually not the favorite entry of the judges. In fact, sometimes my favorite entry is not even in the top three!
- Have you ever thought that one of the Honorable Mention entries should have been in the Top Three, and wondered why it wasn’t? Or maybe you wondered why one of your submissions didn’t even make the Honorable Mention list?
- We have already mentioned that the big factor is the subjectivity of humor. What is funny to one person may not be funny to another.
- Another factor might be that a particular joke didn’t make it past the editor (me). I apply a certain standard of corporate-quality humor and also act as the Politically Correct Police for the contests.
- Also, it’s not practical to produce a judge’s ballot with 500 jokes on it. Someone has to narrow the field down to a manageable number of jokes. I usually prepare a ballot with what I consider the top 20 jokes. Then the judges pick the top three. If I have at least five judges, I don’t vote for the Top Three selection.
- The judges don’t know who submitted the individual jokes. Occasionally, but not often, the judges may pick select a Top Three which includes two jokes by the same author. When that happens, I pick that author’s best joke (as determined by the judges) to include in the Top Three and I move the fourth place joke into third. This expands our winner recognition.
- Another factor why an Honorable Mention joke may be your favorite and not be one of our winners, is that the joke may be submitted by the person who suggested the theme for the month. When someone creates the joke theme for the month, they are permitted to be on the Honorable Mention list, but not in the Top Three.   We feel it wouldn’t look right for the person who contributed the theme to also be the winner.
- Sometimes some of the Honorable Mention jokes were written by me. It’s not often I include my own jokes, but sometimes I do. My jokes never appear in the Top Three.
- So there you have a little insight into the judging process and why one of your favorite jokes only made Honorable Mention or didn’t even appear on the list at all.

Observational Humor — Case Study #134

April 7th, 2015

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of an NSA Las Vegas chapter meeting. First we’ll look at the set-up. Then we will look at the joke and what triggered the humor. The strength of most observational humor is “being there.” Humor which is funny for the audience will not be nearly as funny when studied as an academic exercise. But this is presented as a humor piece which has passed the test of a live audience.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting
before the monologue was delivered.)

1. I brought a Virgil’s Soda to my NSA chapter meeting. It’s brown
glass which looks like a beer bottle.

2. Bill Bachrach set up a magic trick by planting a special cup on the
front table, asking the woman sitting at the front table to pretend that
the cup was hers. He told us about this coordination with the woman
after he did the magic trick.

3. Darren asked a question about a speaker using something another
speaker had said or had done earlier during the meeting.

4. Bill said it worked to his advantage that he was funnier than people
thought he would be.

5. Mark is always colorfully dressed. That morning he was wearing an
orange blazer and orange-color, checked pants.

6. A speaker joked that she might have a wardrobe malfunction during
the meeting.

7. Marilyn was wearing a bold-pattern pair of pants. It looked like a
print of vines, black on white.

8. Mike opened with a top-ten list: Ten Ways You Know when You’ve
Spoken too Long.

9. A speaker mentioned a comedy show, Confessions of a Showgirl.

10. The entrance to the meeting room was a large garage-style door.

11. The decor at the back of the stage was four brightly-colored doors.

12. A speaker talked about living in a room on the top floor of the
Flamingo hotel.

13. A speaker talked about the challenges of starting a new show on the
LV Strip. He said that each month he writes a check for the privilege of

14. A speaker said that when you’re starting out, you’re not great.
“The first time you’re hired to speak, you suck.”

15. A speaker told about being a speaker for Charles Schwab, and
mispronounced the word SPEAKER, like it was a difficult tongue

16. The speaking room was equipped with a FoosBall table and an Air
Hockey machine.

17. A speaker said, it’s self-defeating to think “this is as good as I’m
going to get.”

18. Bill Bachrach said, “If comfort is your goal, success is not in your


(Placing my soda bottle on the front table and speaking to the woman
sitting there.) Pretend this is your beer.

(Pefect opener. Started getting laughs just putting down the bottle. Big laugh when I delivered the line.)

(Making eye contact with Darren.) You can use that line.
(Very big laugh. The trigger was Absurdity.)

I’m funnier than I look.
(Good call back. Big laugh.)

This is a classy group. Look at how people are dressed.
(I had three outfit observations, good response although not among the better lines.)

One is dressed in an outfit that doesn’t rhyme.

(I figured this would work for an orange or a purple outfit, words that
do not rhyme.)

One is dressed in clothing from the Janet Jackson collection.
(A reference to Jackson’s Super Bowl performance several years ago.)

And one is wearing camouflaged pants worn when fighting an enemy that is color blind.
(A bold outfit attracted my attention, and I figured the attention of the
audience as well.)

Ten Ways I Can Tell I’ve Been Speaking Too Long. Or confessions of a showgirl.
(Anytime I hear a top-ten list in a program, I look for the possibility of
creating my own top-ten list on the same theme. And following with an
absurd topper call-back got a good laugh.)

I Iknew was speaking too long when I had a dream that I was speaking, and when I woke up, I was.

(Not an Observational joke, but a joke made up to fill in the top-ten

When I’m speaking in a room that looks like a garage.
(Simple observation. OK response.)

When the audience laughs uncontrollably until  I start speaking.

(Medium response.)

When I give the audience a choice of a joke behind Door number one. Door number two. Or door number three.

(Good response,)

When my funniest material is something I just made up.
(Weaker response than I expected.)

When I’m wishing I could move from my room in the Motel 6 to a room in the Flamingo.
(Big laugh.)

When I do the wrap-up humor at each monthly chapter meeting,
because I write a check.
(Good call back, implies that I pay to be on the program.)

When I continue to get hired even though I still suck.
(Self-deprecation using a call-back of a phrase used earlier in the
program by one of the speakers.)

When I’m caught looking in the bathroom mirror saying “Charles
Schwab serves speakers at the sea shore.”
(A call back of something that happened which had gotten a laugh.)

When my stiffest competition is a FoosBall game and an Air Hockey table.
(One of the weaker lines.)

You know I’ve been speaking too long when you can see my mouth
(A generic joke line for the Top Ten List which I deleted from the
monologue by accident. I like he line. Self-deprecation.)

When I start thinking: This is the funniest I’m going to get.
(Twisted a phrase used by a speaker. Adapted it to a humor theme.
Good response.)

In closing, the thought for the day: If comfort is your goal, being funny is not in your future.
(Good close. Good response.)

Humor Contest — New National Holidays

April 1st, 2015

New National Holidays

What new National Holiday would you propose? Why? How would we celebrate it? When would it be? Don’t try answering all the questions. Being brief is better

Labor Day: The day before Thanksgiving. It will be the only day of the year when we do go to work. Since the next day is Thanksgiving Day, nobody will work past noon.

April Fools Day: The second Tuesday in November. We celebrate it by giving a pension of 25 times the minimum wage to anyone even thinking of running for national office. No photo ID required to qualify for the pension.

National Fitness Day: Celebrated by staying home, watching sports on TV, drinking beer, and eating poato chips.

Submit your best three holidays to: not later than April 15, 2015 (right after you mail in your taxes). If you send in more than three entries, the additional lines will be eligible for Honorable Mention.

The Justin Bieber Roast

March 31st, 2015

Humor Techniques and Lessons-Learned From a TV Celebrity Roast.

Last Night, March 30, Justin Bieber was roasted on Comedy Central.  I commend Bieber for stepping into the ring.  It had risks and rewards.  It was a good Roast and Bieber received his share of stinging jabs.

A Celebrity Roast is traditionally made up of hard-core, nightclub-style jokes. They push the limits of good taste.  Sure, they could edit the footage and cut all the jokes about sex, body parts, and body functions.  But then they’d have to find a five-minute slot in which they could air what was left of the roast.

But if you’re not easily offended, there is much to be learned from looking at the substance and style of the Celebrity Roast.

Poking fun at yourself is one of the safest forms of humor.  Justin Bieber admitted to not being a professional funny-man.  This lowers the expectations and magnifies the surprise factor which strengthens the jokes.  A Bieber line:

“Look, I’m new to comedy, but here’s a joke: What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours”  He zaps the Roasters calling them a bunch of has-beens.  And he piles on by criticizing them on going over-board on the gay/lesbian jokes. Off to a nice start.

We are reminded throughout the Roast of the Comic License principle.  This is an understanding between the comic and the audience that the performer may stretch the truth, even lie, to get a laugh.  Much of what is said in a Roast is not fact, it’s just made up for the sake of the joke.  Of course the best humor has a ring of truth.  If you’re ever in a roast, you’ll find yourself saying things you know aren’t true.  So don’t plan on running for President, unless your roast performance is at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

A common line for a Roast rebuttal, since this is a celebrity roast, is to imply that a participant is NOT famous or NOT funny.  This is usually easy to do because some of the participants are  minor celebreties and some are not comedians.  Generic lines come in handy:

-        Presenter X, you were great.  But the next time you’re in a roast…be funny.

-        Presenter X, you were selected to go first on the roast…because they knew you’d make the other comics look good.

-        Presenter X, you were quite the comedian…but don’t quit your day job.

-        Presenter X, your monologue was so dull it doesn’t even need a rebuttal.

Shaquille O’Neil was a presenter.  Let’s imagine we want to write a line taking advantage of the fact that he’s not a comic.  And we don’t want to use a completely generic line.  We might use something like:  “Shaq, We’re glad you’re here, because it’s nice to have people on the agenda who aren’t funny.  Although I have to admit that you make me smile because you are always dribbling.”  Not super funny, but better than a totally generic line.

A basic humor principle is that The Truth Is Funny.  Even though much of what is said in a Roast is not true, the better lines usually have a ring of truth.

If I had been assigned to write an opening for Bieber’s rebuttal, I might have written something like:

“Tonight was a dream come true for me…to be more specific…it was a nightmare.  I realize it could have been worse.  The comics with TALENT might have been available. And not only did we have to settle for comics on the lower rungs of the comedy ladder, we still had to fill in the holes with a home decorator and a basketball player.”  This suggests:

- That the roast was a bad experience.  But hopefully it was fun.

- That the quality of the Roasters was not good, which was not true.

- That two honorable professions can be used as insults.

- That the truth is the roast was both a dream and a nightmare.

A good joke is often a blend of truth and exaggeration.  Within every comic falsehood, there is usually a ring of truth.  When we are the target of a joke, whether or not in a roast, we need to remember that it’s just a joke, and be the first to laugh.  If you have a good sense of humor and can laugh at yourself, it disarms your detractors.

And the final lesson from a roast is to close with nice words, a mini-tribute, directed to the Guest of Honor.  It leaves the participants and audience with a positive feeling.

It was a well-done roast.  I enjoyed it, although my personal preference would have been to cut back on the comedy-club edge.  In my opinion it would have been even funnier.  I enjoyed the people who presented, and Justin Bieber did a great job.  Well done Comedy Central.

Contest Results — Family Business

March 20th, 2015

It’s time for the results of our March Joke Contest.  The theme is Family Business. What if a celebrity started a business with their name on it?  What if the type of business seemed like a bad choice?

New Joke Contests open on the first of the month. The next contest will be announced on April 1.

Now here are this month’s top lines.


Ellen Burstyn opens Burstyn Balloon Rides.
Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois


Jamie Lynn Spears and Brooke Shields open a medieval weapons outlet.
Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California


Governor Christie is opening a construction company called Bridge
Over Troubled Waters.
Terry Wall, Washington Township, New Jersey

HONORABLE MENTION  (in random order)

- Janet Jackson owns a Velcro manufacturing company.
- Brad Pitt’s Pitted Prunes.
- Susan Saranden sells seashells on the seashore.
- Ice Skating World by Grace Slick.
- Taylor Swift Track and Field Coaching.

- Minnie Pearl opens Minnie’s Pearls of Wisdom hat pins.
- Taylor Swift opens Swift’s Speed Dating Service.
- Beyonce Knowles opens Beyonce Knowles Best cosmetics.
- Jennifer Lopez opens the Lo-Pez Pez Dispenser collectable store.
- Jay-Z opens Z’s Sleep Disorders Clinic.

- M.C. Hammer opens the Hammer Anesthesia Group.
- Bruno Mars and Venus Williams open the Mars-Venus Marriage
Counseling Service.
- 50 Cent opens 50 Cent Financial Planning.
- Davis Price and Rob Lowe open Lowe Price Stores.
- Brad Pitt opens a fruit stand named Pitt’s Bowl of Cherries.

- Usain Bolt opens Bolts for the Door Store.
- Alicia Keys opens Keys Locksmith Shop.
- Harry Styles opens Styles Styles.
- Jack Pence and Curt Schilling open Pence & Shilling Currency
- Charity Shea opens Shea’s Lounge.

- Stephen Foster opens an adoption agency.
- Gerard Butler opens a murder investigation firm.
- Amy Winehouse opens a complaint department.
- Maria Carey opens a courier service.
- Winona Ryder opens a taxi service.

- Teri Hatcher opens a chick incubation service.
- Jon Hamm opens an amateur radio shack.
- Carrie Underwood opens antique typewriter boutique.
- Kristen Bell opens her own phone company after becoming a mother.
- Keith Urban opens a city planning office.

- Kevin Spacey opens a satellite launch facility.
- Jordin Sparks opens a fire prevention service.
- Billy Graham opens a cracker factory.
- Larry King, Queen Latifah, Earl Warren, Duke Ellington, Ted
Knight, and Prince open a White Castle chain.
- Jean Claude Van Damme opens a hydroelectric dam.

- Vladimir Putin is opening a recording studio called Putin on the Ritz.
- Justin Bieber’s opening a delivery service called Justin Time.
- Justin Bieber’s opening a fix-it shop called Leave It To Bieber.
- Megan Fox’s Chicken Farm.
- Kellie Pickler Party Planner.

- Snowden’s Computer Repair and Maintenance. Specializing in virus
removal and file recovery.
- Benjamin and Aretha Franklin open a singing school. We’ll teach
you to hit those C notes.
- Jack Benny’s Tool Rental and Pharmacy. The place to get your Benny
- Carmen Miranda becomes a boxer then has success delivering
Miranda rights to arrestees.
- The Henry Ford Sporting Goods Company, specializing in Dodge
- Christopher Walken goes into TV production, creates the Walken


20 Clues Your Friend Might Be A Toastmaster

March 14th, 2015

20 Clues Your Friend Might Be A Toastmaster:
1. She flinches every time you say ah.
2. Every day the first time you meet, before saying anything else, he says: “My pal, my buddy, and my honored friend.”
3. She evaluates everything you do and say.
4. On a first date he admits that he is controlling his nervousness by visualizing you in your underwear.
5. The first time you visited her home, you got a five minute tour of her
trophy shelf.
6. If you met him at a Speed Dating event, you didn’t have time to visit
after he introduced himself and explained all the initials after his name.
7. She insisted that you come as a guest to her Toastmasters Club and
arranged for you to be called on for something called Table Topics.
8. When he asked you on a date, it took five to seven minutes to get to the point.
9. Dinner conversation with her is interrupted by a green, yellow and
red light.
10. Every time he makes eye contact with you, he counts to three before he continues his sentence
11. The first time you spent the night, you noticed that she had a
Toastmaster pin on her pajamas.
12. He always complains about Toastmaster contests but enters all of
them anyway.
13. She is fluent in a second language which includes the words PIP,
ALG, DTM, and obscure words which she refers to as the Word of The
14. At the top of his bucket list is “Become a PDG.”
15. She fears death more than speaking in public.
16. When you visit a famous landmark, he takes a selfie while holding a Toastmaster magazine.
17. Her refrigerator is covered with Best Speaker ribbons.
18. You thought he owned a ship in Greenland because he was always
talking about how people loved his Icebreaker.
19. She attends five club meetings a week. On off-nights she attends
area and division meetings.
20. He does things without further ado.

Observational Humor — Case Study #133

March 7th, 2015

Here’s another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll look at the set-up for the jokes, and then we’ll look at the jokes and what made them work. It’s presented for educational purposes not primarily attended as enterainment. The “you had to be there” factor is responsible for a monologue not reading as funny as is was in-the-moment when presented live.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting
before the monologue was presented.)

1. In the Educational Moment, I suggested that to create humor, they
should look for unusual things in the room. For example on the white
board somone has written Csico 123.

2. A speaker gave a speech titled SCARS.

3. A speaker mentioned how many years he had lived in Las Vegas.

4. A speaker said that he got married 8 years ago, before he got ugly.

5. A speaker giving a technical speech on Diets, told us to assume that
each of us was a Dietary Expert.

6. A member was given an impromptu speech topic of naming the best
buffet in Las Vegas.

7. A speaker was given an impromptu speech topic of naming unique
things for tourists to do in Las Vegas.

8. Hoover Dam is a short drive from Las Vegas.

9. A speaker told of applying for a job at the company that provides
our meeting room. He got the job.

10. It was mentioned that some job applications still ask for the RACE
of the applicant.

11. It was suggested that a Safe may or may not be a good place to hide.


Welcome to the Witnesss Protection Program support group. My name is Cisco 123.

(Pretending to make sense of the code name written on the white board.)

Tonight’s program theme is SCARS. Silly Comments and Ridiculous Sarcasm.
(Acronyms can provide an easy source of humor.)

I’ve lived in Las Vegas for 15 years. I moved here before I became ugly.

Can you believe we’re in a room full of Dietary Experts? I find it easier to believe we’re in a room full of Buffet Experts.
(Poking fun at the audience, suggesting that they didn’t look like health advocates.)

On the subject of unique things for tourists to do in Las Vegas.
– One of the best things to do is take a Dam Tour.
– Another thing to do is visit the new Athletic Club at Warm Springs
and Gibson. Jim Gibson is the manager of the Gibson Gym.
(Playing with the double meaning of DAM. And using Name Play, with
a sound-alike word Jim/Gym.)

I applied for a job at Pololu. On the application there was a section
titled Race. I put 500. The interviewer questioned what I meant. I said, that’s my race. The Kinde 500.
(Again using Name Play using sound-alike words, KINDE/INDY.)

The application also asked for our greatest accomplishment. When I was younger, I always won every game of Hide & Seek. I always hid in the safe.
(This was a call back to the “hide in the safe” reference. I wasn’t sure
this would be a good line, but it received a very good laugh.)

I didn’t get the job.
(Implies that I didn’t get the job because of the two jokes above. A good closing line.)

New Contest — Family Business

March 1st, 2015

Products are often named using a family name. Ford automobiles for example. Firestone tires, another example. Some products are named for a first name of a child. Porsche and Wendys are two examples.

Family names and children’s names are probably used in businesses more than we know. I grew up near a Sneaker’s service station. I always felt that was probably a family name, not one that I would have used to name a business.

The theme for this month’s contest is Family Business.   Let’s narrow the search to celebrities and famous people. That sounds redundant, but hopefully “famous” people picks up anyone well-known who is not considered a “celebrity.”

Some examples of possible, but not likely, businesses names:

Emily Blunt opens Blunt Cutlery.
Tina Fey opens Fey’s Faux Furs.
Bob Barker opens Barker Dog Obedience School.
Rob Lowe opens Rob’s Banks

Some thoughts as you look for lines:

If something is obvious, everybody else probably thought of it too. That reduces the surprise factor.
Elton John opens John’s Porta Johns
Jim opens Jim’s Gym
Harrison Ford opens a Ford Dealership

Avoid easy lines which are in bad taste..
Krapp Burgers
Evelyn Hooker opens Hooker Motel
Someone in the news for spouse abuse opening a Marriage Counceling Center.

“Categories” and lists help focus a search:
Categories can give you a starting point. You can then work toward a name.

Ways to stimulate the search:
Look for names that are nouns, adjectives or verbs.
Search the internet for a list of names. This helps “prime the pump.”
Working forward and backward:
- Working from name to business
- Working from business to name
Double meanings
Rhyme or similar sounds
Don’t get trapped with a single technique, puns for example

Write as many lines as you can and submit what you feel are your best three lines. Submit them by March 15, 2015. Send them to You can submit more than three lines. The additional lines will be eligible for Honorable Mention.

Contest Results — State of the Humor

February 23rd, 2015

Here are the top lines for the February Joke Contest — State of the Funny. Some of our subscribers said that this contest was more difficult than most.

New contests are announced on the first of the month. The next contest starts on March 1, 2015.

Here are our top three and honorable mention entries:


The District of Columbia is funny because it has the most politicians.
Gerald Fleischmann, Fountain Valley, California


California is funny because it produces the most tomatoes, and you can’t have humor without tomatoes.
Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois


Minnesota is funny because it is the home of Minnehaha Falls.
Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (In random order)

Nevada is funny because Prostitution is legal but jaywalking is illegal.

California is funny because you can sing and experience shake rattle and roll.

Wisconsin is funny because you can be cheesy and that’s a good thing.

New York New York is NOT funny because you have to repeat yourself.

Florida is funny because its fitness program consists of aerobic shuffleboard.

Illinois is funny because our politicians start in office and end up in jail.

Texas is funny because all my exes live in Texas.

Illinois is funny because of Tom Nee, Sandy Kampner, Marty Bernstein, and Pat Foley.

Missouri is funny because its mules always say Hee-Haw!